Hot answers tagged

93

I like the way my mother did: I told my mother I was going to buy my first car. She listened to me, my budget, my pro's and con's and once I had picked a car I could afford and was planning to get it she figured out I was serious and told me that she had "a little something extra" for me. This method meant that I had experienced the pricing of cars, had to ...


91

Mine is getting ready to head off to college soon too, it's a fine line to tread between spoiling and being too detached. The way I put it to my kid is that as long s/he is either gainfully employed or doing reasonably well in education (just generally bettering his situation) I am willing to help out. I wouldn't buy my kid a car unless he put up some money ...


79

This book works differently for people at different stages of their lives. The lesson for young children reading this book, I believe, is about unconditional love. Children need to know and trust that their parents will always be there for them, loving them without question, even if they need them their whole lives. You could say to your young child, "I'm ...


61

What you should not do is to simply talk badly about a favourite story of his. What you could do instead is put the story into perspective - and don't do this with this fairy tale alone, but with as many as possible. If you do this as an "early start to literary studies" you might actually do him a favour. Topics to cover could be: Core message or ...


47

Buy him a used vehicle. Let hm earn his first "new" car. I am like you; I worked for everything I got. I started working after school at 15, and at 17 I bought my first used Volkswagen Bug for 400$ (monthly payments of $25, plus insurance and gas. But my parents were poor. Getting help from them was out of the question. I wanted a better life for my kids, ...


40

If you want her to have a strong moral compass, you'll have to explain (when she is old enough) why you do it and let her make up her own mind. As you say, a lot of people do it. Often, this means that a lot of people don't consider it to be much of a crime. That also means it's a very interesting way for children to learn about how to judge moral choices. ...


29

Is there any possible harm, if I tell my kid now about the hidden meaning of Cinderella? To a certain extent the "hidden meaning" you describe is a somewhat dystopian outlook on relationships. In general, it's considered unnecessary that a 10-year-old know the "cold hard truth" about everything. I don't think most people make decisions in their adult life ...


26

I will answer this from the point of view of, once upon a time, the child in this situation. I don't know if any of this applies to your friend's child as I don't know him, but perhaps it will for others in a similar situation if nothing else. I was the 'perfect' student as a child; always the teacher's pet, always the top of the class, always wanting ...


17

Listen and sympathize with the child. "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good. I bet you felt bad afterwards". Then discuss the situation. Ask why the child thinks the teacher did that, what the child can do in future. This is supportive and encouraging the child to develp their own strategies. You can mention the fact that sometimes people make mistakes. You ...


16

The lesson in The Giving Tree is not from the tree's point of view. It is from the boy's. The reader will more immediately identify with the boy, after all (if a child, in particular) - and so the lesson is to be aware of people giving to you, and be grateful for it, rather than continually demanding. The boy doesn't feel happy, after all, until the end - ...


15

There potentially could be harmful outcomes of going into detail that is ahead of a ten-year-old's comprehension/experience/understanding: At that age, children are still children, and despite the media trying to persuade us otherwise, the world is a very safe place for the majority of people, and relationships, while rarely perfect are generally positive. ...


15

This depends significantly on your child, their behavior, interest in college, work ethic, etc. My parents did something similar, making me pay for college when they could have covered it (it luckily wasn't too much being in-state with a scholarship). At the end of college they then gifted me the $10,000 they would have spent on college. The idea was for ...


13

I'd say put in half the money. If he wants a good used car or a new one he can work and save for it, learning to value his work and the car. If he doesn't put in the work, he gets a cheap used car. This is what my parents did for my brother and I. My brother ran his into the ground after many years. Mine lasted about 5 years until an accident made it ...


12

I don't know your son, but I think if you started in on this kind of analysis of a fairy tale with him, within about 30 seconds he'd be saying, "Dad, can I go watch TV now?" I had plenty of times with my kids when we'd watch a cartoon or read a book and I'd make some comment about implications or interpretation that resemble the sort of things you say here. ...


12

I'm just going to focus on what you are going to teach your child with this. Any legal issues or discussions about if piracy is wrong are for another time and place. Whether you should stop now or later or ever depends on what you want to teach your daughter. Eventually she will pick up on it. The longer you keep doing it, the easier it will be for her ...


10

I would address the accuracy of the name calling first. Was he shushing the noisy people, or announcing loudly that they should shush in order to get a teacher's attention? What was his true motivation? If it was simply to tell them what is right, I would say something like "the teacher was mistaken (it happens) and thought you were trying to get them in ...


10

Personally, the best I've seen is to ask question. This process can also be done after the kid see a t.v. show or a movie. Even after playing in the playground. What did you think about this person? Do you think that person was mean when they did this? Why do you think they did that? What would you do if it happen to you? It also makes it more engaging and ...


10

The other answers mention variants of "don't spend too much", which I agree with. One important point that's missing is: Let them know ahead of time. If they need to save up for a car, they should be able to start early enough that they can afford it by the time they intend to buy it. Also be clear that if they pay any money towards the car, it's their car ...


9

I think this book describes the relationship between mother nature and humans, and quite accurately too. We use the earth in exactly that way. We mine oil, harvest lumber, drive cars, just use, use, use, often without giving the source a second thought. And the earth simply allows us to take. I do not think it models human-human relationships at all, and ...


9

The Giving Tree, like any creative fiction, is open to interpretation. That's the beauty of it. People have interpreted it as you did, and even as satire--not a children's book at all. Some think the tree is God. You see what I mean? It sounds like your son enjoys it, but you're looking for someone to refute your own adult interpretation of it. The problem ...


9

First, my recommendation would be the toy goes away. Just because it was paid for doesn't mean it isn't stealing; she stole from you instead of the store. Keeping the toy implies that the offense wasn't all THAT severe. The problem with punishment here is that the time frame between the offense and the punishment might be kind of long for it to really ...


8

What? You shouldn't be "nice" to everyone. You should Treat everyone with respect Insist on being treated respectfully and justly Maintain the highest level of integrity Do not attempt to teach your children an inconsistent value system. All you would teach them thereby is dishonesty.


8

As a parent of adult children who are all "successful" by most standards I know of (financially, morally/ethically, etc.), first let me assure you that they can do way worse than this and still turn out fine. One event (or 2, 20 or 200) doesn't define your success or failure as a parent. We all fail and succeed as parents. It's not all or nothing. I very ...


7

This is something Alice (who is quite a bit younger), as well as a number of students (who were also, mostly middle school students) I have had have struggled with. Let me preface this by saying, I know Beofett is asking with a friend in mind, I am going to write this as if I am speaking directly to the parent just for the sake of simplicity. Kids do ...


6

Kids are very good at putting their own spin on the situation and I feel there are a few things that seem out of place... One of the things children need to learn is when it is appropriate to help and what help is appropriate. As someone who deals with a large group of children regularly myself I can tell you the noise of one or more children trying to 'be ...


6

I would go to your sister and say, "I am uncomfortable with you smoking marijuana, because I know our parents don't want you to be doing it. I don't want to rat you out, but you're putting me in a bad situation by smoking in front of me. I feel like it's my responsibility to tell them if I know you're doing this, but I also want you to be able to trust me. ...


6

We weren't rich growing so when it was time I need to go to university (on my own student loan) I needed a car. My dad who didn't have much at the time bought me an Uno Mia. I don't see something inherently wrong with "spoiling" your child with a first car. If the child is at driving age they are already either entitled or not. Teaching a child life ...


6

My parents saved a lot of money for me to go to college. When I chose the school that got the full-tuition scholarship, they used some of the money to buy me a new car. Did I turn out okay? Hard for me to say, I guess! Maybe I'm a spoiled brat who lacks self-awareness. But I was so glad to have it, and for much of my life I've generally worn unearned things ...


5

Use the world as your classroom. Model the behaviour you want your children to emulate. When you see someone who needs help, and the kids are with you, help the person and then explain to your kids what you saw and why you decided to help. When you see a situation where intervening might be more negative than not stepping in, explain that to your kids. ...


5

First, I will answer you direct question: No, there is no upside to talking to young children about racial or ethnic groups. Now, why do I say such a thing? Because I believe the question is flawed by its very nature. Let me elaborate. I have blue yes. You have brown. Should I talk to a young child about differences in eye color? I have red hair. You ...


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