Hot answers tagged

170

So... I've raced bikes and from my experience, they are probably littering. As much as a race organizer may try to clean up after a race the distance covered and volume of waste generated during a race means trash is spread along hundreds of miles and clean up is not going to be 100% effective. Those racers are probably also practicing sanctioned littering....


84

By tolerating the behavior, you're validating the behavior. Her age doesn't matter - it only make the problem your responsibility. Let's call things as they are: your daughter bullied another girl to the point that she doesn't want to come to school anymore. Work with the teachers on a solution. And inform the girl's parents. At the very least, have your ...


50

Am I the only person who thinks that it's entirely trivial for the next person to use the toilet to correct the seat position for their needs? I don't see why this is worth complaining about. Just teach your kids to make sure the seat is where they need it to be so that they can do what they need to do, and leave it at that. The whole "men must be the ...


47

What's important here is not the "littering" as such but that people are being responsible. I presume you want your son to be a responsible person in general so I'd focus on that and if he isn't too comfortable with what "responsible" means yet feel free to substitute "good or bad" as appropriate. TL;DR - Work with your son to see how hard it is to put ...


38

I don't see any reason why you should condone this behaviour, even if it is allowed by the authorities. If your child is interested in making sure trash ends up in the appropriate place, or isn't generated at all, you should be encouraging that. I think you're right. They should just put the garbage back in their pockets, shouldn't they? Maybe they'll get ...


30

I would try modeling the behavior you would like to see in her. I suspect you are correct in your assumption that she learned her current behavior from observing you. Which means you will probably have success by modeling helpful behavior. So when you ask her to pass you a napkin and she responds with "o self", ask your wife if she will pass you a napkin. ...


29

I'm going to skip over the entire religious part of the question and answer what you should do about the much simpler part: If a teacher physically assaulted your son over a verbal debate, you should take legal steps. This person is unfit to be a teacher. You should talk to a lawyer.


26

The situation for bottles and food wrappers is rather different. Honestly, with food wrappers, your son is completely right: they're just littering. Food wrappers are tiny and weigh next to nothing. There's no reason at all they can't just stuff the used wrappers back in their pockets. Obviously, with 150 cyclists each trying to dispose of multiple wrappers,...


20

As a person with ADD, I can tell you what helps with me. Post-it notes! Put a post-it note or a bright colored sheet on the wall reminding everyone (don't single him out) to "Please close the toilet seat when you have finished your business". Bright colors! I use neon yellow post-its to remind me of things I have to do consistently.


20

To agree with several of the above non-answers, and actually answer the question, as posted: the healthiest, smartest, most sensical means of teaching him to either not raise the toilet seat or to at least return it to closed would be ...to be a good example. For the several reasons already mentioned about gender roles, health, toddler safety, etc, just ...


20

I don't think you're in a black or white situation, where this 'bossy' behavior is either normal, or a problem that needs a parental solution-- It's both. It is quite normal for some five year olds to be bossy, attempt to control others, and to sometimes take it too far and be a bit of a bully to others, particularly if they are very confident kids with ...


17

A grandmother here! Remember to always make your answer age appropriate: First, be so impressed that he verbalized a bad behavior Next, just point out the differences that he asks about-no need to bore him with over explaining (Professional racers, Professional organizers, Paid to race, Volunteers to help clean) Bring your own experience in, “Mommy/Daddy ...


14

This reminds me of such a fun to-do kids' activity at our house. :) About every other month, we would have a "restaurant" lunch at home. I named the restaurant "Susie-Q's", printed up menus on my printer (with ridiculously low prices) that the kids could read (or have help reading). They could choose anything and everything they wanted from it. I play-...


14

It's not littering for the same reason you do your son's laundry. The cyclist's team is more than just the cyclist. The cyclist's role is to pedal like crazy, the coach's job is to coach. The event organizers, police, volunteers and janitorial staff all have their roles too. In your family, it's your role to care for your son and it's your son's job to ...


13

Be consistent. Rather than making the toilet a "special case", focus on teaching your child to close things he's opened when he's done with them. If you open the fridge, you close the door when you're done. When you open the door to go outside, you close it when you've gone through it. If you open a jar of pickles, you close the lid when you're done. If ...


12

I see two scenarios here. With most kids: A: And then for dessert, what do you think we should serve? B: I was thinking some-- B's child: MOM! MOM! Look! This book goes in the bucket! This is interrupting. There are lots of ways to deal with it. I liked to make physical contact - hand on arm or leg, or around waist - and eye contact and say "I'm having ...


11

There are seats that come down on their own, like a slow spring, it's down a few minutes later. I would not put this kind of emotional pressure on a 10 year old, even without ADHD. But for your son, I'd choose very carefully what to make an issue.


10

To be honest, I think this one is house-by-house cultural, depending on whether the behaviour desired is understanding of right and wrong, or obeying authority figures. Spanking is traditionally a clear indicator of an Authoritarian household or organisation, where the key to discipline is obedience; understanding of the issues involved are, at most, a ...


10

As long as your mode of parenting is loving and doesn't employ punishments, I see no great risk involved in over-parenting your child. You can work to foster desirable behavior at almost any age. I realize the example behavior you've described is not the full picture, but in that specific scenario, I don't interpret the behavior as bossy. Children are good ...


10

Is my daughter's behaviour acceptable, in the sense that we don't like it but could tolerate it because of the young age? Five is a rough age. Most kids are just finding their "voice", as their interactions with their peers have a lot more awareness of social nuance than younger ages, but there's still a fair amount of development on the finer points ...


9

When our kids interrupt a conversation, one of us squats down to eye level, places a hand on each side of the child's face, and says, "Is it urgent?" (If not) "Please let us finish and you will have my attention." Then we try to wind things up and get back down to eye level and listen to the child. The hands-on-the-face thing has become a bit of shorthand ...


9

To add to all the other excellent answers, I provide here a simple psychoanalytical interpretation of what is going on, using 'transactional analysis' (TA). (I am not an expert, nor professional psychologist, merely someone who has taken a keen interest in this area in the past). You say this: When this type of behaviour happens between my daughter and ...


8

I believe one of the original points about putting the "seat" down (actually the entire lid) is so that it doesn't spray stuff everywhere when you flush. When you flush, polluted water vapour escapes and takes ages to settle - and there are probably things in any bathroom you don't want all those germs on. Dr Charles Gerba PhD did a study on this which ...


8

As requested, just posting my comment as an answer: I don't see the harm in agreeing with your son! If he becomes a professional cyclist and his performance is being hampered by holding onto or going back to pick up rubbish, then you could take him aside and explain to him that in certain circumstances it might be excused ;) No need to over-complicate ...


8

I don't live in Sydney, but I live in New Zealand which has similar cultural standards. I think it is perfectly fine to let a child play in a fountain park with just a nappy on. I even occasionally see children playing in a fountain park with nothing at all on. There are a couple of things to consider: A regular nappy is going to absorb water like crazy, ...


7

The best way might be to show why people are polite to one another. It's mostly because we are more likely to respond favorably to people who are nice to us. My daughter sometimes has a tendency to just shout "Water!" when she is thirsty, which we almost always respond to with "can you ask nicely?". If she does, we give her water immediately. If she doesn'...


7

I'm always amused in these discussions, where women take the view that men are "at fault" because we leave the seat up. Excuse me? I'm responsible for you not watching where you're putting your butt? I never even heard of this "issue" until my girlfriend gave an anguished squawk one morning and "accused" me of leaving the seat up. My response? "Yup. So?". ...


7

You answer your own question in the prohibitions you put on the acceptable answers. If someone is doing something that you don't like there are only a few solution. Ask them to stop Do it yourself (cook for yourself or move out) Accept it There aren't really any other choices. What you need to do is work on #1 more. The only way to resolve an issue it ...


7

My daughter was born at 27 weeks. Congratulations will be appreciated in any case, I don't think you've stuck your foot in your mouth. After all, they did expect to have a baby, just not quite so soon. At this point they may be able to spend time in the hospital with their daughter. But they won't spend all their time there, so they will be able to look ...


6

This may be closed soon, but I wouldn't want you to leave without something to think about. Your granddaughter may well be spoiled, or perhaps she lacks impulse control, because we don't know all the particulars. There may have been extenuating circumstances (was her birthday on Father's day? Why, on her birthday, were you all doing something she didn't ...


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