Hot answers tagged

49

You bring up many points that show that your relationship with your kid is not the best at the moment. But I'd like to focus on your kid presumably being trans. It isn't a trend Yes, there are more people openly living trans these days than ten or twenty years before, especially in the younger generation. But this doesn't invalidate these trans identities. ...


23

I would suggest going carefully – the worst thing you could do is hurt your child or your relationship with them. Make sure that whatever you do is something that makes them feel loved and listened to. Next, I would realize that children at that age are going through a lot, both mentally, emotionally, physically and in interpersonal relationships. If it ...


19

You can have a family while being in a same sex relationship. I have a lesbian couple living on my street with 2 sons (thanks to a sperm donor) and a good friend of mine is lesbian and is in a wonderful relationship. And yes, it COULD be a phase. It's not uncommon for girls around their age to be attracted to other girls and grow out of it. But this could ...


19

Depending on where you live, this might sound controversial, but children don't need protection from their parents as long as they don't engage in violent, sexual or otherwise unhealthy behavior in front of / with the children. Painting your nails, dying your hair or even dressing in feminine clothes is not sexual or unhealthy behavior, it's you living your ...


17

Surgery sound scary, but it's not like on TV: you can't simply walk in and get surgery. Surgeons need to follow the WPATH Standards of Care (pdf) at the bare minimum. To my knowledge, all forms of surgery require the age of majority (typically 18 years of age). Your child will need to get a referral (possibly two referrals) from a "qualified mental ...


14

What ever happens, make sure she has gender dysphoria. Transitioning without dysphoria is a massive mistake, and most realize this sooner or later. If she actually is transgender, then transitioning is necessary for the dysphoria. She needs to see a psychiatrist/psychologist for a diagnosis, and it's important she does not lie/use examples on the internet of ...


12

It's normal to be hetero, gay, lesbian, bi, pan, whatever. People are different, and you cannot chose. People are who they are. You seem to have problems accepting this. I recommend you first work on yourself to open up to the world as it is. Your might read autobiographical books or blogs or watch movies by LGBT authors. There are TED Talks by LGBT about ...


8

Make it clear to your daughter that it's entirely her choice how she wants to live her life once she is grown up. Tell her you will stand by her regardless of how she lives it. Stress that you stand by her even in this difficult times. Maybe she wants to be called "he" from now on, I wouldn't deny this. If you do she/he will probably distance ...


8

I wouldn't stress over whether or not this is a phase. You should be able to be supportive of your children regardless of whether their preferences may or may not change over time. What her life is going to be like is largely culturally dependent, there are definitely parts of the world where coming out as LBTQ is associated with more immediate risks than in ...


7

Intro I'm a 27 year old trans woman, the atheist daughter of a pair of conservative, queerphobic christians. While I didn't figure out my gender until my mid twenties, I came to be an atheist at ~12, strongly suspected I wasn't straight at 16, was cross dressing intermittently back then, etc etc. All of which is to say, I kept a lot of secrets from my ...


7

This is not a full answer, more some advice. You say your daughter has some social anxiety (quite normal, certainly at that age) and that you work a lot. Is it possible she spends a lot of time alone and online? Spending too much* time alone and online is not very good for anyone's mental health, but it is an easy habit to form especially now with the ...


6

This post does not really answer the question, but it prepare the road to find an answer : Being tolerant and being comfortable are two very different things. It might just be that for different reasons your son is uncomfortable around sexual / gender questions. It might be personal issues. It might be that his ideas are far enough from yours that he is not ...


5

I promise you, your daughter already knows how you feel. You are probably antagonistic towards the lgbt community in the comments and attitudes you present in every day life. She isn’t telling you because she already knows your reaction will be awful. You need to see a therapist.


5

This is a partial answer, as the earlier answer is quite complete. The wife says, she would like to talk to a pediatrician to make sure recent studies prove children do not get traumatized. The vast majority of pediatricians will not have a ready answer for you. Like anyone else, they are most knowledgeable in (and focus on) what they see most often, ...


4

You should think more about spongebob squarepants, and less about transgender surgery costs. It is a trend and an emerging science Link to Google Ngram Viewer It is both a trend in human history and in the behavior of your specific child, since it has only shown signs at age 13. It's an emerging science, a vogue, a recent phenomenon, and anyone that would ...


4

Really, you don't know. Maybe he really is a boy, maybe she's just acting up for whatever reason. But in one case refusing to go along can have lasting consequences on his well-being, while in the other, well, it'll all go away and be soon forgotten. If he really is a boy, things will be difficult enough for him with lots of people, so-called friends, and ...


3

My two cents: don't. Unless you are 1000% sure that your parents are liberal about this, do not open up. If you get disowned or kicked out, you have no means of living, and if your parents decide to send you to some fake counsellor or "correctional facility", you will be obliged to comply. You'll be sucked into the middle of a battle that you will ...


3

What would our family say? You have a teenager. Your family, your friends, as well as yourself, will say a lot of uneasy things in the years to come. That's just an element of parenting. Every time, you will have to choose a side: your kid's wishes, what's best for them (not a trivial question itself), your own wishes or your own mental comfort (two ...


3

She may be either bisexual or pansexual. Perhaps she doesn’t know what that means and you should tell her about it. Have a chat with her, but do not sound angry or anything. Also don’t seem worried, or don’t feel worried. It’s perfectly normal. My daughter is also eleven and believes she likes girls. She knows a lot about LGBTQ+ and always surprises me with ...


3

My daughter came out as trans almost exactly a year ago. She was 17, so slightly older--those two years mean a lot. In the run-up to the announcement, our daughter experimented with dress and nail polish and growing out her hair. We complimented her hair, bought her nail polish, and complimented her clothes (usually the patterns because her style didn't ...


2

Although some people might indeed be "trapped into the wrong body" I also think the obsessive attention about this topic nowadays just talks (young) people into problems they don't actually have. However I don't think the right reaction about this is to freak out about it or limit her internet access. Instead I would do the following. Allow her ...


2

I’m a (mostly) gay man, and at 13 I would have been uncomfortable talking with a parent about gay couples in media or other queer topics. I don’t think I need to justify though that I’m not intolerant towards LGBT people, and it’s not because my father made an effort to raise me as tolerant. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I’ve noticed in ...


2

This site should be about parenting, not about transgender issues, so I'll leave that outside. Your child is either a transgender boy, or a stroppy teenager who loves upsetting her mom and seems to be pretty good at it. You don't know which one, and neither does anyone here. You just need to get through this, in a way that is good for your child and doesn't ...


2

I think if there's one thing that everyone on all sides of the transgender debate agree on, it's that surgery is a big and an irreversible step, and therefore shouldn't be rushed into. Similar to you, I have a child who identifies as trans. Because of that, I did a lot of my own research. I learned that a) there are many trans people who do not elect to ever ...


1

I am/was not totally up-to-date about all the new gender identities proliferating the last few years, so I had to do a bit of googling. After this research these are my cents regarding your issue. As far as I understand being asexual, pansexual and demisexual does not mean you need an invasive medical procedure or even a radical change of wardrobe. Being ...


1

Determining Their Views Finding out what they think about LGBT should be easy enough if you just take on a little interest in the psychological tendencies of women and men (or any subject with close links to the subject of LGBT). Once you have gathered a little bit of knowledge about the topic, you will naturally think of logical questions that can easily be ...


1

Women are more sexually fluid than men. Even if she's attracted to women, that doesn't mean that she might not get married and have kids some day. Women are both more likely to be bisexual as well as more likely to change their sexual preferences over the course of their lives, when compared to men (both links were just articles I found on the first page of ...


1

There has been a rapid uptick in the number of teen girls who come out as trans. These girls most often have a high social media usage, have some form of autism or other mental health issue and often are not the only ones to come out whithin their social circle. It is very probable that your daughter is just going through a fad. I sujest that you read "...


1

One piece of advice I received from a friend, who is a teacher, is to lean on books to help with the conversation. So I invested in new books focused on diversity and inclusion. Lots of multicultural stories and stories that emphasize how we all have differences and that they should be celebrated. That could be a way to have a very natural conversation ...


1

Is it a phase? We don't know. So let's play it out. It is a phase, it is part of them exploring their social identity. Is is not a phase, they are developing and exploring their sexual identity. You won't know for sure for a while. To be honest they probably won't work it all out for a long while (I am in my 30s and I am still working out who I am) Once ...


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