101
votes
Accepted
Grandparents want our three year old daughter to throw tantrums like her cousin did
What a pickle you're in!
I find it hard to imagine an adult who demands proof of love from a 3 year old by her being distressed (begging and crying). But there you have it. Your parents delight in ...
- 71.8k
92
votes
Grandmother keeps calling my daughter "Good girl"
The developmental science on not using "good girl" is, as I understand it, pretty nascent and theoretical; I can find a lot of blogs about it, but anything with actual research beyond the &...
- 10.3k
49
votes
Too many presents from Grandma - is this bad for my child?
I think that having a lot of things for your baby or kid is not a good thing, like toys or any other distraction (ipad, presents, bad food with sugar). This could create a behavior of only doing ...
- 531
46
votes
Grandparents mistreating my children
You are your child's parent. It is your responsibility to defend your child, even from your own parents. If you can afford it, your wife should move to a hotel. But you will have to explain to your ...
- 1,612
37
votes
Accepted
(How) do you explain a 3 year-old that he has to stay at his grand-ma for longer than anticipated?
Just be straightforward.
Tell him what will happen and why in whatever way you feel makes sense to him. Then ask open ended questions to check in on whether he understands (or not) and what his ...
- 7,482
30
votes
Accepted
How to encourage video chatting with family?
Calling someone or video-chatting is a quite abstract form of communication, and I would guess that her verbal skills are still rather limited, which makes a bilateral communication via screen ...
- 18.2k
29
votes
Accepted
I don't want to be an involved grandparent. How do I let my son know?
I have small children now, but I can imagine that I will feel the same when I become a grandparent.
When I had my first baby, I assumed that my mom will take care of him. I asked her, and she said ...
- 1,575
27
votes
Accepted
Grandparents mistreating my children
You have some of the picture, and the parts you have are obviously distressing. But until you have the whole of it, I would say nothing to your parents.
Talk to your wife often, and support her; she'...
- 71.8k
21
votes
How to handle 5-year-old granddaughter shouting "Get out" (of her room)?
Defer to her parents in all things.
While I can absolutely agree that behavior like this, particularly when expressed in such a rude fashion is unacceptable, there are a few things you have to ...
- 1,693
20
votes
Too many presents from Grandma - is this bad for my child?
At that age, there are pros and cons to having lots of toys, generally they're very superficial. For example:
Pro: Very easily bored baby has lots of variety
Con: Parents have lots of picking up to ...
- 311
15
votes
Grandparents mistreating my children
I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like, but here's what I would do if it was me and my son, and either my own dad (mom is deceased) or my in-laws:
After hearing my son crying ...
- 3,213
15
votes
My son calls my father in law Grandpa "nonno" (in italian) and his wife (step grandma) is telling my son to call him just Grandpa now not nonno
I think you should tell your son to call his grandpa whatever he is comfortable calling his grandpa unless his grandpa asks him to call him something else. You're not overreacting and I think you are ...
- 13.4k
15
votes
Grandmother keeps calling my daughter "Good girl"
It's very hard not to praise a child you love when they're pleasing you; I still do it, and I'm in my seventh decade and know better. So, empathy.
But your wife and you are right that praising the ...
- 71.8k
14
votes
How to encourage video chatting with family?
My kids (8 and 7) have gone in and out of interest of video chatting with Grandma (who they love seeing in person) over the years. We've not really stressed about it too much; we did at first, and ...
- 63.2k
13
votes
Should I babysit my step granddaughter?
If it were me -- (and there are only going to be opinions, no 'answer'), I would take the opportunity to be positive and loving. Show this baby who you really are and teach her to appreciate her ...
- 17.4k
13
votes
Grandparents want our three year old daughter to throw tantrums like her cousin did
I'd have a question for the grandparents: "Do you want her to be happy to stay, or sad to leave?" It looks to me like the grandparents are assuming that those two have to come hand in hand.
I know ...
- 1,497
13
votes
Daughter is deciding to have a child with near-total stranger
First off, I would stick to your guns on not raising the child, but you don't need to cross that bridge until you get there. That may never be asked of you. It's going to be a while before this child ...
- 1,095
12
votes
I don't want to be an involved grandparent. How do I let my son know?
Kudos to you for doing such a good job of raising your son that he doesn't realize what a chore it was. I hope my kids feel the same. I'm in the same situation as you; being around children is ...
- 9,007
11
votes
Accepted
Should a 6 year old's grandmother be kept away if she is abusive to her father?
TL:DR: Set boundaries.
This is not at all uncommon, and because of that, it takes a fair amount of insight to label yelling as abuse, but abuse it is. You're asking if witnessing abuse is bad for ...
- 71.8k
11
votes
Grandmother keeps calling my daughter "Good girl"
I'm pretty sure children take everything literally.
Taking things literally actually requires quite advanced linguistic skills. Young children learn most meaning through context. At the age of 9 ...
- 649
10
votes
How do we convince parents that we can't all be there within one week of the holiday every year?
I don't fault your parents for wanting everyone to come visit. Once kids get older and move out it becomes harder and harder to get everyone together, to have one more moment together as a family. ...
- 13.3k
10
votes
(How) do you explain a 3 year-old that he has to stay at his grand-ma for longer than anticipated?
I do not understand why so many people seem to think such problems ought to be hidden from their own children. 3-year-olds are certainly old enough to grasp basic concepts like love and good and bad, ...
- 412
9
votes
Grandparents mistreating my children
You are not there. You don't see what happens and thus have a hard time deciding what needs to be done.
Your wife is there. Your wife does see what happens. Let her decide, now, and tell her you will ...
- 2,899
9
votes
Accepted
Should I give my son a christmas card from my mother, with whom we deliberately have no contact?
No matter what might have happened between you and your mother this is a nice gesture. My wife has no contact with her father, and our kids only vaguely know they have another grandfather somewhere. ...
- 1,923
9
votes
4-year-old going on holiday without parents
I'm a bit apprehensive about him being without us, his parents, for 8
days so i decided to fly over for just a day and a half, to make sure
he is fine.
This is an awful idea.
If you act like ...
- 4,004
9
votes
Grandmother keeps calling my daughter "Good girl"
I personally have used a bunch of phrases in congratulating my daughter on her success. I think the important thing is not the exact phrase used, but the relationship with the child and that their ...
- 2,776
8
votes
Should I babysit my step granddaughter?
Honestly, I think you should do all you can to babysit regardless of what they call you. You yourself can prove that you are more than a babysitter and to children they don't care about names, they ...
- 2,090
8
votes
Grandparents want to raise my son but I want him back
but I want to raise him myself once I'm able to get rid of my postpartum symptoms and once I'm stronger as a single parent
I understand that you want to raise your son. I think you should explain ...
- 8,745
8
votes
My child said to my wifes face that he loves his grandmother (wifes mom) more than her, can you offer some advice how to deal with this?
It seems you already talked to the grandma and it wasn't effective.
Now you need to take action. Because if you don't, it will never change. The grandma could get away everytime so far, so why would ...
- 190
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