100

What a pickle you're in! I find it hard to imagine an adult who demands proof of love from a 3 year old by her being distressed (begging and crying). But there you have it. Your parents delight in your daughter's distress at seeing them go. Is that loving or is it immature, both, or something else? You decide. I don't want to tell her that its her ...


49

I think that having a lot of things for your baby or kid is not a good thing, like toys or any other distraction (ipad, presents, bad food with sugar). This could create a behavior of only doing minimal effort to get what you want in life. Hold on, these are not all correlated to behavior. If you don't want your kid to play on an iPad, don't give them an ...


48

I don't believe you can spoil a child without having them act spoiled. You can't jump in a pool without getting wet, just like you can't spoil a child without having it affect them. Spoiling a child robs the child of opportunities to learn and grow. Kids learn how to behave based on how they see their parents (and grandparents) act and how they treat the ...


48

You are your child's parent. It is your responsibility to defend your child, even from your own parents. If you can afford it, your wife should move to a hotel. But you will have to explain to your parents that they behaviour is unacceptable.


44

I would provide much less information to your children than you have listed here. It would go something like this. Uncle Joe has a problem in his head and he hurts people on purpose. Not just people, but children like you. I won't allow him near you in case he decides to hurt you. (Optionally: it's a very small chance, but even a small chance is too much.) ...


37

First off, your interaction with your toddler is totally common (I would say it's borderline universal, actually). Toddlers that age love to push boundaries. I would say two things - the first is, don't sweat it so much. If your kid only eats crap, let it happen. They're seriously not going to be a 20 year old who only eats chicken nuggets. Hitting and ...


35

Whether she realises it consciously or not, she is directly undermining and interfering with your ability to parent your children. She is not their parent, nor their legal guardian, and has no right to do that. How you handle this depends on whether it's just you and the kids, or you and your wife with the kids, when she is present. When you're with your ...


31

The best solution we've found yet is that the grands and great grands aren't allowed to skip the consequences either. No bungee-cord (grand)parenting allowed. "If grandma and grandpa want to give you that giant plastic castle play set, then it can stay at their house so you can play with it when you visit". "IF grandma is going to let you skip the nap and ...


29

I have small children now, but I can imagine that I will feel the same when I become a grandparent. When I had my first baby, I assumed that my mom will take care of him. I asked her, and she said yes. Maybe she didn't realize what it meant or truly overestimated herself, but it was obvious in a couple of weeks that she was way over her head. We hired a ...


28

This is something I needed to deal with. If they are starting to ask why they can't babysit, I would say something like this: As you know, we disagree on a few things that would be relevant while you were babysitting, like what kinds of food are ok or how quickly a crying baby needs to be picked up. I know that you think these differences are no big deal, ...


28

You have some of the picture, and the parts you have are obviously distressing. But until you have the whole of it, I would say nothing to your parents. Talk to your wife often, and support her; she's in a difficult position. Since you're not there to do the necessary confronting, she needs to do so depending on how inappropriate the behavior is. ...


24

This is interesting; it's only tangentially related to parenting, though. It has more to do with etiquette. Is it ever OK to demand a fixed time of arrival for a family with young children? Of course it is. The host/hostess can demand anything they like. You, however, don't have to give in to any demands made on you. You can simply - and you do have this ...


24

I see a lot of things that you can do just in the question, though I'm not sure there's a true answer to your question. First of all, one of the hardest things for children to deal with is inconsistency. Having Grandma treat him one way and (Step)Mom/Dad treat him another way is very confusing. This is not to say that you should not treat him ...


21

From what you describe, it sounds like you're making a huge and sensible effort to be a good parent. I think you would do well in a situation where you are not overruled. But it's clear from your description that your parents are overruling your parenting decisions, and this is the thing that causes you the most grief. This is what you should work on -- ...


21

Defer to her parents in all things. While I can absolutely agree that behavior like this, particularly when expressed in such a rude fashion is unacceptable, there are a few things you have to consider. You are there temporarily. Her parents are there permanently. Any change you attempt to enact via discipline or other interventions will not stick, because ...


20

At that age, there are pros and cons to having lots of toys, generally they're very superficial. For example: Pro: Very easily bored baby has lots of variety Con: Parents have lots of picking up to do If you don't want your child to "have" lots of toys but feel bad getting rid of gifts from grandma, find a place to store them that they don't know ...


19

I feel for you, I had a bad relationship with my father for a long time. Fortunately we managed to patch it up but that's not always in the cards. I wouldn't sugar coat too much or lie to your child. He's asking a fair question and it deserves an answer. Life doesn't always work out how we want and he's going to have to learn that sometime. That doesn't ...


17

shouts at me in front of them... Ask her to leave. Don't even wait for your wife to get home. It's healthy for your children to see how you're able to handle such situations with cool and determination. And of course, you can let her stay if she apologizes and if you feel she is genuinely remorseful. That being said, I have feeling you're not telling us ...


16

To me, the most complicated part of this is explaining a) why you don't want to forgive, or trust (or both) your uncle, and b) why you don't trust your mother's judgement on the matter enough to allow her to see your son. (Not that I'm questioning either element - you know the situation - but explaining the above to your child.) Presumably your child has ...


15

Please forgive my posting anonymously, but I think I might be in a unique position to answer this. Without going into too many gory details about my family history, my mother found out she was married to A Very Bad Man and, immediately, left him, taking my sister, her three-year-old daughter, with her. I was born later, in her second marriage, and growing ...


14

Potty training is so fun with kids. It's one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward, a shuffle to the side... In short, this sounds like one of the usual stops along the route towards full potty training. I don't see that you're doing anything wrong. Have you tried to talk with her about it? I don't know how verbal she is; my daughter was VERY ...


14

I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like, but here's what I would do if it was me and my son, and either my own dad (mom is deceased) or my in-laws: After hearing my son crying to me on the phone, and especially after hearing his other parent tell me that he is being mistreated, I would immediately call the grandparents and (if it was ...


14

I think you should tell your son to call his grandpa whatever he is comfortable calling his grandpa unless his grandpa asks him to call him something else. You're not overreacting and I think you are right in feeling this way. If your son is uncomfortable with the change, it's not up to her. Explain this to her next time, calmly, without fighting. Don't ...


13

First of all, your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal for her age. I don't know if that thought is terrifying or comforting. They are basically hardwired to seek out the adult of least resistance. The usual way for households to survive that stage is by all adults getting on the same page, which is sometimes easier said than done. Your parents don't ...


13

When we were newlyweds, my wife also had trouble spending savings. Her parents had drummed into her over and over the importance of saving, but never taught her when it was okay to spend or not. I think that's because they are somewhat impulsive spenders themselves, and feel guilty themselves, so they project that onto their children. What we did was ...


13

I can speak from personal experience with situations like that. We bring our child's meals with us. We prepare everything and have little containers always. So our child isn't involved in anyone's eating schedule. When dealing with scheduled events, if I experience what you just described with people getting angry at me and my wife because they don't ...


13

If it were me -- (and there are only going to be opinions, no 'answer'), I would take the opportunity to be positive and loving. Show this baby who you really are and teach her to appreciate her family -- all of them. Just keep showing 'them' who you are. Hold your head up. There will always be people who for no good reason, don't like you. You are smarter, ...


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