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130

I'm from the UK too. Call the parents and check the message was actually sent by them, it seems rather stupid that they would volunteer that information for no reason. I have had my Facebook hacked around four times usually by friends but once by a complete idiot who messaged all my family and friends some mean stuff. If she has admitted it and you know it ...


75

I'm not a professional, but my view is that you don't have any relationship whatsoever with a person who has harmed your children unless the wish for a relationship comes entirely from the child who was harmed, with no prompting or encouragement. Doing so delivers to your child a message that they're expected to accept abuse and allow abusive people to ...


59

You can't make anything clear to someone who doesn't respect your opinion. Explanations only matter if the person you're explaining to has kind of the same world view as you do. This is where boundaries come in. Clearly things are not ideal for this girl, and it's natural to want to be helpful, but in this situation, true helpfulness is often more than what ...


41

I think attrition will allow this to happen in the most natural and least hurtful way. You could encourage new friendships by helping Beth to invite other friends over for playdates or taking her and a friend or two to outings like the park or swimming. Lessons like swimming or art or dance (depends on her interests of course) or joining Girl Scouts might ...


40

How you act in this situation depends a lot on how much you and your daughter want to see this friendship continue. Make sure to evaluate this from the perspective of how it affects your children, not Joe. I know this might come off as a bit heartless, but Joe isn't your responsibility. Your children are. As such you need to worry about what is best for ...


38

I don't see a problem here. We moved house seven years ago, when my daughters were four and two years old. Till this day they still consider their best friend from that time to still be their best friend, even though they only see her at most once per year. This makes the occasion of seeing the old friend very, very special. This also help reinforce to my ...


36

Your kid doesn't understand the difference between this and any other toy because he's sane. It is a toy and almost completely incapable of hurting anyone. He probably has a dozen things in his backpack more dangerous than this toy. It is the adults in the situation that are screwed up, not the kid. He's not supposed to bring toys to school, so his ...


33

Give it time; time helps a lot. It's only been a few days, and this is quite a shock, especially to your daughter who probably worried for her friend's health/life. She's experienced a profound betrayal. It will be deeply disturbing for a while, but the intensity will fade with time. Whatever else this is, it's also an opportunity to talk to your daughter ...


27

Your kids' need to feel safe is more important than this other kid's need to have friends, and you need to tell the other mother that.


27

This is actually pretty common. First, lets get some things out on the table. Your talking to her. That makes you her friend, at least a little. Don't think that because you're older you can't "be friends". There need to be boundaries, obviously. But to someone that age "friend" can be anyone that listens. There are structured groups (Boys and Girls Club, ...


23

Am I really wrong ??? The situation you're in is truly heartbreaking. No one but you can decide for yourself if you're right or wrong. However, other people can share their experiences and beliefs. One question that comes to mind is, would you feel the same exact way if the other person were a male? In other words, if she didn't come out as gay and flaunt ...


23

Angela got message from her friend via Facebook with "Ha, Ha, I've scammed you." Who guarantees to you that the message is true and the cancer was all made up? Calm down. What do (did) you think about them? What do (did) Angela think about them? Who will profit from such message? If the cancer was faked; why confess when there is no doubt against you? If ...


21

My nine year old has had similar difficulties, although he does not yet have an official diagnosis. These are some things we found to help: First of all, consider that he doesn't need a lot of friends, he just needs one good one. It can take a while to find one, but there is someone out there who is the right mix of tolerance and kindness and quirkiness ...


19

My comment was a little harsh, here is how I feel about this situation: Your daughter is an adult. You have absolutely no right to tell her who she can and cannot befriend. I don't know what this girl has or has not done, but I do know parents almost always hold a bias. I remember growing up, my parents wouldn't let me hang out with certain friends ...


17

Don't invite Joe to the birthday. He won't have your daughter's full attention, and he'll get upset. This will be setting him up to fail, and that's not what Joe needs. (Nor is it what Joe's victim will need.) If you want to do something special, invite Joe and his mom out to dinner for your daughter's birthday.


16

Unless your child took the gun to school in order to threaten someone with it, or has thought about or talked about hurting someone with a real gun, I don't see why this isn't 'just about bringing a toy to school.' You might be scared, reasonably or unreasonably depending on the school and the circumstances, about someone such as a police officer mistakenly ...


15

In my house, it does not matter who's kid you are. We have house rules that everyone must obey by, including visitors. It's not OK for an adult to come into my house and smoke a cigar; Nor is it OK for a kid to come into my house and start running and screaming. I think it's up to you to enforce the house rules on everyone, including visitors regardless of ...


13

1) The other kid. Talk to your son. Make sure you listen to what he says and acknowledge it. His feelings of hurt, anger, and confusion are real. The aim here is to allow your son to come to the realization that he doesn't want to spend time with this other boy because the other boy causes upset. 2) Removing an iPad for 25 minutes is just as effective ...


12

With that background, is getting her into some kind of therapy or at least in contact with a school counsellor an option? OR get someone to help the family in the household? Perhaps even both. I am asking because with the background you describe, her looks really seem just a symptom! She is 13. Her mother is very ill. Her father is barely keeping things ...


11

In general, older kids will be viewed as cooler kids, probably because they have more freedoms and do more complex/rewarding things. Because of this, the younger children will emulate them, for better or worse. If you think that these older kids are someone you want your children to look up to, then its good to have your children interact with them. If they ...


11

At a slumber party, the number of attendees is usually more restricted than otherwise — there is a bit less space, a longer time commitment for the hosts, and the amount of noise generated by guests seems to increases exponentially instead of arithmetically... especially at 2am. It's possible that the age difference played some part in the decision; perhaps ...


11

It depends. Is "Beth" not cultivating new friendships, while sitting at home, pining for her friend who has moved away? If so, I'd take a more active role in cultivating some of those newer friendships (by making time for direct interaction as available as possible) from school and current activities. If not, I'm not sure why you'd want to forward a lesson ...


10

Assuming everything you've been told is true, it's an example of a "cancer fraud" scam. It's a crime and it's more common than most people realise. Like all alleged crimes, it's the job of the police to establish if it's true. They can do things you can't, like check actual hospital records. If it turns out it was a malicious prank (maybe someone hacked ...


10

I think your worry is justified. This isn't like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, where you are simply a passive supporter of a well meaning lie. You are thinking of actively deceiving your daughter. It might work if you make it very easy for her to figure out that it is you "behind" the box, and that you never meant for her not to know. It's a little ...


9

Punishment I agree with the school that he has had enough punishment and it should be time to move on at least in regard to punishing consequences - If he describes his experience with this at the school as an "ordeal" then, the interviews with the police, psychologist etc. were dramatic and disturbing to him and he has definitely got the message that ...


9

I am not sure this is the right forum for this question, but I'll give you the advice I would have given my former students. Putting you sitting next to a girl does not mean the teacher or other adults around will think you are dating and, honestly, even if there are some kids giving you a hard time about it - they don't actually think it means you are ...


8

Your rules are not too difficult for a 7-year-old to remember and follow on her own. When I was that age, I was allowed to go visit my friend who lived down the road, but my mom's rules were explicit. You have permission to go to X person's house. You are NOT to be anywhere else and you are to be home by X time. If I find out otherwise, you are in ...


8

Mazel tov :) A bat mitzvah is the same as any party: she invites those people who she wants to share in her celebration and achievement. I'd encourage your daughter to consider inviting them. Being forgiving shows a level of maturity, and it's an important lesson of adulthood that sometimes you have to put up with inconsiderate, entitled people. But don't ...


8

As you describe the situation, I would consider Angela as possibly a traumatized child in a troubled home situation, until you learn otherwise. This is not to say that her guardians have intent to neglect Angela, but according to Angela they're old and sick and perhaps unprepared (as you wisely observe that you are not fully confident) to raise her and deal ...


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