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172

Judging from your "Jeremy Kyle show" reference as well as your use of certain phrases, I assume that you are in the U.K., which has some impact on which answer is right as far as legal matters are concerned. Legal Answer I am not a lawyer and I don't live in the U.K., so take this with a grain of salt. You mention that social keeps "ringing me for a DNA ...


129

I don't think you can "parent" in the sense of applying discipline and strong guidance. But you can be in his life. My mother had a god-daughter on a different continent. From the time the god-daughter was a young child, my mother would write to her regularly. She always remembered birthdays and Christmas. She probably only visited a few times as the girl ...


110

Bro, don't be afraid. How old is this child? I'm guessing baby. My for real advice (everyone is RIGHT on the lawyer part, but that's not a part of my answer, because they have already said it. I'm going to talk about the personal, emotional side.), is to forget the mother's role and who she is just for now while you deal with it. Put that aside and think of ...


72

Pregnancy and how it affects the mother is an intense stew of physical and hormonal changes. Each child may come with a different "stew" recipe. Sounds like the father of her original child didn't stick around, so maybe there's some sub-conscious anxiety as this brings back memories and feelings that preceded that event/issue, as well. In any case, how she'...


68

It's so hard for parents when their children start to pull away. We may be parents, but we are also human beings. It hurts, even when we try not to show it. We question ourselves and if we are doing things "right". I remember when my oldest boy (he is now 20) stopped wanting to go to the movies with me. I was very upset; it was "our thing". It was an ...


41

UPDATE: This is apparently affecting my dad so much that he's thinking about quitting work, and he's the only source of income. I need some step-by-step instructions on how to do this before it's too late. There is no step-by-step way to make someone feel better whom you've hurt. But here's some basic steps. Understand why what you said was unfair ...


40

If there's one thing I'd communicate to a new parent-to-be, it's to completely clear out your expectations. Having expectations sets you up for disappointment, because nothing in parenting is like you expect it to be. That's not to say there aren't amazing highs in parenting - every single day I feel very positive feelings as a result of being a parent. ...


35

You need a better plan, kid. This will be a bit of a harsh answer, but you definitely seem smart and mature enough to deserve one. First of all, don't waste a single further breath explaining your "philosophical" objections to school, why you feel it's bullshit, to your dad. No dad has the slightest bit of regard for his son's "wisdom" on things like that. ...


34

My approach is not much different than what I'd suggest for plain vanilla everyday families: Why not supplement the biology part with a discussion of what makes a father a father or the fundamental difference between producing and raising a child? IMHO, every child's education on sex should include these aspects. We want to raise responsible adults, not ...


28

It depends on the child - some babies sleep through the night when young, some insist on feeding every couple of hours. Some need constant entertainment, some like wriggling in a basket. You'll probably be tired, and not be able to do as much non baby related stuff as you are used to, but you might not care. You'll probably want to spend lots of the time you ...


27

I don't have any experience or background here, I'm just a guy with a couple kids, including a 3yr old son. But I would say you should hang in there. You are part of your son and as he grows older you will probably start to see more of yourself in him. He will probably have reactions and behaviours and do things that remind you of yourself. You are ...


26

My wife's second pregnancy was kind of the same situation. I'm super excited, but she finds it hard to get excited. There are a couple things that have been affecting her emotionally. As a father your experience will differ from hers, it's okay, but it's important to understand why your experience differs and to discuss how you can be the most supportive ...


24

No one seems to have put it the way I would. Many years ago I was browsing in a bookstore with my daughter on my shoulder. An older gentleman asked her age. I told him; she was about 1 at the time. He looked at me wistfully and said, "enjoy them while they're young. They grow up very fast." Now I'm the older man, as that little girl is now 23, and ...


20

You've done a very good thing by asking for help. There may be tough times ahead, but you are trying hard to do something about it, so whatever happens, remember that you did the best you could. There is a biological urge to break away from one's parents, that often occurs around your age. This is partly to allow them to focus their attention and resources ...


20

I'm assuming you're in the UK, based on the language in your post. There are two things you need to deal with here: 1. Legal responsibilities If you agree to have your name on the child's birth certificate, you will have parental responsibility as his father, regardless of whether he is biologically your child or not. Do not do this unless you are ...


17

Whatever you do, from the voice of experience, if the mother has shown to not be trustworthy, do not restart any relationship with the mother of the child; women often use the child to keep the father around in the 1st or even 2nd year of a child, under the guise of building a family, even if not interested in a long term relationship. (it is usually a waste ...


17

Your wife should consider getting tested for pre-partum depression (pregnancy blues). Being as emotionally withdrawn as you describe may be a sign of depression.


15

I have not had this experience, so I have no first hand information. I have counselled one family in a similar situation -- the introduction of a birth mother to her child who was adopted by two loving parents. In this case, the child grew up knowing he was adopted. I would consider not being there for the delivery of this information, especially if your ...


15

Two to three beers a night for several years would be something very difficult to hide from one's wife, unless your parents are separated. You are worried, so you should talk to someone about it. I think talking to your mom would be a good idea. You might talk to your dad about it, too, but if he is really trying to hide it, it won't help as much, but it ...


15

Your child will only ever have one birth father. That is a fact. That he may develop relationships with other men in his life - step dad, uncles, teachers, coaches - is very likely as life if long and full of untold situations and scenarios. Those other relationships may have a bigger impact on his life BUT you will always be his birth father. Do not ...


13

The other answers are good. I'll offer another point of view: Cherish it Your son wants to hold your hand? Let him. One day he probably won't want to anymore and you'll long for the days when your little boy wanted to hold his daddy's hand. My son is also very affectionate. He's 6.5 and loves to hold my hand and kiss me and his mom and his sisters. And he ...


12

You're a gamer with relationship problems? Hey, I was a gamer with relationship problems too. I get it. (I even met my wife on an online game. Right after I killed her. What a noob... Sorry, what was I saying?) You have a lot of things going for you. The biggest one is that he's trying. The next biggest one is that you told him the truth. Right there, I can ...


12

I hope that if you and your wife are ready and truly want children that you will go ahead. However you have to be prepared to parent which is another full-time career and one that should have priority over any other one. In a perfect world, you'll have perfect children. I am not trying to be a naysayer, but if you would be unhappy giving up your usual ...


12

I'm sincerely sorry that you're having trouble enjoying this experience, but that doesn't mean there's anything about your partner you get to fix. You don't get to try to "bring that excitement out of her end" because she does not have to perform excitement for you, and for whatever reason, that excitement may not be there to be brought out in the first ...


11

My situation was very similar to yours. My husband and I filed natural paternity since neither of the boys legally had a father at birth, and the courts gave them his last name and amended their SSN's and birth certificate so that we are protected legally. Neither of my boys knew their "donor" or bio-dad as we came to call him when they got older. We just ...


11

I know it is easier said than done, but no sense stressing over unknowns. Just do the DNA test. If you are in the USA you could be court ordered, I do not know what they do elsewhere (and since you say "mum" I am sure you are likely not in the USA). I still suspect they could court order it. My point is, if you just go and do it, then you will know and ...


11

In my experience there's not a lot of pre-preparation you can do with the child at that age; it's hard to understand the concept of 'future' at 3. Tell her that you're going on a trip, but focus on things you can do during the trip for the most part. Daily or nearly daily calls are definitely one key element, in my experience; while neither my wife nor I ...


11

Before making it up to him, you need to fix what went wrong here, which means an open, mature discussion acknowledging the mistakes, and a commitment to doing things different in the future. If done well, this should be a significant event in building a relationship with your son, and a change in your parenting. I suggest openly clearing these points with ...


10

My advise would be to get her a book meant for children which teaches about menstruation. The book should be filled with non-frightening pictures of the human body with a simple-to-understand language. The reason is that she might feel embarrassed to ask questions about this to her father. The good book will answer her questions in her privacy. Moreover, ...


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