51

First of all, the "how should I handle this" depends a lot on what your own concerns are. Is your concern the "cousin" part? or the "two 14 year olds" part? If the latter, is it specific aspect (are they mature enough to consistently use birth control?) or just general age-readiness for sex as a concept? Once you sort out your concerns, the main and best ...


51

Six years old is old enough to understand gender in a general sense, and it’s definitely old enough to have an intelligent conversation about the complexities of gender. So my answer is to be honest with them and tell them how you feel. If you know, then tell them. If you’re not sure, then say so- and explain why, and what is going on in your head. Say ...


50

Your options are limited. You're an outsider and very new to actually being in the family, doesn't matter how long you dated your wife previously. You've only been recently allowed to enter the inner-circle of the family via marriage. If you are asked for your opinion then give it gently and tactfully. Don't come out immediately as being overly-critical. ...


44

I would provide much less information to your children than you have listed here. It would go something like this. Uncle Joe has a problem in his head and he hurts people on purpose. Not just people, but children like you. I won't allow him near you in case he decides to hurt you. (Optionally: it's a very small chance, but even a small chance is too much.) ...


40

Our 10 year-old has obvious mental and physical symptoms of her cerebral palsy, so we've had this conversation many times. We've found that adults are the ones who have problems coming up with explanations. They try to overcomplicate it and be too politically correct. Kids are usually satisfied with something simple and direct. They ask out of honest ...


36

A decent approach may be to keep it simple: "I'm still figuring that out", which sounds like a decent summary of where you are at the moment. Most kids are pretty chill about adults admitting we don't know everything, and if they'd like more information, they generally have no problem asking follow-up questions. If that's the case, it might be worth ...


26

Currently you are guest in this home. You are being granted the courtesy to live there. It would not likely be advisable to offer any criticism of anything they do, as it has potential to really blow up into a serious issue. As a parent, unless what I see is a significant threat to someone's safety or similar, I would never say a thing. My motto is "not ...


24

This is interesting; it's only tangentially related to parenting, though. It has more to do with etiquette. Is it ever OK to demand a fixed time of arrival for a family with young children? Of course it is. The host/hostess can demand anything they like. You, however, don't have to give in to any demands made on you. You can simply - and you do have this ...


22

One, no slapping. Besides being very unpleasant it is counter-productive and will make the problem worse. The reason your nephew is misbehaving this way is because he gets attention. You have a problem because there's little you can do yourself, parenting must come from the mother and father. The problem is he's getting lots of the wrong kind of attention ...


20

Leave your father-in-law alone. It's not your business to talk to him about these things, you would invade his space and, very likely, nothing good would come from it. If your question is motivated by concern for your brother-in-law, then just be a good brother-in-law to him. Befriend him, go out with him (maybe together with your wife, maybe not), be happy ...


19

This is a territory problem, but not I don't think in the obvious way... If it's your kid, it's the territory between your house, your rules, and the other kids family's way of doing things. It's all about domain. I'm assuming we're talking about elementary aged kids. There's a lot to be said about what kids know at that age that can't be quantified. Whether ...


17

I think you are reading far too much into this. In fact, I was struggling to see what the problem was. You helped the young kid go potty. He needed help. If he'd poo-ed himself, you would have changed him, right? If he'd fallen down, you'd clean the blood off his knee, right? If you feel uncomfortable about it, you could mention it casually to the parents, ...


16

You or your neighbor should definitely contact an authority. You've described child neglect which is reportable to authorities. To not report it would cause harm and could lead to worse problems. Because there is concern about (abuse or) neglect, a trained professional, such as a doctor or fireman, should be called. One way to deal with this would be to ...


16

To me, the most complicated part of this is explaining a) why you don't want to forgive, or trust (or both) your uncle, and b) why you don't trust your mother's judgement on the matter enough to allow her to see your son. (Not that I'm questioning either element - you know the situation - but explaining the above to your child.) Presumably your child has ...


15

Please forgive my posting anonymously, but I think I might be in a unique position to answer this. Without going into too many gory details about my family history, my mother found out she was married to A Very Bad Man and, immediately, left him, taking my sister, her three-year-old daughter, with her. I was born later, in her second marriage, and growing ...


15

I have not had this experience, so I have no first hand information. I have counselled one family in a similar situation -- the introduction of a birth mother to her child who was adopted by two loving parents. In this case, the child grew up knowing he was adopted. I would consider not being there for the delivery of this information, especially if your ...


14

Parents First I assume your sister is the mother. Why isn't she (or his father) talking to him about it? Not that you can't or shouldn't, just feels like it should come from the parents first. Plus the perspective of a girl would probably be good as well, as she could explain why this situation would make her feel bad if she were the girl being asked like ...


14

There are 2 (possible) issues here. Age You could be concerned about the age. This does raise a few concerns: What happens if they break up? Will she be able to cope? A number of people around my age have been in serious committed, sexual relationships and haven't worked out - for a number of reasons. It often seems to be that those boys who will enter ...


14

Am I overreacting?? Possibly. Probably. To adults this act - showing a young person a beheading - is horrifying, because we know all that it means. But a child might not see it that way, especially if they are exposed to violence in games/TV shows, etc. It was probably sensational to your nephew and he wanted to impress someone else with his sensational ...


13

If you're having to describe this process as a "negotiation" then I get the impression that relations between your family and your parents/in-laws aren't always the most hospitable. Perhaps I'm reading more into the word than was intended. Are they the types of people who tend to over-stay their welcome? Show up unannounced? Have unreasonable ...


13

First, you are not withholding comfort. You are allowing them to express themselves in a way which requires them to handle the issue without forming a dependency. Being comforting is not the same thing for every child and every situation. For relatives, they likely have children. That being the case, I'd ask them if any 2 of the children were able to be ...


13

I can speak from personal experience with situations like that. We bring our child's meals with us. We prepare everything and have little containers always. So our child isn't involved in anyone's eating schedule. When dealing with scheduled events, if I experience what you just described with people getting angry at me and my wife because they don't ...


12

Two things: I wouldn't take my child, especially young child, to flea invested anywhere. Even my parents' house. Since this is a deviation from the norm in your parents, I would be concerned for them. I think it's worth asking "hey is everything okay....? What can we do about this flea problem...?" Etc. No need for blame/shame (as in all my parenting ...


12

You are not expected to love your new graddaughter the same as your first one. But you are expected to love her for what she is: a beautiful loving child (your own words). That means she is an individual that has a right to be seen as such. She is not an incumberance or a distraction that comes between your first grandchild and you, but an addition. How ...


11

What a horrible dilemma! As I see it, your problem comprises three distinct elements: Your mother has little or no sense of what reasonable boundaries consist of. She also lies when it suits her purposes, and for some reason has prioritized her relationship with her son over the safety of her grandchildren Your uncle has even less sense of boundaries than ...


10

Talk to the parents beforehand Preferably sometime a days or weeks in advance, not ten minutes before they're leaving, discuss your concerns with sis in law. Explain your concerns: your kids feeling jealous, bored, less appreciative of their own gifts, etc. Obviously, your goal is not to stifle your sis in law's generosity (and make sure she knows this), but ...


10

Short visits in the hospital or at your home from relatives who live nearby are rarely an issue, as long as they call ahead first. I'll focus my remarks on either extended visits from far enough away that the visitors can't sleep at their own house, or when someone lives close but wants to visit for several hours a day to help out. In my experience, these ...


10

When my children were growing up we had several mantras, and one was "we don't hit". You really cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them, nor not to scream by screaming at them etc. Dealing physically with a hitter is easier when you have been picking them up and holding them your whole life. A toddler can be very strong and squirmy, and you can't be ...


10

They live in another state and do not come to see me. While your son and his daughter have had time to bond with your new granddaughter, you have not. Of course your granddaughter is much (more) beloved by you. But you have an opportunity to show your son that you love him by loving and accepting the people he loves. Also, doing anything less will put a ...


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