New answers tagged discipline
0
At that age, I wouldn't be too concerned, if this is an isolated issue. Apologizing is a complex concept. It involves recognition of a wrong, a show of remorse, an acceptance of guilt, and preferably, an intention to avoid the same mistake in the future. A lot of adults don't get apologies right (e.g. the classic "I'm sorry you find that offensive")...
3
Three strict rules --for me, not the kids --help me establish effective consequences with my children:
Always make sure the consequence is directly and proportionally related to the misbehavior: If the child is misbehaving at the dinner table, the consequence could be that this meal ends early, even if they haven't eaten. But it wouldn't be losing tomorrow'...
answered 12 hours ago
Chris Sunami supports Monica
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20
Both in this question and in the linked question you write that this happens in the middle of the night. You seems to believe that the problem is that they are sneaking up and playing games; I think the problem is that they wake up in the middle of the night and don't go back to sleep for hours.
What do you expect them to do if they are wide awake at 2am? ...
-4
In indigenous societies children older than about 6 will be learning the skills to survive in nature. Their brains are becoming ready for that, they will become sensitive to possible future problems having to do with their primary needs, like having shelter and enough food. Behavioral problems that are common in our society are extremely rare in those ...
2
To me this sounds either alike an early stage of addictive behavior - or some kind of computer obsession. As an autistic programmer myself, I can tell for certain that I've used my Super Nintendo whenever I wanted to and nobody could tell me when or how to use it (but some years elder and I had to buy everything from savings). It got particularly time-...
9
This event has brought us to the point where we can only think of some kind of "trigger event", to associate with the misbehaviour, such as physically breaking the DS in front of him. [...] We can't do much more than give them a smack and send them back to bed.
I strongly recommend not to "give them a smack" (physical punishment is ...
37
Your relationship with your oldest child appears to be in a downward spiral. You seem to describe a power contest, where the only resort you have is to continuously up the punishments. This is never helpful.
Something that might help: assume that kids are always trying their best. They want to succeed, and your job is both to teach them how, and to rig the ...
34
First: do not, under any circumstances, try to "trigger" them. That's a great way to end up in a reddit thread a decade or so down the line complaining about the child's mentally abusive parents - and they wouldn't be far off. Trying to "shock" them into good behavior would do nothing except make them fear you, which hopefully isn't your ...
1
...as I’m counting he takes over the control and opts to put himself in time out...
There's nothing wrong in that that I can see. If the child feels better having a bit of control over this, fine! As long as they do the time out. "Negotiating" a time out implies, to me, that they start trying to get out of doing a time out or change it in some way ...
1
Actually both (2) and (3) are almost as bad as (1) because they only can be applied if someone knows what they did wrong. The question you need to ask yourself is not "How do I correct behaviour X?" but rather "Why is behaviour X wrong?" and "Why should anyone share my judgement of right and wrong regarding X?".
And there is ...
0
So yea there are some fairy tale answers here. I think they are thinking about this too deeply.
1st - it is a MAJOR issue if you kid wants to damage/vandalize random things. There is something wrong with him/her. Whether this is being upset about something, an issue that is not being dealt with or unstable discipline... the kid is lashing out. Let's ...
8
Why not simply tell him the true reason?
"You shouldn't damage the thing because it isn't yours."
Because it is the correct and logical answer, this one is more likely to work than the others and get the kid to learn something useful.
Then you could explain using simple examples: "If you have a toy you don't like, maybe you want to break it or ...
0
Let's go through these one at a time:
"The watchmen will reprimand you if he sees you" - that implies that the only reason that you wouldn't do something like this is that you might get caught. So, in the future, will he avoid doing stuff like that, or will he only be careful not to get caught?
"Because I say so" - not very convincing, ...
3
Have you thought about why you don't want your kid to vandalize things? No "authoritative" answer will be as convincing as your very own and authentic feelings and thoughts on the matter. Even "I don't want you to break it, because I like how it looks" will work better than any fake answer parroted from the internet. Kids have great BS ...
2
Dealing with this kind of thing starts at home.
What do you say/do when he kicks something at home? In my home there is an emphasis on looking after our possessions. "Don't throw that, you'll break it, and then you can't play with it anymore. We look after our possessions."
Emphasis on looking after our own things, because they are valuable and we ...
21
Just to add to what other posters have said, this can be a good time to give a child a lesson in empathy as well. Something like "Well, that dinosaur belongs to someone. Would you like it if someone kicked your <favourite toy, games console, etc>?".
They would most likely say no, so then the obvious next question is "Why not?"
27
Something that hasn't been addressed is why the child is kicking the dinosaur.
They are bored with the park or this exhibit ("Hey, don't damage the exhibits. If you're bored let's go and see the XYZ.")
They are imagining fighting a dinosaur (Acknowledge the story. Compliment their bravery etc. Engage the imagination by talking about fighting a ...
6
Here are some pros and cons that I can think of:
"The watchmen will reprimand you if he sees you"
Pros:
Communicating that social rules are enforced
Teaching that actions may have consequences
Convenient as you as a parent are not saying no
Cons:
Not communicating your own position on the matter (which means that the main message - that ...
53
Of all your suggestions, only one really says “it’s not ok to kick the dinosaurs”. The other are sending a different message, which can be summed up as
Don’t do it when [some else with more power] sees it, because there may be undesirable consequences.
The logical next step for some clever kids is to do exactly what you don’t want them to do the moment ...
18
Quietly and politely, tell the child to please not kick the dino and give the best possible (age-appropriate) reason. Something like "Please don't kick the dino. The dinos in the park are not for kicking. If other kids start kicking them, the dinos will fall apart and then next time we come to the park, there will be nothing to play with."
...
3
I occasionally resort to comparisons to the workplace, to help parents reflect on how they're seen through the child's eyes. Many adults have a boss who is an authority over them, and that is in some regards the closest thing to a parent that they can relate to.
Bosses, like parents over children, to some extent decide over employees. When we're yelling, or ...
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