57

Your relationship with your oldest child appears to be in a downward spiral. You seem to describe a power contest, where the only resort you have is to continuously up the punishments. This is never helpful. Something that might help: assume that kids are always trying their best. They want to succeed, and your job is both to teach them how, and to rig the ...


53

Of all your suggestions, only one really says “it’s not ok to kick the dinosaurs”. The other are sending a different message, which can be summed up as Don’t do it when [some else with more power] sees it, because there may be undesirable consequences. The logical next step for some clever kids is to do exactly what you don’t want them to do the moment ...


51

First: do not, under any circumstances, try to "trigger" them. That's a great way to end up in a reddit thread a decade or so down the line complaining about the child's mentally abusive parents - and they wouldn't be far off. Trying to "shock" them into good behavior would do nothing except make them fear you, which hopefully isn't your ...


28

Both in this question and in the linked question you write that this happens in the middle of the night. You seems to believe that the problem is that they are sneaking up and playing games; I think the problem is that they wake up in the middle of the night and don't go back to sleep for hours. What do you expect them to do if they are wide awake at 2am? ...


27

The keys are Talking to her about it when she's not in the act of doing it but preventatively when she is calm and in a listening state, perhaps at bedtime, Flipping the "don't" rule to a positive rule, Using a song or a visual aid so it sticks in her memory. My toddler was being dangerous standing on chairs so we came up with the jingle, "...


27

Something that hasn't been addressed is why the child is kicking the dinosaur. They are bored with the park or this exhibit ("Hey, don't damage the exhibits. If you're bored let's go and see the XYZ.") They are imagining fighting a dinosaur (Acknowledge the story. Compliment their bravery etc. Engage the imagination by talking about fighting a ...


21

Just to add to what other posters have said, this can be a good time to give a child a lesson in empathy as well. Something like "Well, that dinosaur belongs to someone. Would you like it if someone kicked your <favourite toy, games console, etc>?". They would most likely say no, so then the obvious next question is "Why not?"


18

Quietly and politely, tell the child to please not kick the dino and give the best possible (age-appropriate) reason. Something like "Please don't kick the dino. The dinos in the park are not for kicking. If other kids start kicking them, the dinos will fall apart and then next time we come to the park, there will be nothing to play with." ...


16

Just holding their hand and gently saying "no" achieves precisely nothing if they're ignoring you. Remember that the risk is the TV falling on them, which is potentially fatal. You wouldn't simply hold their hand and gently say "no" if the risk was burning or electrocution. So the rule is "don't touch the TV" on the same ...


16

Someone will probably comment that ODD and ADHD can't be diagnosed reliably in a preschooler. Not only is that unhelpful, it's also untrue. I can't speak to your child's ADHD, but it sure sounds like they have ODD. What can you do? It's hard to say, because you don't mention everything that you do try before the tantrums erupt. You don't say what kind of ...


12

This event has brought us to the point where we can only think of some kind of "trigger event", to associate with the misbehaviour, such as physically breaking the DS in front of him. [...] We can't do much more than give them a smack and send them back to bed. I strongly recommend not to "give them a smack" (physical punishment is ...


10

Three strict rules --for me, not the kids --help me establish effective consequences with my children: Always make sure the consequence is directly and proportionally related to the misbehavior: If the child is misbehaving at the dinner table, the consequence could be that this meal ends early, even if they haven't eaten. But it wouldn't be losing tomorrow'...


9

Why not simply tell him the true reason? "You shouldn't damage the thing because it isn't yours." Because it is the correct and logical answer, this one is more likely to work than the others and get the kid to learn something useful. Then you could explain using simple examples: "If you have a toy you don't like, maybe you want to break it or ...


9

I don't know you, so this may be off the mark, but could it be that breaking the rules, drawing on the carpet etc, is the thing that finally gets your attention, and interrupts whatever chores you've been doing? Children need our attention, and will usually do what it takes to fulfil that need. To avoid undesirable behaviour, it is preferable to make sure ...


8

I share your view on what fosters a healthy relationship to food. I would not tolerate that someone treated my kids the way you describe. I understand that you are providing for your extended family. I do not find it unreasonable to condition this financial support on their respect for your parenting preferences. I do not, however, share your view that a ...


8

First, those are some really harsh punishments. Punishment rarely works, and now that you've seen for yourself that it doesn't with your kids, please stop. I don't know if there's a good English term, but you've reached what pedagogues in Sweden call the method ceiling, we're your current methods are no longer working. At this point we usually escalate our ...


8

Terrible two At the age of 2-4 a child goes through a phase where they learn the notion of authority. Essentially, by now the child is sufficiently intelligent and autonomous to know what they want and how to get it (more or less), but they don't know that some things are impossible, not allowed or simply not suitable at the current moment. They therefore ...


7

You are right that the TV falling on your child is a danger. Similarly, dressers and other furniture can fall onto a child (especially one who likes to push or climb furniture) so I recommend you toddler-proof your house with furniture safety straps. When our kids were toddlers, we surrounded our TV with a baby fence. Neither of our children were as ...


6

Here are some pros and cons that I can think of: "The watchmen will reprimand you if he sees you" Pros: Communicating that social rules are enforced Teaching that actions may have consequences Convenient as you as a parent are not saying no Cons: Not communicating your own position on the matter (which means that the main message - that ...


5

It's pretty clear to me that the boy's behavior isn't about the dog. It's about YOU. He's testing boundaries and trying to see what he can get away with, and has discovered that hurting the dog pushes your buttons in a big way (understandable). It's an endless well of interaction with you! You need to stop with the 20-30 no-real-consequence reminders a ...


5

I'm going to use some animal training terms, I understand that human children are different from animals but these techniques really do work on humans, too. See the NY Times "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage" article. Put a play-pen around the TV, so that she can't get to the TV. Or put the TV on a raised wall mount, so she can't get to ...


5

I have never encountered this, and find it to be inappropriate unless there is a lot of detail you are leaving out. This statement just strains relations, and warrants a frank but respectful conversation with the instructor, at least. The difficulty of the teachers job, by itself, is entirely irrelevant to what constitutes appropriate behavior in class. ...


5

I would absolutely encourage you to try. Positive parenting is a rather wide umbrella, most of which has some evidence to back up its claims, so the "will it work" question in your title is too broad to give a detailed answer to, but could answered in general terms: yes, probably. It's not an all-or-nothing package; I think you should start out ...


5

So far, I do both while also calmly but firmly saying "no" re the object that's to not be touched. That's a good approach, if used consistently and lots of repeating. At what age does one proactively uses words as primary way to bar a child from engaging with any objects that can be of harm to them? One year is perfectly good time to start. Just ...


4

I would certainly consider it inappropriate to say those words in the way you relayed them to us. Teachers generally should not give unsolicited advice to parents about how to raise their children; rather, they should give feedback to the parents as to how the child is doing in school. This can convey much the same information, but in a more respectful ...


4

It sounds to me like she is exercising the limited control she has. Granted, other things may be going on here. The ability to interrupt play, for instance, is a different skill from the ability to identify that you need to go to the bathroom. It is possible to have acquired one without the other, but you'd need both to avoid accidents, in certain scenarios. ...


4

You are in a very difficult situation. Being a single parent is a challenge at the best of times. You have been thrown into the deep end with no preparation, no chance to build a proper parent-child relationship with your brother, and nobody else to help (your granddad doesn't count: see below). On top of that you have no doubt been struggling with your own ...


3

To me this sounds either alike an early stage of addictive behavior - or some kind of computer obsession. As an autistic programmer myself, I can tell for certain that I've used my Super Nintendo whenever I wanted to and nobody could tell me when or how to use it (but some years elder and I had to buy everything from savings). It got particularly time-...


3

Have you thought about why you don't want your kid to vandalize things? No "authoritative" answer will be as convincing as your very own and authentic feelings and thoughts on the matter. Even "I don't want you to break it, because I like how it looks" will work better than any fake answer parroted from the internet. Kids have great BS ...


3

I occasionally resort to comparisons to the workplace, to help parents reflect on how they're seen through the child's eyes. Many adults have a boss who is an authority over them, and that is in some regards the closest thing to a parent that they can relate to. Bosses, like parents over children, to some extent decide over employees. When we're yelling, or ...


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