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172

Judging from your "Jeremy Kyle show" reference as well as your use of certain phrases, I assume that you are in the U.K., which has some impact on which answer is right as far as legal matters are concerned. Legal Answer I am not a lawyer and I don't live in the U.K., so take this with a grain of salt. You mention that social keeps "ringing me for a DNA ...


110

Bro, don't be afraid. How old is this child? I'm guessing baby. My for real advice (everyone is RIGHT on the lawyer part, but that's not a part of my answer, because they have already said it. I'm going to talk about the personal, emotional side.), is to forget the mother's role and who she is just for now while you deal with it. Put that aside and think of ...


20

I'm assuming you're in the UK, based on the language in your post. There are two things you need to deal with here: 1. Legal responsibilities If you agree to have your name on the child's birth certificate, you will have parental responsibility as his father, regardless of whether he is biologically your child or not. Do not do this unless you are ...


18

What a difficult, painful and important issue. And congratulations on recognizing the long-term effects that the situation might have on your children. Divorce can affect a child's relationship with their parents, and creates stresses which can interfere with their natural development. While divorce per se does not seem to negatively impact children in the ...


17

Whatever you do, from the voice of experience, if the mother has shown to not be trustworthy, do not restart any relationship with the mother of the child; women often use the child to keep the father around in the 1st or even 2nd year of a child, under the guise of building a family, even if not interested in a long term relationship. (it is usually a waste ...


11

I know it is easier said than done, but no sense stressing over unknowns. Just do the DNA test. If you are in the USA you could be court ordered, I do not know what they do elsewhere (and since you say "mum" I am sure you are likely not in the USA). I still suspect they could court order it. My point is, if you just go and do it, then you will know and ...


10

I'm a father who tends to think the legal system is biased in favor of the mother, but in this case, assuming that you are not involved in drugs and such yourself, I think you're right to seek full legal and physical custody. You might consider letting the father have supervised visitation only.


10

I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is, this behaviour probably isn't strictly related to the toxic relationship between you and your wife. For the bad news, re-read the good news. At around 2.5+, your child works out that one way to get a little bit more attention is to make you a little less secure about their affection. Anecdotally, my 2-...


9

The research referred to on the program was a study out of the Universty of Toronto (by Esme Fuller-Thomson and Angela Dalton) published in Psychiatry Research which "examined gender specific differences among a sample of 6,647 adults, of whom 695 had experienced parental divorce before the age of 18." So they were talking to adults about whether they had ...


9

There are some good answers above - particularly NOP's - but there is one thing that they don't mention in detail and that is your duty and responsibility as a man. Not a boy, a MAN. It is a man's duty and responsibility to provide for and to protect his children. Even if you did not intend to become a father, even if you were tricked into doing so or it was ...


8

As long as the dad is responsible parent that takes well being and security of your son seriously then your son will benefit from having both parents in his life. They both can teach the child about life from different perspective and provide relationship that helps with emotional development. Also the dad has the right to have his son as part of his life ...


7

Kudos for asking yourself (and us) this question and your willingness to be a good dad. A lot will depend on the relationship with your ex-partner. I'm assuming a "reasonably amicable divorce" here. Step 1: Be informed about whatever is going on. Make sure you are up to date with school events, sports club schedules etc. Shared custody is so frequent ...


7

I don't think there have been any specific studies and each situation would be different. The most important thing is that he is spending time with both of you. The next important thing is routine, if you can have some consistency between both the homes it would make it easier on him. Things such as meal times, bed times and favourite toys. Travel time ...


6

I am a father and also a co-parent and my boy is two years 3 months old. I take him from the kindergarten Wednesdays and Thursdays, and on those days the caregiver of the kindergarten is putting my son into the mood that "Papa will take you today". On the days that she forgot it, my kid was crying when he saw I was there to take him. Otherwise it was all ...


6

Your maturity, sensitivity and common sense are very evident, and your daughter is fortunate to have such a giving and loving mom. Kudos to you. You're absolutely right: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. So, what to do? Legally, you can't just decide to end his visitation. To do that, you have to go to court and get a ruling to ...


6

If there was a custody settlement, it should cover this situation, ideally specifying where pickup and dropoff occur. If it's not specified, the most normal arrangement is for each party to pick up the child for their custody time, since that prevents a delivering party from delaying and cutting into the other party's time. This means that the noncustodial ...


6

First of all I think you are a very good parent. I'm not being sarcastic or something, I just see it how you describe the whole situation. Sixteen is a very difficult age though. Everybody is different, some 16 year old kids are grown up and some have problems. You should talk to him. Tell him that you are his father and you love/like to spend time with ...


5

Unfortunately, divorce is set up so that as the noncustodial parent, you have very limited opportunities for meaningful impact due to limited time with the kids. Here are a few things you can do on and with your schedule: I. Keep up with your kids' school. Schedule at least one one on one meeting of at least half an hour with each teacher at the ...


5

Your son is 11, and really shouldn't be privy to the monetary specifics of your relationship with his mother. However, "Should" often doesn't translate to reality. So you need to be prepared, if you take this step of denying her and in effect sending her to jail (let's call a spade a spade; your son may well see it this way), or of cutting her out of your ...


5

How you handle it is entirely up to you. If you choose to bail her out, I believe it is reasonable to ask for something in return. What that something is is up to you (I also advise that you have some sort of documentation of any agreement you make that will hold up in court, but I digress). If you don't cancel the order, you aren't doing anything wrong. ...


5

First, get a DNA test. That's a no brainer to me. If the child does turn out to be yours, then the ethical answer to me is clear: you're 50% responsible for the child. The fact that it may have happened via a condom break is irrelevant: your sperm, your responsibility. Put your name down as the father and take on the job of parenting. Lots of young men (and ...


5

As a foster parent going through the last steps of licensing, let me give you my perspective. First let me say that I am in the US and it seems you are in the UK. Legally I know this sucks a little, but it may be worth it to get the DNA test. This is a tricky situation, and the laws in the UK are probably different then in the US in this regard, but ...


4

I completely agree with routine, and using the school or daycare as an exchange. Around here, a very common schedule is 2-2-5-5. That is, one parent has Monday and Tuesday, another will have Wednesday and Thursday, and then there are alternating weekends. This makes things much easier for scheduling, and allows the co-parents to do more on the weekend (e.g.,...


4

Your child has a human right to a family life with his mother. Her financial debts to you are irrelevant to that right. She has a human right to a family life with her child, and again her debts to you are irrelevant to that right. These rights can be interfered with, but only in extreme situations. Is the child at risk of physical, sexual, or emotional ...


4

I want to add my response here, because it seems like most of the answers you've received already are telling you you SHOULD take on the responsibility of being this baby's father, if it turns out he is yours. I am ALSO going to tell you that, but I want to honestly address what you give up in becoming a parent, so that you really understand the magnitude of ...


4

What is the best approach to begin getting her back on track and how do i properly teach her consequences and discipline? I would begin to talk to her about her behaviour. You can tell her how you feel about her behaviour. Make a judgement of her behaviour, not of her as a person. Educate her about the dangers of smoking, drinking, unprotected sex, etc. ...


3

I don't think the other answers recognize the legalities of your question and it really should be asked on the Legal SE but I can answer you here. Child support is not yours. It is your child's. Your child is not 18 so cannot legally bind a contract. Therefore the courts are the guardian of the child and look after his rights. No court that I know of ...


3

You know - I'd be a hell of a lot happier if my ex were out of my life too. But she's only in my life BECAUSE we made a couple of awesome kids together. And the kids are already old enough to know that mom can be unreasonable, that mom has her faults, and where mom falls down in the parenting department. They also know all that stuff about me too because I'...


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