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150 votes
Accepted

Should I be concerned about my 1-year-old and her mother moving in with a man I've never met?

I suggest you invite the guy out for a beer to get to know him. Make it clear that you are not jealous, that you wish them well, and that the only thing you care about his how he treats your daughter ...
Kevin's user avatar
  • 6,270
129 votes

Should I try to long-distance parent or will I do more harm than good?

I don't think you can "parent" in the sense of applying discipline and strong guidance. But you can be in his life. My mother had a god-daughter on a different continent. From the time the god-...
Placidia's user avatar
  • 1,239
90 votes

What's an appropriate age to involve kids in life changing decisions?

I have to challenge your entire premise, which may get this post deleted, but I hope you get a chance to read this before it is deleted. In simple terms this is a case of, Majoring in the minors and ...
Adam Heeg's user avatar
  • 3,358
51 votes

What's an appropriate age to involve kids in life changing decisions?

Whatever you and your spouse decide to do, please please do not ask your kids to decide who their primary guardian will be or what their living arrangements will be. I found this approach terrible ...
user61034's user avatar
  • 1,575
36 votes
Accepted

What's an appropriate age to involve kids in life changing decisions?

I will address only one issue: At roughly what age levels is it appropriate for the kids to have what levels of say in their upbringing? At every age, a child should have a voice about their ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
31 votes

What's an appropriate age to involve kids in life changing decisions?

Children should be involved in, and have input on, life changing things - but while they get an opinion that should be considered they do not get a vote; that is why they are children not adults. You ...
Orion Steel's user avatar
26 votes

Should I try to long-distance parent or will I do more harm than good?

I don't have any experience or background here, I'm just a guy with a couple kids, including a 3yr old son. But I would say you should hang in there. You are part of your son and as he grows older ...
Cameron Roberts's user avatar
23 votes

Should I be concerned about my 1-year-old and her mother moving in with a man I've never met?

I don't think there's anything you can do about this. Imagine it was the other way around - would you let her tell you who you can live with? To 1: Just because he's a policeman doesn't mean he's ...
Pascal remembers Monica's user avatar
18 votes

Should I be concerned about my 1-year-old and her mother moving in with a man I've never met?

I agree with those who have advocated communication. That's the only option open to you at this point. Are you being unreasonable? About your daughter living with a stranger, no, I don't think so. ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
16 votes

Should I continue to allow my ex extra visits with his daughter when he is so unhelpful to me?

One rule of thumb (and it's a good one) is don't put your child in the middle of a dispute between your ex and yourself. You are contemplating using an innocent child, someone who asked for none of ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
15 votes

Should I try to long-distance parent or will I do more harm than good?

Your child will only ever have one birth father. That is a fact. That he may develop relationships with other men in his life - step dad, uncles, teachers, coaches - is very likely as life if long and ...
kaptaink's user avatar
  • 196
12 votes

How to explain to my 2-year-old daughter that her biological father now wants to be called "daddy", after previously denying fatherhood?

Call them both daddy. Joe (Or whatever his name is.) is also your daddy. This should be all the explanation your two-year-old needs. She is not likely mature enough to understand the complexity, ...
NonCreature0714's user avatar
12 votes

Shared custody father completely overwhelmed, doesn't accept help, what can I do?

You might have to treat the situation like one should for new parents - while they often get offered babysitting, it can go against their instincts of not letting the baby go. So offering relief from ...
Stephie's user avatar
  • 18.2k
11 votes
Accepted

How do I deal with the father of my child hating my parents?

Plainly and simply, at the present point in time Bob is using your fear of him not being in your daughter's life to control the situation. If Bob cannot keep his personal beef with your parents ...
user25972's user avatar
  • 955
11 votes

How to tell kids about divorce when only one parent still loves the other?

This is so hard, my heart goes out to you. BOTH parents loved each other to have kids. It's a good thing to remember that and to support your partner. That will show your children that even though ...
WRX's user avatar
  • 17.4k
11 votes
Accepted

An Adult Child and a Difficult Ex

The fact that your son will be graduating indicates that he's probably intelligent. I'm sure that he knows about his mother's feelings and past actions. At a graduation party, you are celebrating his ...
Stephie's user avatar
  • 18.2k
11 votes

How do I tell my 9-year-old son that my now ex husband is not his biological dad?

This is a tough situation and a tough question. You have a lot to think about. The question I, in return, pose to you is what do you have to gain by either telling him or not telling him? When you ...
SomeShinyObject's user avatar
10 votes

After divorce: alternating parents in the kids' home or alternating kids in parents' houses?

I think that as a practical matter it would be easier on the kids to stay in the same home, but I think it would be a strain on the parents and not necessarily effective in the long term. Sharing a ...
Joe's user avatar
  • 62.8k
10 votes

How do I explain to my 3-year-old the difference between biological dad and step-dad?

Bio-dad seems to be a control freak intent of damaging the relationship between your son and your partner who is acting as his stepdad. The word "sperm donor" is probably too difficult for your son, ...
gnasher729's user avatar
  • 1,537
10 votes

"Mommy doesn't like daddy" - What to do about my 4-year-old daughter crying for 20 min everytime I pick her up from my ex-wife?

First, congratulations on going through with shared parenting, difficult as it may be at times. I believe (and many agree) that it's good for a child to keep both parents even after a separation. ...
sleske's user avatar
  • 2,768
9 votes

Should the father be in the picture?

It is obviously much better for a child to have two loving parents but as a child to a single Mother of two I can also say that I did just fine without a Father figure. We both did. The fact that he ...
Bugs's user avatar
  • 2,080
9 votes

How to bring my 23-year-old daughter to an adult discussion with me and her mother about issues?

It's not going to be an easy thing to do, but you might want to consider taking the therapist's advice. For some kids, leaving home is a difficult, even impossible process, and that means you are ...
Francine DeGrood Taylor's user avatar
9 votes
Accepted

Should I be concerned about my daughter's behavior (or my wife's)? Trying to co-parent

I do not want to call Child Protective Services (CPS) I think that's maybe a little more drastic than what the situation calls for and I am not trying to make my relationship any worse with the ex. I ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
9 votes
Accepted

Shared custody father completely overwhelmed, doesn't accept help, what can I do?

The most important thing for you to do is to remember your role is to support your brother, not to fix him. The absolute most frustrating thing as a parent (or, as a person!) is to have people trying ...
Joe's user avatar
  • 62.8k
8 votes

How can I get my children to develop a half sibling relationship

Please put yourself in your daughter's position for a moment: You are 11. You are starting to discuss "cool" things with your girlfriends and can't wait to be a bit older. And with a bit of ...
Stephie's user avatar
  • 18.2k
8 votes

What's an appropriate age to involve kids in life changing decisions?

At roughly what age levels is it appropriate for the kids to have what levels of say in their upbringing? Unfortunately, this varies based on the maturity level of the children, but I believe ...
jcmack's user avatar
  • 1,067
7 votes

How do I deal with the father of my child hating my parents?

The only ideas I have would be to go to family counselling with Bob and add in your parents if you can. I do this all the time with families and having a safe environment to discuss differences can ...
WRX's user avatar
  • 17.4k
7 votes

After divorce: alternating parents in the kids' home or alternating kids in parents' houses?

Speaking as a child of divorce, I can tell you: it was inconvenient to keep my belongings in two houses, but it was never alienating. When you and your former spouse split time with the kids, you'll ...
Eikre's user avatar
  • 171
7 votes

Should I be concerned about my 1-year-old and her mother moving in with a man I've never met?

Communication is key. I believe you should talk to your ex-partner and see if/when you could come by for a visit to get to know him. It's the adult thing to do. If you regularly go to pick up your ...
Jan Mayer's user avatar
7 votes

Does separating necessarily cause damage?

Very young children are in some ways more adaptable to changes than older kids who may have complex doubts and fears about the change in family living situation. Soon living and sleeping apart and ...
Meg's user avatar
  • 7,874

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