37

To me, this sounds like much ado about nothing. Your son needs to learn how to socialize and how to make friends; sounds like he's done that already, so that's not your problem. So what is your problem? The fact that some kids aren't coming to a birthday party? Sounds like a good opportunity for a conversation with your son about the real world. ...


26

In this situation, I think you responded in the best possible way. You deferred to your son's choice, since ultimately it was his birthday; his choice of friends. You referenced historical evidence that it would have been a problem for her son due to the activities scheduled. You've also recognized the quality of relationship your son has with his friends, ...


16

If you DO make an issue out of it, what will be the result? Will the other 10 families start to consider everyone else in their priorities and scheduling, or will they apologize and keep right on with what they're doing? It's apparent they feel that having their children participate in soccer is a higher priority than having their children participate in ...


14

Well, the definition of "OK" will vary, but I have never held my daughter's birthday parties at a venue. She wasn't interested in it and I don't like them anyway. Doing something at home gave us the freedom to do her party however we wanted and allowed for great creativity. There aren't any laws, of course. And I've never heard of any "rules" about home ...


14

As you note, first birthday is basically a party for you, not for her, except that she's the reason for the party. I would say that means invite whomever you want. However, you probably should tend towards inviting people who have shown an interest in your daughter. Friends who have not shown an interest in her - at least, acknowledging her when they come ...


13

My brother and I share a birthday, 3 years apart (by coincidence, not by our parents' choice). With all due respect to those saying that neither child gets their "special day," I can attest that sharing a birthday with a sibling, particularly one close in age, does not make either birthday less valuable. Both kids will grow up accepting that their shared ...


12

My birthday is Christmas Eve and it's never been a problem for me! When I was little, my parents made sure that all the Christmas preparations were done by 23rd Dec, so the celebrations could start on 24th Dec and they weren't using Christmas Eve as last minute panic rush buying. They also used to give me a kind of "half birthday" in the summer - no party ...


11

At a slumber party, the number of attendees is usually more restricted than otherwise — there is a bit less space, a longer time commitment for the hosts, and the amount of noise generated by guests seems to increases exponentially instead of arithmetically... especially at 2am. It's possible that the age difference played some part in the decision; perhaps ...


11

Just tell her simply: We have planned to have a small party with my daughter's close friends, and so we did not invite the whole class. Where to take it from there is up to you. If this girl and your daughter truly don't play together, the other mother should be reasonable enough to understand that her daughter is not a close friend. There may also be a ...


10

I would focus on two aspects here: three is a very small party; she probably assumed something like one-per-year and was therefore concluding her son is your son's 11th-favorite friend. Ouch. she didn't know in advance There comes an age where one-per-year hang-at-my-house-cake-and-balloons morphs into a much smaller thing. Often this has to do with car ...


8

I've dealt with this on a personal level with my children. We are a mixed race couple, and on my side of the family (white), family and friends all expected gifts to be opened. On my wife's side of the family (Asian), family and friends did not expect them to be opened. We too fell into agreement with our respective sides. It seems to be driven largely by ...


7

There we agreed to make sure that everybody prioritized class events in order to do our best to get a good class. No, you didn't agree. It is possible that no one spoke out against this suggestion when it was made, but that is probably mostly due to an intense social pressure in the situation. Can you imagine someone in the situation saying: "I don't think ...


7

Invites For pre-K I would advice inviting ALL the kids in his class. My own pre-K boys don't remember all their friends, say the love playing with someone one day, and says they 'never liked him' the next day (and it turns out the kids wanted to use the same toy or similar). In addition, some of his class mates he is indifferent towards, but when I talk ...


6

It depends on how you want your kids to feel about birthdays in the long run. My dad's birthday is November 23, my brother is Dec. 2, sister Dec 18, Parents anniversary Dec 19, Christmas Dec 25, mine Dec 28. My parents made sure that each event was totally separate so that we wouldn't be turned off to the whole experience. I remember a few times where ...


6

There are absolutely no USA laws or regulations about this - and expectations vary. Many people have young child birthday parties at home. I think you're mainly locked in to "the practices of upper middle class whitebread helicopter parents," and for that set it's definitely super common to have the parties at a Chuck-E-Cheese or other venue where the ...


6

you're in charge of allowing or not your kid to play with that present. accept it and say thanks, then at home, talk to your kid about why you don't think it's a good idea for him/her to play with that toy and say you're gonna save it for when he/she is old enough to play with it. end of story :-)


5

A possible option, if you can manage to get it going on such short notice, is having the birthday party as an afterparty to the tournament. I don't know if you can find a place near the tournament grounds that can handle so many kids on such short notice though.


5

I have exactly the same problem here. My 5-year old daughter. Toys are cheaper today. Kids parties in Brazil look like some pretty big events. I let her open all the gifts in the same day. She can't play with them all and most of the time she forgets what toys she has. No kid can deal with that amount of toys. At the same time, I've talked to her that she ...


5

We switched to opening them after the party and sending thank-you notes after our first attended a party around second grade where the host family did it that way. We were especially appreciative, as we were definitely the least wealthy people at the party, and likely had brought the least expensive, least ostentatious gift by an order of magnitude.


5

Proper etiquette depends on a lot of factors - from country to this family's specific expectations. So it's really not easy to answer this part. However, it is safe to just ask your friend. You can explain that you have never been to a first birthday and you are unsure whether gifts are "done" at such an occasion, or can just ask what gift you should bring....


4

My two boy's B-days are 3 days apart and my wife's & daughters's are 1 day apart. I recommend not using the same day. We make a big deal out of a B-day and the kids really enjoy having their own special day just for themselves. I think they wouldn't like to share this. Even one day apart works just fine. As other people said: Concerns for mother & ...


4

All "keeping up with the Joneses" considerations aside, it really depends on your individual children. My daughter would be thrilled with her two friends from church playing princesses, and more than that would overwhelm her. My son could have a superbowl-sized event just for him and still ask for more. Make it a nice event for your child, and don't try ...


4

An obvious solution is to move the date or time of the party to not conflict with an event that is very important to a large portion of invitees (and which they do NOT have the option to reschedule). If you don't want to change the party time, then perhaps you should consider whether it's a priority for your son's party guest list to exactly coincide with ...


4

My own mother deals with her early January birthday by having a "birthday - observed" party much as royalty celebrate their birthday on entirely different days that happen to be convenient. She typically moved it to March. This might not work for a small child where the date has some magic to it. The neighbor child I know did half birthdays in the summer for ...


4

To provide a specific answer to your question: no, there is not an established rule of etiquette for the situation you cite. The goal of etiquette, especially when throwing a party, is to put your guests at ease and allow them to have a good time. In this case, there are a few factors to consider with this specific guest: Your relationship with the family. ...


4

At birthday parties here for children from about 4 to about 14 presents are not opened. The are received with thanks as guests arrive, sometimes with cards being opened, but then the kids want to play, run around, face paint, whatever. Benefits of this include: being able to properly record who gave what - making organising thank you letters much simpler ...


4

I think it depends upon the age of the children. If the birthday child is mature and restrained enough to make appropriate comments when opening gifts that he or she is not enthused with OR when opening duplicate gifts, then it is nice for the kids to participate and feel involved in the gift opening. Additionally, if the children are old enough to have ...


4

I don't have kids, and don't ever plan to. Depending on the activity, I might shudder as I RSVP "no". I would, however, be thrilled to be invited. It's tough for those of us who don't wish to have babies to stay connected to our friends who took the other path. If you'd like us to come... I'd recommend the party with both bar and playground mentioned in ...


4

If you do end up in the situation where one child goes to the party and the other doesn't, I would do two things. First, talk to the older child about her feelings, and help her process them. You now know the reason only one child was invited; you can let her know that, and you can also help her come to terms with the fact that over time her friend-group ...


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