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236

Sit them down for a big, honest conversation. Don't make it about what you want, though. Make it about what they want, and especially ask them, honestly, how they think what they are doing right now is preparing you for your adult life. Ask them how they think you'll be able to handle the adult life when you head out to college with zero prep. Ask them what ...


117

I think it's time to let go of those reins and I honestly think you'll get a very good reaction. I'd even go as far as to say don't restrict her bedtime at all. Granted, rules should be in place like: No friends over after a certain time A quiet time after a certain time so as to not disturb others who may be sleeping Maintain a curfew for her to be home by ...


79

It is not too late at all. Please do try to limit TV, and of course you are tired after working all day. However, this is also your job. Reading, playing, walking to the park -- all of these things are important. Talking about what you are doing -- "I am making dinner. This is a carrot. I am using the sharp knife to cut it." There are many books in your ...


66

OK, this may take some time but it could get you a bit of freedom. Tell your parents that you want to get a job when you turn 16. Use several excuses like, "I want to save up for college," "To get a job in college it will help if I have some experience," "When I'm at college I'll be pretty far away, I'll need some savings to come back home during vacations,...


51

When legally adult children continue to live with their parents, they implicitly accept to live by the rules of the house because they are legally free to choose to move out and live by their own rules. The times you mention seem on the conservative side to me. I'm sure your parents mean well but if you want to change things then I would start by figuring ...


47

I really don't know what to do anymore, I just don't think that I can live like this any longer. First of all, I want to assure you that you most certainly can live like this, even though it might not be easy. While staying in touch with limited (or no) access to social media is more difficult than it once was, it doesn't make having friends impossible. (As ...


44

Children have all kinds of reasons for feeling more comfortable in the presence of their parents at night. I can respect that. But you need your sleep and your time with your wife. One option people rarely mention is putting the kid to bed in their parents' room. After months of struggling with our (2.5 year old) second child, I bought a thick foam rubber ...


41

I was a foster parent for a year. I met parents who were unequivocally abusive. One thing I took from that experience is that the term "abusive" is applied way too frequently to normal parents who at worst are making honest mistakes and at best just have a different parenting style. It dilutes the impact of the word, and in my opinion dishonors truly ...


38

I am you 25 years ago. There was no social media at the time, but I recognized myself in that I was not allowed to be with my friends without supervision, no dating until marriage (I always wondered how I was going to get a husband without boyfriends, but this logic was lost in my family) and having to turn off the lights before 10pm. There were many other ...


36

The main thing is that your daughter is getting sufficient total sleep (not time in bed, but time asleep, and restorative deep sleep, not fitful sleep). Not getting enough sleep has been considered an epidemic in the U.S. by sleep researcher William Dement, and sufficient sleep is particularly important to brains that are growing and learning so much each ...


34

It is important to recognize that even though we, as adults, know that there are no such things as ghosts, to the child they are real. And no amount of logic will convince them otherwise. You have to accept, for a while, that what they think is real, is actually real, and then you can deal with making it not scary. So rather than trying to reverse their ...


33

11 to 9:30 is ten and a half hours, which is plenty of sleep. My kids are up at 6:30, and go to sleep at about 8:30. I think that if you want to adjust her schedule, I would start by waking her up earlier.


25

Your brain tells you when to go to sleep by producing melatonin. Melatonin is what makes you feel tired, and prepares you for sleep. The brain hormone melatonin is produced later at night for teens than it is for kids and adults. This can make it harder for teens to fall asleep early. – TeensHealth How Much Sleep Do I Need? This has been noted by many, ...


24

High school is a much better time to learn "how to go to bed on time" and "how much sleep you need" than your first year of college, university, or work. Therefore I recommend letting the teen work out when they want to go to sleep and get up. They will get this wrong a few times, and go to school groggy and exhausted, or miss a day of school, or not finish ...


22

I'm reading a book right now called "Why we Sleep". (I strongly advise everyone to read it too.) It has a whole section on the sleep changes we go through from infancy to old-age. One thing it very clearly states is that as children move from childhood into their teenage years is that their circadian rhythm SHIFTS. It moves from them "crashing" at 7pm or 8pm ...


20

According to the US. Department of Health & Human Services brochure on sleep positioning for infants: Studies show that, during early infancy, it is unusual for a baby who is placed in the back sleep position to roll onto his or her stomach.20 However, once infants are more developmentally advanced, they often roll over on their own. In this situation,...


19

The key here is Don't Read Books You Don't Enjoy. Peter: [reading a review of a boxing match in a hushed, storytelling way] The champ caught Smith with a savage left hook... Michael: What are you reading her? Peter: [responding to Michael in same tone] It doesn't matter what I read, it's the tone you use. She doesn't understand the words anyway, ...


18

"My rules or get out" is not a good way to teach children to compromise (and we hear that rhetoric so often when being critical of how a country is run, where this is learned I see clearly now..) or negotiate with other adults. You risk casting your children to the wolves, and I've seen friends devoured. In this case, you should be able to calmly sit down ...


18

To be perfectly honest I get a yellow flag here. In my opinion, I think that 7pm is too early... but that's just my opinion. I mean, you're the one that knows your kid, not me. Right? Yeah. But I certainly wouldn't call it abusive. I would however call the teachers expression of 'concern for abuse' a full-on threat. I see that statement as "I don't agree ...


17

I was always a morning riser myself, but my daughter and husband are definitely NOT! What I did was to create a morning routine for her in music. The first song is "here comes the sun" by the Beatles and the next is "I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night." The music itself doesn't always wake her, so I'll go in and give her a kiss on the ...


16

Another explanation could be psychological. Hear me out, it sounds far fetched but makes sense. Yawning is contagious because a group's social ties are strengthened using such mechanisms. This can be seen across many species of pack animals, and humans belong in that category. So when you want your kids to sleep, you are putting yourself in a suitable ...


15

I enjoy reading to my children each night just before bed. It gives them something to look forward to, especially if the book is very interesting to them, and is a soothing way to end the day. It also exposes them to ideas that they might not encounter by choice (I have been going through a lot of the award winning books, such as Newbery and Caldecott, ...


14

While blue may be a calming pigment choice for paint, according to Harvard Health, "blue wavelengths—which are beneficial during daylight hours because they boost attention, reaction times, and mood—seem to be the most disruptive at night." Light of any kind decreases the secretion of melatonin, a hormone that helps you sleep, and light at night ...


14

This is not as dangerous as you think. Make sure your child is sleeping on a relatively firm surface, without squishy bumpers on the sides, and the baby will be fine. But still, when you put your child to sleep, start with the the back. Yes SIDS is a real danger, and there are indeed studies that show the risk increases when the baby sleeps on his stomach. ...


14

This is an interesting article on the topic: http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/05/why-do-some-babies-hate-being-drowsy.html The article has this to say on why some babies hate being drowsy: -The Drowsy State: Babies move in and out of 6 different "states" or moods: crying, irritable, quiet alert, drowsy, active sleep, and quiet sleep. You ...


13

When our son started doing this, we took the following tack: With very rare exceptions, we make sure he takes a nap. Sleep begets sleep, and a skipped nap in the middle of the day just means he'll be more tired, cranky, and (perversely) wound up at the end of the day. Our escalating scenarios for the nap are a walk around the block in the stroller, ...


13

First, you are not withholding comfort. You are allowing them to express themselves in a way which requires them to handle the issue without forming a dependency. Being comforting is not the same thing for every child and every situation. For relatives, they likely have children. That being the case, I'd ask them if any 2 of the children were able to be ...


13

Our daughter is three years old now and has slept in our bed for about two and a half years. Even now, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she continues her night at our bed. And like yours, she likes to lay with her head at here mom's and her feet in my back.. (terrible ;) ) We moved her to her own room and bed about a year ago. Telling her that ...


13

She is not much more than a newborn (that ends at 28 days - or 4 weeks); she's an infant/baby. She has more needs than "habits". In fact, I can't think of a single 'habit' a two month old baby can have. And I'm thinking hard. Maybe she has the gross motor skills to successfully suck her fists now, but it isn't a habit yet. She will develop habits. But not ...


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