Hot answers tagged

234

Sit them down for a big, honest conversation. Don't make it about what you want, though. Make it about what they want, and especially ask them, honestly, how they think what they are doing right now is preparing you for your adult life. Ask them how they think you'll be able to handle the adult life when you head out to college with zero prep. Ask them what ...


116

I think it's time to let go of those reins and I honestly think you'll get a very good reaction. I'd even go as far as to say don't restrict her bedtime at all. Granted, rules should be in place like: No friends over after a certain time A quiet time after a certain time so as to not disturb others who may be sleeping Maintain a curfew for her to be home by ...


79

It is not too late at all. Please do try to limit TV, and of course you are tired after working all day. However, this is also your job. Reading, playing, walking to the park -- all of these things are important. Talking about what you are doing -- "I am making dinner. This is a carrot. I am using the sharp knife to cut it." There are many books in your ...


67

OK, this may take some time but it could get you a bit of freedom. Tell your parents that you want to get a job when you turn 16. Use several excuses like, "I want to save up for college," "To get a job in college it will help if I have some experience," "When I'm at college I'll be pretty far away, I'll need some savings to come back home during vacations,...


47

I really don't know what to do anymore, I just don't think that I can live like this any longer. First of all, I want to assure you that you most certainly can live like this, even though it might not be easy. While staying in touch with limited (or no) access to social media is more difficult than it once was, it doesn't make having friends impossible. (As ...


44

Children have all kinds of reasons for feeling more comfortable in the presence of their parents at night. I can respect that. But you need your sleep and your time with your wife. One option people rarely mention is putting the kid to bed in their parents' room. After months of struggling with our (2.5 year old) second child, I bought a thick foam rubber ...


41

I was a foster parent for a year. I met parents who were unequivocally abusive. One thing I took from that experience is that the term "abusive" is applied way too frequently to normal parents who at worst are making honest mistakes and at best just have a different parenting style. It dilutes the impact of the word, and in my opinion dishonors truly ...


40

I'm going to interpret the question as asking how a parent can manage the bedtimes of siblings of different ages, as I think that's a great question, and answerable (as opposed to asking for an opinion). I have two children, and not only are they of different ages (though closer, a year and a half apart), but the younger one naturally needs more sleep than ...


38

The main thing is that your daughter is getting sufficient total sleep (not time in bed, but time asleep, and restorative deep sleep, not fitful sleep). Not getting enough sleep has been considered an epidemic in the U.S. by sleep researcher William Dement, and sufficient sleep is particularly important to brains that are growing and learning so much each ...


38

I am you 25 years ago. There was no social media at the time, but I recognized myself in that I was not allowed to be with my friends without supervision, no dating until marriage (I always wondered how I was going to get a husband without boyfriends, but this logic was lost in my family) and having to turn off the lights before 10pm. There were many other ...


27

Your brain tells you when to go to sleep by producing melatonin. Melatonin is what makes you feel tired, and prepares you for sleep. The brain hormone melatonin is produced later at night for teens than it is for kids and adults. This can make it harder for teens to fall asleep early. – TeensHealth How Much Sleep Do I Need? This has been noted by many, ...


24

High school is a much better time to learn "how to go to bed on time" and "how much sleep you need" than your first year of college, university, or work. Therefore I recommend letting the teen work out when they want to go to sleep and get up. They will get this wrong a few times, and go to school groggy and exhausted, or miss a day of school, or not finish ...


23

I'm reading a book right now called "Why we Sleep". (I strongly advise everyone to read it too.) It has a whole section on the sleep changes we go through from infancy to old-age. One thing it very clearly states is that as children move from childhood into their teenage years is that their circadian rhythm SHIFTS. It moves from them "crashing" at 7pm or 8pm ...


20

According to the US. Department of Health & Human Services brochure on sleep positioning for infants: Studies show that, during early infancy, it is unusual for a baby who is placed in the back sleep position to roll onto his or her stomach.20 However, once infants are more developmentally advanced, they often roll over on their own. In this situation,...


19

To be perfectly honest I get a yellow flag here. In my opinion, I think that 7pm is too early... but that's just my opinion. I mean, you're the one that knows your kid, not me. Right? Yeah. But I certainly wouldn't call it abusive. I would however call the teachers expression of 'concern for abuse' a full-on threat. I see that statement as "I don't agree ...


15

I enjoy reading to my children each night just before bed. It gives them something to look forward to, especially if the book is very interesting to them, and is a soothing way to end the day. It also exposes them to ideas that they might not encounter by choice (I have been going through a lot of the award winning books, such as Newbery and Caldecott, ...


14

This is not as dangerous as you think. Make sure your child is sleeping on a relatively firm surface, without squishy bumpers on the sides, and the baby will be fine. But still, when you put your child to sleep, start with the the back. Yes SIDS is a real danger, and there are indeed studies that show the risk increases when the baby sleeps on his stomach. ...


14

This is an interesting article on the topic: http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/05/why-do-some-babies-hate-being-drowsy.html The article has this to say on why some babies hate being drowsy: -The Drowsy State: Babies move in and out of 6 different "states" or moods: crying, irritable, quiet alert, drowsy, active sleep, and quiet sleep. You ...


14

She is not much more than a newborn (that ends at 28 days - or 4 weeks); she's an infant/baby. She has more needs than "habits". In fact, I can't think of a single 'habit' a two month old baby can have. And I'm thinking hard. Maybe she has the gross motor skills to successfully suck her fists now, but it isn't a habit yet. She will develop habits. But not ...


13

First, you are not withholding comfort. You are allowing them to express themselves in a way which requires them to handle the issue without forming a dependency. Being comforting is not the same thing for every child and every situation. For relatives, they likely have children. That being the case, I'd ask them if any 2 of the children were able to be ...


13

Our daughter is three years old now and has slept in our bed for about two and a half years. Even now, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she continues her night at our bed. And like yours, she likes to lay with her head at here mom's and her feet in my back.. (terrible ;) ) We moved her to her own room and bed about a year ago. Telling her that ...


13

It sounds like you're an only child, and your parents are very concerned for your welfare. There are negligent parents out there, who don't give a sh*t about their children and think only of themselves. Things could be worse... But your parents sound as if they were brought up in the Victorian era. Maybe that's the way they were brought up. Ask them. Find ...


12

Many people around the world sleep with their children. I am not saying you should, but that children are not as disturbed as you are by sex. They seem to ignore it or sleep through it. The point is to wait until they are asleep, and perhaps don't go out of your way to be noisy. However, the problem you want to solve is to get your child to sleep in his own ...


12

You are too involved. She is not your child, the mother is not your sister, you aren’t an experienced parent yourself - you have no authority or bearing here. It’s excruciating to watch someone parent in a way you do not like, by all means discuss with your girlfriend to see if y’all are in the same page as far as your parenting style, but you cannot change ...


12

In our experience, in addition to the nightime routine, another important factor in good nighttime sleep is the daytime routine. Keep it consistent. At this age keeping it consistent from day to day to within 20 minutes was helpful for us. The last daytime nap should be consistent across days, and not too late in the day so as not to interfere with the night ...


11

Based on my experience as a military kid, my husband's experience as a military dad, and my experience as a foster parent, the biggest factor is how the limited schedule is presented to the kids. For smaller children, like your daughter, they tend to quickly adapt to the new normal, as long as the parents are satisfied with the way things are, and are ...


11

First, I would like to say what a wonderful mother you are! You already have what it takes to be a wonderful mother! I am a mother of 4; all of my children are adults now. I remember worrying about how much is too much of this or that, lol. I miss it. Bless your heart. In my opinion, it is never, ever to late to start reading! It is always better late then ...


11

My suggestion: first thing is to find a crisis support center for teens. If you're fortunate to have one in walking distance, go there. Otherwise, find one by phone. You need to find a supportive voice before your mental state gets any worse. Fixing the home situation comes after that. If your high school guidance counselor is of any use (and I ...


9

Bed wetting, even at 7 years old, is common. About 1 in 40 children at that age wet the bed. Children usually grow out of it. Stop waking her in the night. That doesn't help. Make sure she is drinking plenty in the day time. This will help her train her bladder. She should reduce the amount she drinks in the evenings. Make going to the loo last thing ...


9

We got our kids (7 and 8) an alarm clock and said "You're not allowed to get out of bed until the alarm goes off." For us the issue is a little different. They have no trouble staying in bed on school days, but on Saturday mornings they have been known to wake us up at 5 AM, no matter what time they went to bed. They wind up playing quietly in their room ...


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