59

You can't make anything clear to someone who doesn't respect your opinion. Explanations only matter if the person you're explaining to has kind of the same world view as you do. This is where boundaries come in. Clearly things are not ideal for this girl, and it's natural to want to be helpful, but in this situation, true helpfulness is often more than what ...


27

This is actually pretty common. First, lets get some things out on the table. Your talking to her. That makes you her friend, at least a little. Don't think that because you're older you can't "be friends". There need to be boundaries, obviously. But to someone that age "friend" can be anyone that listens. There are structured groups (Boys and Girls Club, ...


18

What a difficult, painful and important issue. And congratulations on recognizing the long-term effects that the situation might have on your children. Divorce can affect a child's relationship with their parents, and creates stresses which can interfere with their natural development. While divorce per se does not seem to negatively impact children in the ...


16

The term is "disorganized attachment". It's not a good sign. Your child is trying to build a secure spot to make sense of the world. What typically triggers this sort of avoidance of one's own parents is the lack of needs being met. When your child cries, do you respond to them or are you practicing the stoic method of letting them cry it out? Somehow, ...


13

One way to encourage her to be a bit independent is try to engage in some less explicitly fun things together. "Well, right now Daddy needs to _____. Do you want to watch/help?" This might be: Fold some laundry. Do light yard work. Cook a meal. Tinker with the car. Write an email. Change a light bulb. Whatever stuff you do around the house that isn't ...


10

That sounds entirely normal to me. Some part of that is because you had her for the first six months; she has very good memories and feels safe with you. That's a good thing! However, it's normal even without that. My oldest loves his grandma and is regularly talking about how he'd like to go see his grandma (who lives 6-7 hours away) regularly. When she ...


10

I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is, this behaviour probably isn't strictly related to the toxic relationship between you and your wife. For the bad news, re-read the good news. At around 2.5+, your child works out that one way to get a little bit more attention is to make you a little less secure about their affection. Anecdotally, my 2-...


9

Regarding the second point, the idea is that it teaches the child to do things in an appropriate setting. Instead of spitting inside, we go outside into the garden and have a game there. It's about positive reinforcement of what you wanted to say anyway. If our kids start chucking stuff around, we tell them that they can go outside and do that which is fine ...


8

The father should leave a newborn for one year (relocation) - do you think the consequences will be irreversible? IMO there certainly will be consequences (there's evidence that having heard their parents' voice while in the womb has influence on newborns, after all) and, given the fact that you cannot go back and do it differently, they are by definition ...


8

I spent the majority of my time in NICU, when I could not hold my son, holding his little hand in the incubator. (Probably helped me more than him, but who knows?) Soon as the docs will allow it, ask for some kangaroo time. Physical contact is a great bonding facilitator. Sing to them. My son, now 30 months old and out of NICU for QUITE a while, still ...


8

As you describe the situation, I would consider Angela as possibly a traumatized child in a troubled home situation, until you learn otherwise. This is not to say that her guardians have intent to neglect Angela, but according to Angela they're old and sick and perhaps unprepared (as you wisely observe that you are not fully confident) to raise her and deal ...


7

I don't think there have been any specific studies and each situation would be different. The most important thing is that he is spending time with both of you. The next important thing is routine, if you can have some consistency between both the homes it would make it easier on him. Things such as meal times, bed times and favourite toys. Travel time ...


6

I want to offer a quick couple of points for you. Step 1 - tell her everything you wrote in your last paragraph to us. Kids are not dumb and she will most likely understand. Step 2 - don't feel bad when you tell her you cannot spend time with her. I suspect you feel bad or guilty for doing this. Telling her no is perfectly ok and after you explain step ...


6

I'll partially piggy back off the suggestions made in the comments while adding a bit of my own. These things do ebb and flow, it's very likely that your children are just at a stage where they want to spend more time with the father than mother. You can probably look back at the history of interactions with both children and identify other times where this ...


6

I'd say a certain amount depends on how much time the parent spends in the same room as the child, and how much the other parent helps out. The absence of a single mother who cosleeps in a studio apartment would be noticed a lot earlier than a couple in a large house who shares child care responsibilities relatively fairly. My children each have their own ...


6

I am a father and also a co-parent and my boy is two years 3 months old. I take him from the kindergarten Wednesdays and Thursdays, and on those days the caregiver of the kindergarten is putting my son into the mood that "Papa will take you today". On the days that she forgot it, my kid was crying when he saw I was there to take him. Otherwise it was all ...


5

I've seen quite a few articles the last few years like this one that promote the importance of letting your kids have unstructured time, or in other words, to get bored. A lot of our generation worry about quality time so much that they sometimes swing the pendulum too far the other way. A certain balance is important. It's okay for her to be sad about ...


5

There are many ways and I'd say that whatever you do has to feel natural and easy for you. It cannot be faked and must be real. This is one idea I used. I'd look for little things to make an honest compliment about. Things she does -- not her looks or belongings. "I like how you helped take your dish to the sink." This will encourage her to please you. If ...


5

Well at this age separation anxiety is rather high & nothing to be unduly concerned about , regardless of how hard it is to get through. If the care provider allows it, perhaps just videotape what is happening after you leave. My children all were like this at this age, the ones that I worked since 6 weeks old and the one I was home with all the time....


4

This is the most beautiful feeling you will ever feel. All good and normal parents do feel protective. Just know that you have to balance this with your child's needs. It is alright to feel protective, but it will be wrong to keep him locked up. Let him explore in a good way. Know that feeling protective over your child will only add to your and his ...


4

From experience with our first 2-year old: The parent with less time has to simply put in more time to build the relationship with the kid. Gotta differentiate yourself from moms, make yourself fun and interesting in other ways. This is a pure marketing job. Mom has to help by constantly verbally convincing the kid that it's awesome and safe and whatever ...


4

I completely agree with routine, and using the school or daycare as an exchange. Around here, a very common schedule is 2-2-5-5. That is, one parent has Monday and Tuesday, another will have Wednesday and Thursday, and then there are alternating weekends. This makes things much easier for scheduling, and allows the co-parents to do more on the weekend (e.g.,...


4

I don't know the specific lines you're referring to. However, the general approach favored by Dr. Markham is to avoid punishments, in favor of setting limits; and responding with empathy when the limits are broken. For example, how I would interpret the spitting example: I'm sorry, but spitting on the floor/table inside is not allowed, Johnny. It's messy, ...


4

Make it clear that his things are his, and he gets final say on whether or not to share them. Making him feel that he has control of the situation, at least with respect to his own toys, will make him feel more secure and perhaps more inclined to share. However, also make it clear that things that other kids have are theirs, and he has to get permission to ...


3

How do you bring a child into the world without your world being consumed by their needs? Give them a sibling so they have each other! Get them a dog! (Just kidding.) The answer is, you don't. Parenting is a full time job, and the time you put in now will pay you back when she becomes a strong, independent functional societal unit and still loves and ...


3

Both of my two daughters preferred their mother during their first few years. My oldest daughter (now 7) was scared of all men until she was 2, including me and my father. It was very hurtful but it passed. Now she is really, really close to me, much more than with my wife. My youngest daughter (now 3) is just getting from being mommy's girl to being closer ...


3

The lovey is a beautiful thing...but its loss is a necessary evil. Obviously this post is IMHO- so here goes my comment I am 32. My DH is 36. My husband is 'Linus' from Peanuts. While many younger readers won't understand that reference I mean to say that my husband is smart and tall and handsome and well adjusted...except for his 'blankie'. He gets weird ...


3

Being protective like this is completely normal. With my first child, I tried not to let anything happen to him and ran to him for every cry. I wanted nothing but the best for my baby. I now have three boys and my wife is pregnant again. The boys are always hurting themselves by falling down, running into things, fighting with each other. Children, and ...


3

That is a hard situation since you also have your own personal priorities. The child needs psychiatric help, perhaps you can extend a bit more to look for someone who can offer such help? It would make a big difference if you can ask for help for her.


3

* Editing to mention that the previous answer didn't show up for some reason when I came to read the question, but I think we end up saying the same thing essentially. * I have a pretty non traditional view on toddlers and sharing. From my history in developmental studies, toddlers don't share. It's not really a concept they can grasp. Yes they can be ...


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