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112 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

This is a situation in which you cannot change your son's behavior; you need to either adjust your expectations (i.e. change yourself, the only person you really have control over), or let him suffer ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
51 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

I have never posted on this exchange before - but I read this and couldn't help myself. Let me first say I have no background in parenting other than raising my 2 children. I have read no parenting ...
Radmation's user avatar
  • 651
42 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

he says not to piss him off because if I do, be prepared for his rage; he will stop at nothing to bury me. That is a threat, and you should call the police to report it. For your son to respect you,...
aparente001's user avatar
  • 5,057
21 votes

Is yelling often at kids equivalent to abuse?

How would you feel - honestly - if your employer (or anyone in a position of power over you) yelled at you to enforce their will ( regardless of whether you agree or not)? Would you feel respected, ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
18 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

"What can i do?" Well it depends on what responses from him you're willing to put up with. Are you willing to get in a fight over this? Are you willing to have him be mad at you? Are you ...
LCIII's user avatar
  • 1,742
16 votes

Is yelling often at kids equivalent to abuse?

To go beyond your question, remember this, your kids are learning from you too. Not only will they be this way as parents, but it will be their default way to handle conflict and frustration in their ...
Adam Heeg's user avatar
  • 3,358
15 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

And he says not to piss him off because if I do, be prepared for his rage; he will stop at nothing to bury me. This is a serious threat. And he has shown he will not shy away from physical violence: ...
SQB's user avatar
  • 1,511
15 votes

How can I protect my children from a pedophile uncle?

I have personal experience with nearly the same situation: family members who protect and prioritize a criminal rather than children. The difference between yours and my situation is that the creep is ...
Jax's user avatar
  • 5,275
11 votes
Accepted

Should a 6 year old's grandmother be kept away if she is abusive to her father?

TL:DR: Set boundaries. This is not at all uncommon, and because of that, it takes a fair amount of insight to label yelling as abuse, but abuse it is. You're asking if witnessing abuse is bad for ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
10 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

This seems to me analogous to living with an alcoholic: you go along with their behaviour, and eventually you're living in a situation with someone else's 'rules'. "... be prepared for his rage; he ...
ChrisW's user avatar
  • 1,000
10 votes
Accepted

Ideas for a poster helping kids deal with an emotionally abusive environment

If your kids can't read yet, it won't help too much. If your wife isn't on board, I can see some big problems ahead with this approach if she doesn't respect boundaries. (tearing the poster down, for ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
9 votes

helping a child deal with a parent who lies

Just let your children know that they're smart enough to know the truth and what they've done. If they aren't certain, give them a journal and tell them that they can start writing down anything they ...
Dan Clarke's user avatar
  • 1,366
9 votes
Accepted

Where can I find statistics about child abuse offenders?

I don't know any organization that collects and makes available the statistics you're looking for. What follows is an attempt to provide a summary of the statistics I did come across; sprinkled with ...
Pascal remembers Monica's user avatar
8 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

The first thing you need to do, is deal with his rage threat. You need to let him know that it is never acceptable to blow up at you and he cannot live with you if he does. If you aren't comfortable ...
Philip Tinney's user avatar
8 votes

Explaining to children about one parent's silent treatment of the other

I fear your children will learn your wife's method of dealing with strife or rebuff or setback. You might start documenting such incidents for possible future use in legal proceedings concerning ...
Zayde in NY's user avatar
7 votes
Accepted

Explaining to children about one parent's silent treatment of the other

Being emotionally available to your children is probably the best thing you can do for them in such a situation. Make time just for them, and make it about them. Regardless of what your goals for ...
zugzwang's user avatar
  • 1,151
7 votes
Accepted

Why is my eight year old daughter trying to hurt my feelings - and how should I respond?

It is obvious that your wife's abusive behavior has caused your daughter some emotional trauma, and that the crumbling of your marriage is affecting her. There are many challenges to parenting a ...
Francine DeGrood Taylor's user avatar
7 votes

My daughter tells me her teacher slapped her. How should I proceed?

First off, when it involves your children being physically assaulted, always believe them. Children (especially so young) don't tend to have a strong concept of consequences. Because of this, it is ...
Ian MacDonald's user avatar
7 votes

During and after a separation - explaining to children who their "family" is

This answer is geared towards a very specific situation. Answers that focus just on the question above (perhaps more practical advice) are explicitly encouraged as per the OP’s request. ————- I am ...
Stephie's user avatar
  • 18.2k
6 votes

What to do when neighbor calls the cops claiming abuse?

I’ll be ignoring the legal aspects of your question because they are off topic here and would depend on where you live and a lot of other details. But for the parenting aspect: I myself and probably ...
Stephie's user avatar
  • 18.2k
5 votes

Should a 6 year old's grandmother be kept away if she is abusive to her father?

How you react to this stuff is more important than how Grandma acts. Think of it this way, she's not learning from your mum how to act like this to you, she's learning from you how to react when ...
deworde's user avatar
  • 10.3k
5 votes

My children's Mother's new boyfriend is potentially abusing my child

I do not want to return him to his mother's care until she acknowledges that what has happened isn't appropriate or acceptable and guarantees that it will not happen again. Legally, you probably do ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
5 votes

What do I do about my abusive father?

Call Social Services. Tell them what you told us and they will start an investigation. Despite how they are portrayed on TV, they don't often remove children from a home without first trying to work ...
Bronco's user avatar
  • 329
5 votes

How can I protect my children from a pedophile uncle?

Apart from the other responses, I would like to answer a specific part: You say that you talk about bounderies and that they laugh it off or downplay it. In my experience (in another subject, but I ...
Martijn's user avatar
  • 1,268
5 votes

How do I a 14 year old deal with my mom?

Please tell us what country (and state if appropriate) that you live in. Different countries and states have different systems and rules. Many countries have helplines for people in your situation (e....
Paul Johnson's user avatar
  • 10.4k
5 votes
Accepted

I perceive teacher's "head patting" and "ear rubbing" as inapriopraite

The first thing to do is to see if the school your child is attending have any guidance available. A google search for "Guidance for teachers on physical contact with Children UK" returned a ...
Jontia's user avatar
  • 166
5 votes

What are the effects of CSA on infants and newborns?

I do not have anything regarding specifically sexual abuse, but regarding neglect, which can be considered a form of abuse. But only regarding mental impact (not physical). In the book "Brain ...
Kjara's user avatar
  • 547
4 votes

My 21-year-old adult son hates me

For the short term, I'd simply put all agreements in writing, which contain three items each per agreement: It is "measurable/quantitative" ... e.g. empty all the trash bins (kitchen, bathroom, and ...
George 2.0's user avatar
4 votes

What do I do about my abusive father?

I really feel sorry for your situation, at 16 you should be being a kid, hanging out with your friends and not have anything more than maybe a bit of acne and school to worry about. Unfortunately ...
James Snell's user avatar
  • 5,120

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