Questions tagged [pre-teen]

Age specific questions from about 11 years to about 13 years. Also known as "tweens". Younger: middle-childhood. Older: teen.

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119
votes
12answers
26k views

What to do with my pre-teen daughter who has been out of control since a severe accident?

Last December we were victims of a vehicle accident that killed my husband and left my son severely brain damaged. My daughter who is 12 and will be 13 in couple months was the only one in our vehicle ...
56
votes
11answers
74k views

12 year old boy is totally out of control

My seventh grader screamed "Fuck you" at me last night. I am at the end of my rope. His behavior is so bad I feel like I need to send him away to a boarding school or something because he is causing ...
53
votes
9answers
15k views

Neighbor's child is trying to spend all her time with us

Background My wife and I recently moved into a town-house apartment in a large complex. We have a Husky pup that my wife walks twice a day (she's a stay-at-home) and the dog attracts lots of ...
50
votes
14answers
8k views

How can I help my child who is advanced in programming to meet others at the same skill level?

My child just turned 14 years old, and one of his hobbies is programming. He knows JavaScript, HTML, CSS, jQuery, Ruby, Python, some Java, and a bit of C++, Bash, and PHP. He also uses Git, Vim, and ...
49
votes
25answers
65k views

Why does my daughter smile and start to laugh at me when I am noticeably really angry at her?

My daughter is 11 years old and has been diagnosed with high functioning austism along with sensory processing disorder. I am a single father and have raised her alone since she was two years old. We ...
44
votes
5answers
15k views

An incident happened at school and child didn't (want to) tell the parent

I'm asking for a friend of mine, who's the parent. Her child is 12 years old. Yesterday, at school, the child's classmate was horribly beaten up by a teacher. And I mean horrible. It ended with the ...
43
votes
6answers
7k views

The school has assigned reading I feel is inappropriate for my son to read. How do I approach this problem with the school and with my son?

The school has assigned The Hunger Games as a literature reading assignment for my 11 year old. I read the books and enjoyed the ride, but feel the brutality is too much for this age group, in this ...
39
votes
20answers
5k views

How can I help a child stay motivated in learning to program?

How could I help a smart preteen child (pre-teen) learn programming? He does well in school, and he has skipped 2 grades and is an introverted stereotypical nerd. He is very interested in web ...
33
votes
9answers
18k views

Should I tell my 10-year old son, how screwed-up Cinderella is?

My 10-year old boy recently told me that he likes the Cinderella fairy tale. Some fairy tales including this one, have several layers of meaning and sometimes they guide people's life decisions. Let'...
29
votes
11answers
19k views

What's an appropriate age for a Swiss Army Knife?

My 11-year-old son watched a documentary on the Swiss Army Knife and is enamored with getting one for Christmas. We are in the UK regulatory sphere. He proposes to use the knife on camping ...
25
votes
14answers
20k views

Do parents of teens need to lock their liquor cabinet?

I had this debate with some friends who have older children. We keep our liquor in the cupboard above the fridge. When they get a bit older (still just 8 and 10) and could potentially be tempted ...
25
votes
9answers
15k views

What can I do to encourage my 12 year old son to enjoy productive activities?

I have a 12 year old son who if completely left up to his own devices, will spend almost all of his free time doing one of two things, playing casual computer games, and watching TV. I would like to ...
23
votes
11answers
40k views

How to handle an 11 year-old son who acts like a girl?

I have an 11 year-old son who is showing a tendency towards becoming gay. People have seen him walking like a girl, but I haven't. I'm thinking that they are just judgmental. On his computer games ...
22
votes
4answers
8k views

How do you respond when a child catches his parents having sex?

I ask this Question on behalf of my neighbor. Their 12 year old son saw his parents having sex. As there is only one room in their home we can't say its the parents' mistake... but now the question ...
22
votes
12answers
2k views

Email and social media for pre-teens

My daughter is 11 and I discovered that she had a Facebook account and a personal email account. These were two things my wife and I had told her she wasn't allowed to have. I felt she was still too ...
20
votes
12answers
4k views

What if my kids don't want me to speak my native language?

My children are raised multilingual; we live in Austria and they learn all their German from my wife and from the world around us. I'm Danish and I want my kids to know that language too, so since ...
17
votes
9answers
32k views

How to deal with my 12 year old's rebellious behavior?

My son just turned 12 a few months ago, and boy is he a handful! He does not obey anything I say, curses at me, calls me names, throws tantrums, and hesitates to go to school every single day. I ...
16
votes
4answers
16k views

How to motivate my extremely lazy 12-year-old?

My 12-year-old son is a good kid, but he is extremely unmotivated to do literally anything unless I or his mother are constantly riding him the whole time. As a young child, he was "easy" to raise ...
16
votes
4answers
3k views

Some strategies for maintaining adult relationships separately from children?

Some background. I have always been extremely careful about taking precautions to prevent my children from ever walking in on me when engaging in sexual activity. I've had a relationship with my next ...
15
votes
2answers
3k views

How to go about regaining the trust of my child?

After divorce, the mother got custody of our now 12-year-old daughter. The mother has committed at least 9 (provable) acts of transgressions indicating active application of parental alienation, ...
15
votes
2answers
323 views

Respectful parenting and discipline

Been reading a bit about Respectful Parenting and mutual respect as a parenting style and it appeals to us. We have four kids so keeping track of reward charts and various other trackers is complex ...
14
votes
4answers
4k views

How young is too young to start wearing makeup?

A couple of us in the office today were talking about young girls and makeup. One mentioned that his daughter is thirteen and already wearing makeup, another mentioned her niece wears makeup as well ...
14
votes
4answers
10k views

What consequences are appropriate for pre-teens?

There comes a time when time-outs don't cut it anymore. Normally, when my kids exercise poor judgement, I let them experience natural consequences. However, sometimes their actions go against what we ...
14
votes
3answers
3k views

How to figure out which of my children is lying to me? [duplicate]

I'm looking for advice on how to determine which of my children is lying. I have 4 kids, 12, 12, 8, 6. About once a week, something bad will happen, (this last incident, somebody poured a bowl of ...
13
votes
4answers
7k views

My 12 year old has been blowing off homework, and now is writing on his clothes! Is this normal?

My 12 year old has been blowing off homework, and now is writing on his clothes! He plays hockey, which he loves. I stopped letting him play for his teams when his report card came back with bad ...
13
votes
3answers
5k views

What are appropriate boundaries between siblings?

I have three children, my younger two are a 13 year old boy and a 12 year old girl. They are both maturing and going through puberty. Gone are the days of my little son doing little naked dances, ...
12
votes
4answers
974 views

How do you control the quantity of sweets and junk food a pre-teen eats?

For a pre-adolescent child, what strategies can I use to control the quantity of sweets and junk food that make it into his diet?
12
votes
3answers
2k views

How much of my prior drug use should I disclose to my tween daughter?

My daughter started middle school this year (she is 11) and tonight at dinner she told me that during an assembly some teachers had shared tragic stories about friends and family members who abused ...
12
votes
7answers
11k views

How do I deal with my 12-year-old who is smoking?

My 12-year-old is smoking. He has been living with his father, who turns a blind eye, for just over 3 years. He will be returning to live with me shortly. He was encouraged by his father to go and ...
11
votes
4answers
100k views

How can I deal with my 12-year old son's rebellious behaviour?

My son is a very loving child and fun to be with usually....ever since he turned 12 he is suddenly the resident expert in the house on anything from how to drive a car to how become president. You ...
11
votes
3answers
846 views

What to do after my nephew showed a graphic video to my 9-year-old son?

My 12-year-old nephew "Bob" took my 9-year-old son aside and showed him a video of ISIS beheading a victim. I am just flabbergasted that Bob would do that. Interestingly Bob did not show the video to ...
11
votes
3answers
52k views

Encopresis, I'm at my wits end? Does anybody have suggestions?

My 12 year old daughter has been dealing with retentive encopresis since age 6. She avoids going to the toilet at all. This results in soiling and the production of an amazing huge toilet-clogging log-...
11
votes
4answers
4k views

Building self-esteem while encouraging a tidy, acceptable appearance

My daughter is currently 10. I have always tried to encourage her to not be overly concerned with other people's opinion of her, and I think that this has largely succeeded. Like any kid, she gets ...
11
votes
3answers
656 views

Bedtime vs amount of sleep?

I am a single dad who has custody of my 11 year old daughter during the school year. During the summer, however, she stays with her mother in another town. I have become concerned about the lack of ...
10
votes
8answers
4k views

How do I convince my eleven-year-old to practice her dancing?

My eleven-year-old daughter who has been in dance classes since she was four. She loves ballet, and she loves to perform. However, she does not care for the stretching and practicing that are part ...
10
votes
3answers
825 views

How can I help my children who just found out my wife left us?

My wife and I have been married for coming up close to 14 years now. We have 3 children, aged 12, 9 and 5. Recently, she started seeing another man and called it quits on me and the kids. She moved ...
10
votes
3answers
4k views

8 year old punishes himself for bad behaviour

My 8 year old step-son is still rather sensitive for his age, and sometimes takes being disciplined very hard. When he genuinely feels bad about something he's done wrong and we tell him off, he will ...
10
votes
4answers
2k views

What house rules are appropriate for pre-teens?

As my kids grow, they need different limits. Right now, the house rules are reactionary as a result of something we didn't like happening. Things like, "call home if you are going to be somewhere ...
10
votes
3answers
893 views

I can't motivate my 13 year old twins to get school work turned in

We have tried grounding them, taking all their privledges away, we have tried reward systems and nothing works. They have started lying about getting the work done and turned in when they know we ...
10
votes
3answers
1k views

How can I assuage my pre-teen's fear of flying

My parents are moving to Florida soon and have asked for my help moving their car. I thought it would be nice to take my pre-teen daughter (almost 12 yo) with me on the ride down for a short visit. ...
9
votes
5answers
4k views

Is it reasonable to put limits on a pre-teen playing video games?

Posted on behalf of a friend of mine: What are appropriate rules for how much time kids actually get to play video games (such as x-box 360, PlayStation 3, or on the PC)? Apparently we are the ONLY ...
9
votes
6answers
4k views

My 13-year-old daughter is talking to a 20-year old girl on the internet. Is this normal?

She’s not very open so I have no idea whether their conversations are age-appropriate. She is a really intelligent and responsible kid, and she's definitely smart enough not to give out any personal ...
9
votes
6answers
2k views

How to get my sister to use correct spelling while typing on computer?

I am sure that I am treading on eggshells here as this is a matter of opinion, but please do read on. I absolutely resent when people use incorrect spelling for 90% of their words, on purpose. My ...
9
votes
2answers
803 views

How can I discipline an angry 12-year-old without her hating me for it?

My 12-year-old daughter till recently had a good, friendly relationship with us (her parents) and was always happy to discuss anything that happens at school/activity classes and what's going on with ...
9
votes
3answers
631 views

How to kick a twelve year old's shopping “addiction”?

My family has never had much money, so I'm quite concerned about my sister's shopping habits. I assumed it was quite average behavior for a young girl to plead for money for the school book fair, the ...
9
votes
2answers
2k views

What to do when a 12-year-old boy has defeated behavior management program (Kazdin method)?

I am in a six year relationship with a woman who has two kids, a 15-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy. We have moved a lot. The child's father has been incarcerated for most of the child's life. ...
9
votes
3answers
2k views

Should I allow my child to participate in dangerous sports?

When should a child be allowed to take part in "dangerous" sports or activities? I'm thinking of letting my son try motocross when he's "old enough" - but when is that, when is a child old enough to ...
9
votes
3answers
1k views

How to react to an eleven-year-old sneaking out at night to look at the stars?

During the holidays, two kids from two families that we are friends with snuck out at night to look at the stars. The mother of one twelve year old boy reacted with an outburst of anger and severely ...
9
votes
2answers
2k views

How to deal with my 12-year-old son's calling me lazy and ordering me around?

My 12-year-old son believes that I don't do anything for him - I do everything I possibly can and yes, there are things I forget to do (as I'm only human). He is sly and causes arguments between his ...
9
votes
4answers
1k views

How to address a child having a racist friend?

I have a son who is 10. He plays online games with a small group of other kids of very similar ages. I know who they are, and I know the parents, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that we are ...