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Questions tagged [adult-child]

Age specific questions from about 17 years and up. Younger: teen.

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1 answer
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My adult daughter is a heavy smoker because of me, is there anything I can do?

My daughter started smoking pretty early, stealing cigarettes from me. Throughout her teens I allowed her to smoke and even provided cigarettes to her. I thought that fighting her habit would be both ...
iwasntagreatparentwasi's user avatar
1 vote
2 answers
173 views

Progressing from learning by writing things down and reviewing to just doing

A child, in school, remembers things by writing them down and going over them. An adult, just remembers things (even, ad they are said to them, in conversation). So, my question is, (as, adults, are ...
Joselin Jocklingson's user avatar
0 votes
2 answers
563 views

Will my behavior towards my son affect his future married life?

My son (M20) is still studying in college and scores well in his subjects. I noticed he started befriending girls his age and driving with them on bikes, so I confronted him about this matter. He ...
K Caitlyn's user avatar
4 votes
1 answer
479 views

I am planning to ask for divorce. Should I inform my BPD wife's friends so they are prepared to support her?

My wife and I have been married over 20 years. We have two autistic young adult children, and she has borderline personality disorder. Due to BPD, my wife has abused the children emotionally in many ...
boisvert's user avatar
  • 350
6 votes
1 answer
550 views

Son’s friends circle has gone to zero

Our son is 23 and still living at home. He is planning to leave the house next year and rent an apartment. He used to have a lot a friends and girlfriends too, but since the COVID epidemic in 2021 he ...
Sasha Intveld's user avatar
41 votes
8 answers
12k views

How can we motivate a young adult without breaking the family?

Background One of my children is in her early 20's and deeply stuck. She has finished high school during the first COVID-19 lockdown, has then had a short stint at living alone and studying (aborted ...
AnoE's user avatar
  • 2,800
1 vote
2 answers
838 views

How do I tap into my 18 year old daughter?

My abusive and controlling partner of twenty years, locked my out of our jointly owned home. I have since had to fund alternative accommodation from my savings, he hasn’t let me have any contents, I’m ...
USA babe's user avatar
2 votes
2 answers
546 views

How to encourage an adult child who reacts negatively to encouragement yet still fails without it?

I (28, male) am asking this question on my parents' behalf. My sibling, who I'll call Jay (24, nonbinary they/them) is currently in their 7th year of what should have been a 4-year BS college degree ...
Concerned_Sibling_28M's user avatar
3 votes
2 answers
362 views

Selling a house post-divorce

I am 22 years old, an only child, and haven't lived with my parents (save for the summer months) since I started college in 2017. I am graduated as of 2020 and I have a stable and well paying job in a ...
Anon for now's user avatar
6 votes
2 answers
832 views

Is my mom overly controlling?

I just wanted some help. I’m 18. Lately I have been really confused if my mother is overtly controlling or I’m just a frustrated teen or it is dysfunctional household. I really don’t know where to ...
Sarah's user avatar
  • 61
1 vote
1 answer
1k views

17 year old son decided he is a girl but previous to coming out has never shown signs of feminine behavior [closed]

My now 18 year old son came out as transgender six months ago. He has never been girly. He is a stinky teenage boy, who does not clean his room, has to be forced to bathe and his voice and manner of ...
user avatar
1 vote
1 answer
271 views

What's a good approach to a kid who behaves rudely in home

I'm not a parent myself but it is regarding my younger sibling and I don't know where to go with this situation. My younger brother is 20 years old and in his final year of college, currently ...
user40634's user avatar
7 votes
2 answers
760 views

How to teach my 22 year old stepson to communicate instead of burning inside?

I became stepdad to an adult boy (22) (I am not the biological dad). He didn't have anyone to teach him or a father-like figure since his dad passed away when he was 7. He never went to college or ...
localhost's user avatar
  • 2,043
4 votes
2 answers
526 views

Looking for options to deal with 18-yo who refuses to grow up [closed]

My stepdaughter has recently turned 18. She has severe behavioral problems: she urinates in her bedroom, often in her clothes; she starts fires with a lighter; and she refuses to do anything other ...
Isabella Leonarda's user avatar
4 votes
2 answers
426 views

As a parent, what do I need to do when my adult child leaves home?

My firstborn will leave home soon and is off to study at a university a few hours away from home. Being a first, this is quite a new situation for me. What we (mostly she herself) have done so far is: ...
AnoE's user avatar
  • 2,800
11 votes
9 answers
10k views

How to deal with parents that enforce a curfew on an adult

So my parents, especially my mother, feel the need to control many aspects of my life because "I'm not responsible", which is at least partially true. Completely ignoring the fact that I'm never going ...
Mage in the Barrel's user avatar
4 votes
2 answers
1k views

How to make my 15-year-old daughter want to meet her 39-year-old sister?

Background 39 years ago, a good friend and I had sex and she got pregnant just before I went into the Navy. After three months, I came back from boot camp. I found out she also had slept with my best ...
Scott Reuthinger's user avatar
2 votes
3 answers
943 views

How to help a 20-year old with interest but lack of motivation for school?

(This is actually my problem, but I ask it from the perspective of my parents.) I'm a 20-year old in second year of undergraduation in Computer Science (I wasted the first year though due to alcohol ...
CcVHKakalLLOOPPOkKkkKk's user avatar
1 vote
3 answers
1k views

How to deal with teen self-destructive behavior and complete lack of sense of responsibility?

A 18-year-old who is in the final year of high school is exhibiting certain patterns of behavior that seem very troubling. He is currently doing well in school, but I'm afraid that these patterns of ...
user avatar
4 votes
4 answers
580 views

How do I stop my son from drinking any soft or sugary drink?

My son is 25 and studying for a PhD. He has at least 13 cavities that all require fillings. Every dentist and dental hygienist has warned him to stop drinking ANY soft and sugary drinks. But he ...
user avatar
2 votes
4 answers
6k views

How do I help my college age daughter who has gained too much weight at college?

My daughter is now a sophomore in college and I am very concerned about her weight. Prior to starting college, she had always been a healthy weight and athletic and loved playing sports. By the end ...
Shae's user avatar
  • 29
2 votes
4 answers
2k views

My son's girlfriend has been cheating with my best friend's son. Should I get involved?

Fake names, so it's easier to understand: My son: Bob My son's girlfriend: Alice My best friend's son: Chester They're all 18 and 19. Bob and Chester aren't friends. My best friend told me about the ...
Stacie Higgins's user avatar
5 votes
3 answers
1k views

Daughter is deciding to have a child with near-total stranger

I have a daughter who has made many, many bad choices in her life. At 26, she has already been in several failed relationships, got addicted to heroin, recovered (6 years now), moved in with a guy ...
Distraught Mother's user avatar
11 votes
4 answers
5k views

I'm tired of living a double life with my parents. How can I set boundaries with them?

I am very stressed and tired. I feel this weight on my shoulder, and recently because of several factors have built moderate fibromyalgia and am anxious, with weekly crying spells. One of those ...
sparksatnight's user avatar
-1 votes
4 answers
1k views

How can I help my parents to not waste their lives?

I am posting this here because I feel like it's time to become a "parent" for my parents... I'm 26, my parents are 50 years old. A few months ago when I visited them, it hit me, that they have "empty"...
Szymon's user avatar
  • 11
6 votes
4 answers
2k views

How can I talk with my parents about the amount of chores they expect me to do?

Background My boyfriend of almost 5 years and I are living with my parents until we've found a house. We are both 25. I recently dropped out of university, but found a good job in my field. We both ...
Belle's user avatar
  • 287
6 votes
1 answer
2k views

How to bring my 23-year-old daughter to an adult discussion with me and her mother about issues?

Summary I was witness to a banal argument between my 23-year-old daughter and her mum which has lead to a three month impasse, whereby my daughter has installed herself in my small apartment with the ...
user32223's user avatar
5 votes
3 answers
758 views

How do I get my parents to let me vacation by myself?

I'm planning to take a vacation next month. Since I started planning for it, my parents have continually expressed doubt and concern and generally interfered in the plans. They want to know where and ...
Bytewave's user avatar
66 votes
24 answers
29k views

Should I buy my college child a vehicle when I can afford to or make him earn it on his own?

I never got things handed to me growing up. I know what it means to have something. To earn something. I also want the best for my child. I want to provide a better life than what I had. What's a ...
two black lines in the middle's user avatar
1 vote
2 answers
615 views

How to confront a young adult about his lack of motivation

Someone I know has an adult son (20 years old) with almost no motivation. Earlier this year he dropped out of his university far from home and moved back home into his parents house and enrolled at ...
bendl's user avatar
  • 119
3 votes
2 answers
922 views

How can I help my mother realize her harmful behavior towards my brother?

My 20-year-old brother has some bahavioral problems which cause significant stress to me and my parents. He is short tempered and can not take suggestions even when politely expressed. He turns ...
psuedo's user avatar
  • 33
29 votes
14 answers
42k views

How can we manage our adult son taking back an item we confiscated, without our knowledge, when he has moved out?

My husband and I helped our son pay for an iPod Touch three years ago, paying $100. He paid the other half. About a year ago, our young daughter found images of nude girls in the screenshot gallery on ...
user avatar
12 votes
3 answers
11k views

How to help parents cope with me moving out

Let me preface by saying I'm not entirely sure if I'm asking this in the right place and I'm very emotional right now, I apologize if my post is in disarray or if this question is not within scope of ...
Tracy Nguyen's user avatar
3 votes
2 answers
1k views

Am I really just taking advantage or is my mom abusive?

I am a 34-year-old single mother of 4. My children are 14 years old, 13 years old, 5 years old, and 9 months old. Just to give a little background, in March of 2016 my brother died suddenly on my ...
Krystal LaForce's user avatar
6 votes
4 answers
2k views

Good Mom or enabler?

I have 3 grown children. The middle child is 28 yo and left home for the "big city" about 5 years ago. My husband and I have watched her go from a happy, funny, creative young woman to an increasingly ...
Marian Lytle's user avatar
2 votes
2 answers
646 views

What to do with my spoil (GROWN) children

When my children (2 boys 2 years apart) were born, I was working and the children were left in the care of their father. He is not the best role model; his constant drinking and gambling has been a ...
Donna Delour's user avatar
3 votes
3 answers
931 views

Setting boundaries with parents regarding topics of conversation

My mom is very upset with me about how little money I make at my job. She's mad because I recently finished school and have a large student loan to pay off. I've asked her not to talk about these ...
treesandleaves's user avatar
6 votes
1 answer
2k views

What to do with an adult child with a mental illness and drug taking

Family history We have a strong family history of suicide, mental illness and drug addiction. My brother had died (the coroner stated suicide) two years after my husband died. He was a crystal meth ...
WorriedParent's user avatar
2 votes
2 answers
8k views

What is the role of parents in conflicts between adult siblings?

Trying to keep this short, the main question is really in the title.. Background My sister and I have a conflict which began about eight months ago, and I am currently not talking to her. We're both ...
user avatar
1 vote
4 answers
39k views

My dad still yells at me as an adult and I don't know how to react because he's my dad [closed]

My dad has always been a "mad person". Recently I was talking with my mom and she said a large reason she divorced with him was because he was always mad. Now, the following is a onetime example but ...
treesandleaves's user avatar
4 votes
2 answers
624 views

Divorced parents care less about me

I'm 23 and my parents divorced about a year ago and since then, they both make me feel like I'm less important/no longer needed. I live with my mom, she is lovely but only when the house is clean. I ...
Zyraf's user avatar
  • 41
1 vote
2 answers
656 views

Trouble with parent who pushes the envelope in every argument

I Live with my father during the summer, and I do my best to make sure that I leave the smallest footprint possible. Doing my own laundry, dishes, food, etc. I think I do a good job. My father and I ...
tuskiomi's user avatar
  • 124
5 votes
6 answers
2k views

My parents got divorced and want financial information from me

I live on my own and am relatively financially stable. A few years ago my parents got divorced. Things didn't go smoothly between them and they went to court a number of times. I never fully ...
treesandleaves's user avatar
1 vote
1 answer
323 views

How to fix/better a relationship with a parent?

Sorry if this is off topic, it seemed like the most appropriate place I could find. For reference, I am a 22 y/o male who just graduated university in May. My life revolves around technology (primary ...
user28776's user avatar
20 votes
7 answers
6k views

Mom Reading My Texts and Emails

I was in a hotel room with my mom, me on my phone and her on my iPad. My iPad is linked to my phone, so it receives and stores all my text messages. I happened to glance over at her and saw she was ...
user avatar
2 votes
1 answer
716 views

Caught mum in my room reading one of my letters

Searched the forum and couldn't find anything similar. I'm 25 and had a letter on my bed that I was reading from the morning. Mum has come in to talk to me, then I go to the toilet. When I come out ...
Matt Maclennan's user avatar
38 votes
5 answers
30k views

I don't want to be an involved grandparent. How do I let my son know?

I know I'm in a small minority when I say I'm NOT excited to be a grandparent. I've never really liked children, and used to be determined against having any of my own. But mainly because my husband ...
spaghettimonster's user avatar
9 votes
2 answers
6k views

How to stop my mom and dad from interfering while I drive?

I am 24 and I have had a driver's license since I was 18. My mom and dad bought me a car after I got my license, but I rarely drove it because I went to another town to continue my studies and didn't ...
user27690's user avatar
36 votes
8 answers
16k views

I don't like my mom and she is coming to stay with me, how to prevent it or handle in the best way?

My mother used to taunt me for not being a good student and my stutter, maybe that was her way of taking our her frustration, in my senior secondary school she took it so far that I had to think about ...
user avatar
4 votes
2 answers
649 views

How to deal with sibling/child who doesn't contribute and is stressing out their parents whom they live with?

Context/Story I have a sibling who's stressed/saddened their parents whom they live with, with their lifestyle. Communication is poor to nigh non-existant between parties involved. (1 parent felt ...
user1821961's user avatar