Being a working person I may not be always near my kid.
Also, it is a possibility that he may not tell me that he has been undergoing bullying somewhere because of fear or some other reasons.

  • How would I get signals about him being bullied somewhere?
  • How do I teach him to tell me if he's being bullied and by whom? Before that how do I teach him what is bullying?
  • What is an appropriate age to talk about the same with the child?

Kid isn't born yet.

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    "Kid isn't born yet" -- don't worry about potential problems of the future. We'd be happy to help with actual situations, but at this time you're just speculating so you wouldn't have a good measure about what makes an answer most useful to you. Commented May 31, 2013 at 7:52
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    @TorbenGundtofte-Bruun We'd be happy to help with actual situations, That's not possible. I won't be able to ask this question when the actual situation arises because at that time I won't know that the situation has arisen! It is a big possibility that at that time I'll be looking for the symptoms for x when the disease is y. Who knows, I may not be present even here to ask the question at that time. Please downvote the question if you find it not appropriate. Commented May 31, 2013 at 8:06

3 Answers 3


At first you need to know which kind of bully your kid may suffer:

  • Ability: Some kids get bullied because they're outstanding in some area, or just by being different from the average.

  • Faction: Some just get involved in some unneeded dispute somehow, whether out of initiative or negatively.

  • Personality: Another reason is an uninviting personality.

So, you have to classify first. It can't be too difficult as his parent, and here are hints you can give to launch the conversation.

  • ask your kid if he is proud of his specialities, and what his classmate think about it.
  • who is his best friend, and what he admires most about that person.
  • tell him the most embarrassing thing you have done in class, and find a good situation to ask his.
  • ask who he thinks is a kind person and why. Teach him that one should give others a dose of their own medicine, i.e. know to be a great but self-discipline person.

  • you don't have to teach him to tell you something; just let him know how to be a good person and to be confident in his own values.

A bully is not scaring at all but disastrous point is its destruction of one's confidence.


When I was growing up there were times when I was troubled but I didn't tell my parents because I wanted to deal with it on my own, and I didn't want to worry them. I was also concerned that if I told them I would lose some of my freedom.

So how do you know? You don't. One of the things you have to accept about being a parent is that you cannot control everything, and you cannot fix everything for your child. Your child won't always want to tell you everything, they are people after all and have their own sense of privacy. If you try to control and fix everything they're likely to resent you, or they won't learn to fix their own problems. This isn't always easy to accept, in fact it's one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. I knew it conceptually before my kids were born, it's putting it into practice that is the tricky part.

What you have to do as a parent is to form good lines of communication with your kids, give them the skills to deal with situations, and building experiences that will make them confident in themselves. Then bullies won't matter, they'll deal with it on their own.

  • Your child won't always want to tell you everything, I was somehow thinking that if we teach our baby to tell us about his daily routine daily and will not try to scold or frighten him for telling the truth, he won't hide anything. Doesn't this work in actual life? My parents "never" asked me anything about my daily life outside house (except studies) therefore I never told them anything. Commented May 31, 2013 at 8:51
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    It's not likely to work, no. Building good communications doesn't mean that the child is going to tell you everything, in fact the older they get the less they will tell. It's about making the child comfortable to tell you if they want to. You can't make them want to.
    – GdD
    Commented May 31, 2013 at 9:00

StopBullying.gov lists the following warning signs, although they caution not every child exhibits symptoms:

  • Unexplainable injuries
  • Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
  • Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
  • Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
  • Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
  • Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
  • Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
  • Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
  • Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

Of course, a lot of those symptoms have other causes than bullying. It's helpful to cultivate an open and honest relationship, starting well before you need it. Kids will keep things like this from you if they are afraid you will overreact.


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