Last year I was almost killed by a freak heart condition (that I now know is a genetic issue and I won't ever be out of the woods) and while we kept my daughters away while I was in ICU and having bad days, they definitely got a real sense of danger. They both know it was almost a disastrous outcome and I think it is affecting my eldest now.
She is 6 and a good student in year 1. She is not an overly confident kid, but she has friends and tries very hard to do well. She hates getting in trouble and seems to enjoy learning.
Every morning at school drop off (which I do ~3 days per week, work depending) there are issues. Some days terrible (lots of tears, teacher coming to get her) and other days are 'ok' (she goes of her own accord, but has to be told to go.) We never have incident free days.
Every morning she has something to worry about and if she doesn't, then she seems to try and think of something to worry about. This morning it was a sore finger, but she didn't think of it right away, there were a few seconds of silence before she blurted 'but my sore finger!'
We have kisses and cuddles and I then have to coerce her into leaving me and joining her line (she has small assemblies every morning with each class sitting on a line.)
Some mornings she is properly crying and that makes things so much worse because she gets totally paranoid that everybody is watching her cry, so it just snowballs.
I fear that we are now in a habitual routine. I don't know if it is still anxiety surrounding me and my health or whether she has been doing this for so long that it has become the norm.
Even if we get to school nice and early, she won't leave me to play with her friends, she'll stay with me until the bell rings.
She's extremely concerned about how people will see her. If we have a sports day, she will need us to take her usual uniform with her in case she has the wrong clothes on (i.e., there was a change in the days and today is not the sports day anymore.) Sometimes she needs to see the other kids wearing the same uniform before she will want to get out of the car.
She will worry about wearing leggings in case she gets hot, so she takes socks with her also. Again, all powered by worrying.
She has had some teasing and some rejection from some groups. Nothing over the top, no 'bullying' as such, just given a bit of a hard time about the tiny wart on her nose (which has almost gone now.)
She is scared of computer class because the teacher gets cranky and she feels like she's in trouble. (When she has been in trouble in class before, she was mortified, to the point of not being able to talk about it with us - TOTALLY traumatised by it.)
This morning, we were a little late so I walked her to the classroom and I gave her no opportunity to get upset, very quick kiss and a gentle push into the classroom, as soon as she was in there, she was fine. She needs to have the chance to worry removed from her options.
I'm really not happy with the school's handling of this, the teacher is quite hard and last year little was done also. She's definitely not a 'mainstream' kid and I can't help but feel a private alternative school would be a better option, but that means meeting all new friends again and that might be more dangerous to her right now.
After writing all this, I'm wondering if this is more a general 'worry' issue and not so much separation anxiety.
This is also the same with my wife, but she tends to get the tears more than I do.
I would love any advice.