How to deal with a naughty 5-year-old nephew who is not being disciplined by his mother?

Question

I live in a joint family with two of my uncles, and I have a very naughty five year old nephew who's a nuisance to the entire household.

We live in a flat and my nephew throws stuff out of the window including important things like my sister's mobile phone, my grandmother's inhaler and bars of soap; and he does this deliberately in front of people to annoy them.

He loves breaking pots and vases, bringing his cycle into the living room, and repeatedly pressing the doorbell at odd times of the day when everyone else is asleep.

The worst part of it all is that my aunt never reprimands him. She has allowed him to become so mischievous by never punishing him. Yes, she does shout at him but that's all she does.

When he's doing something he shouldn't be doing she never tries to stop him. She just follows him around shouting at him, and that makes no difference to him. He still does just what he wants to do.

This really gets on my nerves. Sometimes I really wish I could give him a tight slap to make him think twice before misbehaving, but his mother doesn't like that one bit. My father and my aunt had gotten into a really big fight once because he slapped my nephew for spitting in his face.

We try to stop him from misbehaving as much as possible. We never open the front door when he constantly rings, forcing his mother to open it. We try to put things on higher shelves so that he can't throw them away, etc.

However he still continues misbehaving. When we try take away things he gets his hands on he runs away, shouts and cries till his mother comes. Then he kicks, bites, pulls peoples' hair and spits on them.

My parents, siblings, grandmother and my other cousins, aunt and uncle are all daggers against him. He's a spoiled brat who loves disrupting the household with a smile, and his mother is an absolutely careless parent.

What strategies may we employ to deal with such a naughty boy?

Answer 1

One, no slapping. Besides being very unpleasant it is counter-productive and will make the problem worse. The reason your nephew is misbehaving this way is because he gets attention. You have a problem because there's little you can do yourself, parenting must come from the mother and father.

The problem is he's getting lots of the wrong kind of attention and little of the right kind of attention. His behavior is a desperate cry for help, not a sign he's intrinsically a bad person. He needs someone to give him attention for doing the right things, not attention for doing the wrong things. Tell him what is expected of him, and let him live up to it.

Start noticing things he does well, and right. Don't praise him too much, he'll want praise for every little thing he does right. Praise effort and really good results. Offer a reward for good behavior - "if you're good all day I'll take you out for an ice cream", then then stick to it. If he isn't a good boy he gets nothing, if you cave in he'll know he can act however he wants.

I hate to take things away from kids as punishment, but in extreme cases it's necessary. If he throws someone's phone out the window he loses his favorite toy for 2 days. If he goes a day without being really naughty people note how pleasant it is to be with him. Above all, don't lose your temper, show patience!

You can do this on your own, but it would be more effective to get everyone to work with you on it. Good luck!

Answer 2

You are raising your daggers against the wrong person. Your parents, siblings, grandmother and your other cousins, aunt and uncle should all be daggers against his mother. She is the destructive person in this story, and none of you will ever enjoy a moment's peace until she accepts the responsibility for her proper duty.

Until that happens, follow the advice in GdD's answer. Try to provide the poor child with an example of at least one sane person in his family. Also, if you give him enough of whatever kind of attention he craves, you may become the only person in the family who can control him.

Answer 3

Parents are the role models and tone setters for children. This is a learned behavior, not an intrinsic one. No doubt he has seen his parents acting in an immature, ineffective way and mimics them. Someone close (but not family) must broach this subject with them; they may not realize what an impact it is having on those closest to them. Deep scars take longer to heal and often leave a lasting impression. I know this from personal experience.

Answer 4

1. Her mother should not be careless as kids are more connected to their mothers. She must be involved in getting things right.
2. Hitting your nephew would not solve an issue, he might be get used to it and behave naughtier. Rather you should try some positive parenting techniques to overcome his naughty behavior.
3. You said you have a joint family, so everyone in the family should be involved in getting his behavior back on the right track. Spend some time with the kid and understand what he is expecting from all other members as well as what he wants to do. May be the kid just needs an attention as his mother could not give him time to spend with. Tell him the consequences of his wrong doings and naughty behavior so that he could stop doing such things in future.