My 10mnd old demands 100% of the time attention from others other than his parents, how can I reduce this?
When I or his mom are around, he can play somewhat solo. I give him attention for a significant amount of time, but also want to practice playing solo. I dont expect 100% independency, he can entertain himself about an hour or so, but we do need to be close by.
His mother and both his grandmothers experience the same thing.
However, when we bring him to the daycare and pick him up at the end of a day, we get the feedback that he has been practising for tornado siren all day (he has a good set of lungs), unless they give full attention, which they cant because there are more kids.
This is coming to the point where the daycare is dropping hints that they might not be able to do this for a lot longer. Their main argument is that this can't be fun for him and while its not really a problem now, this might soon turn in an a bad experience permanently. The guardian there has been doing this for about 30 years and she says he is one of the most difficult cases she's ever had.
He is like that with more people. My father (who's better with kids 2yrs+) has difficulty with him too. My kid can be (and is often) described as pretty intense. It is very obvious wether or not he is liking something, he is happy with the same intensity.
I'm looking for something we can do. My first though was to "leave" (e.g. do laundry a small distance over) him for 5mins, then come back. Then increase that more and more.
When he is at the daycare, he will not stop crying at all. Practicing this has booked us no results at all.
We've asked all people babysitting him to practice this and they all do, and it works for them, as long as there are no others to share attention with.
When the daycare guardian picks him up and gives the attention, he stops crying immediatly, I'm confident he sees her as a safe person too. The guardian suggests that he might be overstimulated because when the other kids go to bed, he becomes easier. But when I ask if she then gives him more private attention, the answer is yes. Me and his mother also are not really under the impression that overstimulation is the issue, as we bring him to more situations where there is plenty of stimuli, and he doesnt really seem to impressed by it. He also like a bit more wild playing, such as swings, or placing him on one of the kid cars and drive him around.
His week is like so:
- Monday: His mother has him (private attention, but then he plays well enough)
- Tuesday: Daycare, significant crying when left alone (even for a few seconds!)
- Wednesday: His mother has him (private attention, but then he plays well enough)
- Tuesday: His grandmother has him (private attention, but then he plays well enough)
- Friday: I have him (private attention, but then he plays well enough)
- Weekend: I and his mother have him (private attention, but then he plays well enough)
We're out of ideas how to approach this and we need the daycare to work. Does anyone know a good technique we can try?
My mother described me the same when I was young, easy but continues, she left me to cry and that seemed to work for me, but when my kid is with us, no real issues. And letting him cry does nothing for the daycare.
He has no issues with sleeping, wherever he is. At the daycare he becomes so upset he barely eats/drinks, worsening everything.
Little addendum: The daycare is very much in line with our philosophy. She takes them outside often, lets them play in the rain (she has raincoats) and stomp in puddles (she has boots). She promotes creative behaviour (like couloring), they sing together (I dont like singing, but its a fun kid activity). She is not a neatfreak, not scared of a booger etc, but does care about hygiene to a realistic standard. She is of the "emphisise positive, redirect negative" style (unless something serieusly wrong), creating self esteem. We do that too.
