So I have 2 female cousins who are 17 years old. That I have not seen in 5 years until last July. I use to take them to the park, I taught them how to swim, and I use to take them to trips and out to sports so that they could have a great life later on. I left the country for 5 years and have come back to see them again 7 months ago. Our family was always tight knit. I have come back now and the entire family is separated. The dynamics of the family members has changed. My cousins parents are always fighting. The father is never in their life and the mother doesn't care about them. They are both adopted and their true family members are from a life of drugs and prison. Them being in their teenage years they are trying to grow but they are doing some extreme things. They are both allowed to have their boyfriend over a couple times a week closed doors and the parents don't ask anything. They have both expressed ideas of self harm to their mom. They are on anti pregnancy medication. They hqve both told me that they took various kinds of drugs in the past, nothing hard. They have told me that they were abused physically in forms of punishment by their parents such as beating them. Their parents are not in their lives at all. The younger one sneaked out of her room last month to meet someone who picked her up in a car. Which is insane to me. They seem to be completely disconnected from the family and lost. I have expressed to the mom that this is could be chaotic and dangerous and come to an abrupt end but she just doesn't care. She feels like she is taking care of someone else's kids. My relationship with them as a cousin is not the best right now. They keep on pushing me away whenever i tell them abput the dangers of the world or whenever i try to compare the challenges that i went through in my life but they tell me to mind my own business its not my life. I am at a loss and day to day this is messing me up just thinking about it. They are both in their last year of high-school and I am scared for them and their lives. What can I do? I want to finally be someone that can stabilize them on their road in their lives and have a fun connection with them till the end. Or at least move in that direction so that they can be on a healthy and positive but fun road in their life

  • Hi! How old are you compared to them? If their family is unwelcoming and abusive to the point that home feels unsafe, then it is perhaps not too surprising that they would prefer to get into a friend's car rather than stay home, even if this "friend" is almost a stranger and you consider this stranger's car a "danger of the world". From their point of view, their own home is more dangerous than the outside world.
    – Stef
    Feb 17 at 14:29
  • 1
    I am 40 years old. We have a few things to talk about such as music, everyday life things, etc. But they are really moody and constantly pushing me away. The older one told me that the physical abuse stopped 2 or 3 years ago. However there is a lot of verbal abuse happening right now. I just see that they are not.connected to their family at all. A couple months ago one of them expressed to me that they don't have a voice in their family. I feel torn in a way because I want to help them and I have been trying to be there for them and push them forward but their really disrespectful
    – Tom
    Feb 17 at 19:50
  • What do you want to do? So far, you've only expressed concern over behaviors and that you'd like to help. What is the outcome you imagine? Do you want to change the behavior you disapprove of? Do you want to be a stabilizing influence in their lives? Do you want to be available to them if needed? Do you want to have a loving relationship with them? Without stating your goal, any advice would be just guessing at your goal. Feb 18 at 10:40
  • Hi Tom - please read our tour and How to Ask pages to understand how this site works, and to see what sort of things we can answer. Your post doesn't appear to have a question we can provide a useful answer for.
    – Rory Alsop
    Feb 18 at 15:26
  • I want to finally be someone that can stabilize them on their road in their lives and have a fun connection with them till the end. Or at least move in that direction
    – Tom
    Feb 18 at 16:51


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