I have a somewhat unique situation. I have a daughter that's 11 years old and she lives with a man she has been led to believe is her father. Her mother passed away when she was five or six and she had been living with this person, who now had a custody of her and they share his last name, he insisted on this at her birth.

Her mother and I had a good relationship and at one point they lived with me. My daughter has a older sister who often teased her telling her that I was her dad. I send her a birthday and Christmas card every year.

I have reached out to the person raising her wanting the three of us and tell her who I am officially. He feels that it should be told to her later. I think that the longer we wait the more harmful it will be and make her resent both of us. I don't want to have to answer her about why I wasn't there for her or why I didn't fight for her.

I don't want to disrupt her life in any bad way. I'm not trying to take her away from what her life is. I just want her to know that I'm someone she can rely on if she needs me. The person raising her tells me that she has a identity problem and I can't help but think because she knows something not quite right. I just can't believe that the truth is in any way wrong. He says that a loving and caring family is what is best for her so I don't think two loving families can't be bad.

  • I've rewritten your question a bit, please double check if I got it right :)
    – Martijn
    Commented Nov 27, 2023 at 15:45
  • … and while you are at it, please check and edit the title, it seems incomplete?
    – Stephie
    Commented Nov 27, 2023 at 21:51


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