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I don’t know what happened but my 7 1/2 yo is not listening the first time. e.g. if I ask him something of him he won’t listen until I have to be a bit louder. This has been going on for months now. It is not only with me but with mom too.

My wife says he is growing up so he need some space but I do not understand why? We do live with his uncle and they are very lazy and ignore anything my wife says e.g not cleaning or doing any work like making the house clean and my thinking is he is picking habits from them?

Also my little one follow my elder one so everything elder one do, little one do it even what I described above.

Why my son is being lie this? He wasn’t like that and was a quick one.

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  • if you look around other questions on this exact topic, you will see it is very common at various phases of childhood. Children's brains are continuously developing - there's a lot they have to learn, and sometimes they focus internally, other times they may want to show they have control of the situation.
    – Rory Alsop
    May 31, 2023 at 6:40

2 Answers 2

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With me it was (and still is) that I'm so involved in my own thoughts that it takes me a few seconds to switch gears and start paying attention.

Instead of suddenly saying "Joe, can you do X" and then having to repeat it, try just saying "Hello Joe?" until you have his attention, and then make the request.

Also, do you actually need to say it a bit louder? If so, you might want to have his hearing checked. But I'm betting that you don't need the increased volume.

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  • Loud as in I have to say it a little strict. He hears but deliberately ignores it or say 1 sec but doesn’t do. I m worried why he is doing that and what should I do about it.
    – localhost
    May 29, 2023 at 23:12
  • It's not fair to say that your son is doing this on purpose. You cannot claim to be able to read your son's mind. It's concerning that you choose to belive the worst in your son. The vast majority of 7yo children are still deeply motivated to please their parents.
    – user42851
    Jun 11, 2023 at 18:31
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My wife says he is growing up so he need some space ...

Yes, of course he needs his space, but I don't see any direct connection to not listening properly.

... but I do not understand why?

Your understanding why will not solve the problem. I usually encourage people to look for a solution, not the cause of a problem.

We do live with his uncle and they are very lazy and ignore anything my wife says e.g not cleaning or doing any work like making the house clean and my thinking is he is picking habits from them?

That might be the case. I would want to do something about the situation. (Feel free to ask if you want further advice).

Also my little one follow my elder one so everything elder one do, little one do it even what I described above.

Which seems to confirm the need for a change.

If you and your wife tell your uncle to clean the house and he doesn't, your children learn it's normal to ignore your wishes. In a way your children learn that it's ok not to respect their parents.

Why my son is being lie this?

Again, I encourage you to ask for a solution.

As Paul Johnson already pointed out, it might be helpful to make your son aware of the situation that you would like to tell him something important before you actually do that.

Addition (2023-06-02):

I didn't mean you should shift house. My suggestion is to accept the fact that your wifes brother is the way he is. Find a way to deal with that.

I would recommend to tell him (wifes brother) you're upset about the situation and ask him why he doesn't help clean. Maybe he has something he wants to tell you.

It's weird your wife doesn't want you to talk to him. I personally would talk to him anyway, but I don't know your specific circumstances. I encourage you to talk to your wife first and tell her you would like to ask her brother about his reasons. You could also ask her why she doesn't want you to talk to him. Maybe she's afraid that you might make things worse. Just ask and listen.

Direct and gentle communication can be the solution for many problems.

I m thinking of taking away my son games and tv until he learns

What's your intention behind that? To me it sounds like some sort of punishment for "not listening". What makes you think that taking away his games will make him listen?

I don't think you son's behaviour is on purpose. I don't even think he's aware of it. In this case taking away his games doesn't make any sense to me. That approach is not a solution to the problem, it will probably make things worst.

You could try simply to go to your son and tell him about your problem and ask him for a solution. Something like this: "Son, I would like you to listen to what I say, but everytime I talk to you, you don't understand and then I get a little angry and louder. Do you have any suggestion how I can talk to you so you understand what I say in the first place?"

Maybe he has an idea about what is going on when you take your time and ask gently.

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  • Thanks, ATM I don’t have financial capacity to shift house. My wife won’t let me get talk to her brother coz even she is tired of them. I m thinking of taking away my son games and tv until he learns but again what should he do if no tv or game. What is ur advice abt situation
    – localhost
    Jun 1, 2023 at 23:27
  • I updated my answer / added more information.
    – ChristophK
    Jun 2, 2023 at 7:06

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