0

We are visiting my wife Aunt and she has a daughter who is 3 years elder than my son, who is 7. I would describe my son as moody as well as good, depending on his mood. He does like attention so makes up things until asked then he apologises.

Today after all day of playing he became silent as the girl said he is not playing with me. I asked him alone the reason, he told that the girl was poking him which when asked the girl said yes but I poked while playing as they were playing so it was sort of game which was fine.

I told both that in playing things happen but you both are like sibling.

Issue happened later when our son was asked to go to his room where he was sleeping with his brother and he started crying and disturbed everyone at 5am, according to wife he told her that the cousin girl asked him to kiss her. While he was telling her mom this I went into loo to tell that we will talk in morning as it was 5am.

Now problem is how should we deal with it? Same thing happened to me when I was 8 with my niece but my mom then didn’t believed me as behind closed doors told my brother what I tried to do and it was due to tv and movies that my 18 years old elder brother sees etc. (Of course I never asked my niece to kiss me, she did while I was asleep).

When I heard about my son issue. I was shocked and how to deal with it? I know my mother broke my trust and I hate that girl (my niece) till now, I do not want to shatter my son confidence and yet deal with it as a parent.

1 Answer 1

5

First, if a child touches your son in a way that he doesn't like, it doesn't matter if the other child says it's a game, your son didn't like being poked by this girl and she needs to stop and you need to support your son by backing him up.

Second, if your son is being told to do something he doesn't want to do, the other child needs to stop pressuring your son, and you need to enforce your son's right to choose what he does and with whom.

Third, this girl seems to have some boundary issues, which means you need to increase your supervision of her and your son to keep your son safe.

When it comes to the safety of your child, either the Aunt gets on board and supports you and what you need to do to keep your son safe, or you need to rethink staying with that Aunt.

Your son's safety is your priority, so whatever you need to do to keep him safe is what you need to do.

3
  • 1
    Your right. I was carried by emotions as I had been in the same situation and I was victim but was shown as I was the abuser. nevertheless, how can one make sure that my son didn't do anything like that, how to be sure?
    – localhost
    Commented Dec 27, 2022 at 14:16
  • @localhost That's a big question, whether or not to believe your son. The answer isn't in this one event. The answer is in the family structure that you've created around telling the truth. My son knew when I asked what happened, if he told the truth I would thank him and remind him of any rules he broke and then it was over. If he told me a "story" (a more gentle way to name a lie), he went to time out. He knew he could skip time out by telling me what he had done and what rules he broke. He choose the path of truth to skip time out. I trusted his motivation, so I believed him.
    – user42851
    Commented Dec 28, 2022 at 6:11
  • 1
    @localhost Talk to your son and ask him how he felt when it happened, encourage him to discuss his feelings. Explain that you are sorry it happened, no one should make him feel that way and you hope he will never make anyone else feel that way either. That should be enough to make sure that the situation isn't repeated. End the discussion by telling him that if anything like that happens again, you would want him to tell you. (That will reassure him that you took him seriously and that you will defend him if he needs you.)
    – elbrant
    Commented Dec 28, 2022 at 13:33

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .