I have two children who are or will be studying soon (university). One of them will study a high-cost, high-outcome subject, while the other is not interested in going very far.

I have a budget for any reasonable school but will end up with the question: equality or equity? (roughly speaking)

  • Equality: I give them both the planned budget, and they use it as they want (the 1st kid's school costs would set the actual amount)
  • Equity: this is money for school, so they get their school expenses covered.

I am looking for actual experiences from people who had such a situation, the way they chose, and how it ended up in terms of future relationships.

Please note that I am in France — we do not really use work and money as strong values. Our children are usually not expected to work to "learn the value of money", etc. This is general view, YMMV of course. Whether this is good or not is irrelevant, I am just mentioning it to set a cultural context.

  • Hi WoJ - this question is unfortunately entirely opinion-based. You could get 20 answers, all correct , and all entirely different - so it doesn't fit well in a Stack Exchange site. My answer to you would be to do it whichever way you want
    – Rory Alsop
    Commented Dec 8, 2022 at 12:42
  • 1
    @RoryAlsop Well, I am surprised that a site on parenting is not expected to be subjective and based on the actual experiences of parents. It is not a question on how to correctly pass a reference in JavaScript that has one correct answer based on documentation - I would have been happy with 20 answers that show a spectrum of cases to ponder. But be it.
    – WoJ
    Commented Dec 8, 2022 at 12:45
  • 1
    This is one of the more subjective SE sites, sure, but we still need to follow the SE framework, so 20 answers showing a spectrum of cases is not suitable here. Sorry.
    – Rory Alsop
    Commented Dec 9, 2022 at 13:02
  • 1
    we had two going to high $$$ university and one to a much much cheaper one. We gave the cheap one a nice gift that was very valuable to him as "compensation". All were happy with the arrangement.
    – Hilmar
    Commented Dec 10, 2022 at 9:41
  • Good question. In terms of future relationships, it depends on the child who is receiving less financial help, but I can attest to the fact that fully adult, settled kids will surprise you with hurts they've never admitted to before for fear of appearing materialistic. Commented Dec 12, 2022 at 4:38


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