Teaching a 7yo responsibility for his choices

Question

I have a 7 year old son who is a great kid. However there are times when he completely denies responsibility for his actions. For example, the other day my wife took our kids to a splashpad (water type playground). She brought his water shoes in case the ground was hot but he didn't want to wear them. So he played barefoot for a couple hours. Later that evening he was complaining that his foot hurt so we took a look and he had a blister from running around barefoot. He immediately blamed my wife for taking him to the splashpad at the wrong time of day. He blamed her for his blister when he chose to not wear his shoes.

This is just one example, there are more, and we are at a loss on how to teach him responsibility for his choices.

Anyone else having a similar issue or advice on a strategy to handle this?

Edit: To be explicit based on some of the comments, my wife brought the shoes and offered him the shoes to wear. He said he didn't need them. We were unaware of the blisters or any pain until later than day.

Answer 1

Sounds to me that you are teaching him responsibility for his choices. You let him make a choice, and then let him bear the consequences of that choice.

It won't be instant that he stops complaining and pointing to you - he's spent years where everything was someone else's choice, so that's just human nature. But as long as you gently remind him he had a choice of what to do, and this is what happens based on that choice, he'll get there.

I like to talk to my children about their choices afterwards, and talk about it in the mindset of "what would or could we do differently next time". Think "growth mindset" here - no criticisms for the choice, there is no wrong choice; just what do they think they'd prefer to do differently. And no "I told you so" - reminders that there was a choice, but not accusations they should've listened.

Not this:

Ow! My foot hurts! Why did you take me to that splash pad? It was too hot!

I told you to wear your water shoes, now you see why!

You shouldn't have taken me when it was hot, it's your fault.

See how that immediately falls into "your fault"? It's not him doing the blaming - it's you, first. Instead, do this:

Ow! My foot hurts! Why did you take me to that splash pad? It was too hot!

Oh, that's unfortunate! What do you think we can do next time to avoid getting hurt feet?

I don't know, it just hurts!

What do you think about your choice to not wear water shoes? Do you think a different choice there might have changed the outcome here?

I don't know, maybe?

And then they're thinking about it. They might still blame you or yell or whatever; it's partially them expressing their feelings, and partially because they hold you as the all-seeing-all-powerful-parent, and so everything must be your fault. Getting away from that, and training them to think about how they respond to things - particularly after the fact - helps a lot there.