My boyfriend of 2 and a half years loves my daughter and my daughter loves and looks up to him as a father figure, but he said that “i'm harder on her because she isn't my biological daughter” and that “it will make her stronger” am I suppose to be ok with this? I’m upset by this and want him to love her has his own but by him saying these things makes me feel like he doesn’t lover her as his own. Am I wrong to think that? What should I do?

3 Answers 3

  1. Your boyfriend's comment is a red flag.
  2. Your daughter does not need to be stronger.
  3. Your daughter is completely dependent on you for her health and wellbeing.
  4. No man should be allowed to threaten your daughter's wellbeing.
  5. However you feel about this is how you feel.
  6. No one gets to judge you or your feelings or your decisions about your daughter's wellbeing.
  7. Your relationship with your daughter is life-long.
  8. Your relationship with your boyfriend is not yet a life-long commitment.
  9. Without any explanation to anyone, including your boyfriend, you have a right to choose the best option for yourself and your daughter, whether you try to work it out with your boyfriend, or you end the relationship, you have a right to act without explaining or justifying your decision(s).

That "It will make her stronger" line is horsesh*t. What makes people strong is knowing that they have secure foundational relationships, where they feel safe and secure, and are treated with love, respect and fairness. Your boyfriend is openly admitting he doesn't want your daughter to feel secure in her own home. He wants her to feel less than.

I don't think it is healthy for your daughter to live like that... constantly wanting support from a parental figure that she will never get.


You are supposed to feel however you do with it. I wouldn't be okay with anyone telling me they are being intentionally "hard" on anyone I care for, though I can't tell by this post what his/your definition of hard is.

The reality is that she is not "his own" and to put that expectation on a partner is unfair IMO. I am a SM and, as much as I love my SKs, they could and never would be "my own". I didn't treat them as anything other than my own children, but to ask someone how to love is not something that is within your control. How he treats her, though, is something that can be worked on and an area that I'd suggest you focus on. Treating someone in your household with love and care should be a given (presuming lack of abuse, etc.).

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