My 12 year old daughter has been a nightmare in the past few months. On her good days she is the sweetest most helpful girl but these are becoming very rare. She loves her sporting activities but hates anything to do with school and although I have tried with Homework = Sport but this is not working. She shouts and screams, she cusses me and tells me that I should die in my sleep. She blames me for everything!! When I try and talk to her when she's calm she begins to cry and then shout at me. She has exams at the end of the month and has not started studying/revising for any subjects even though I have asked her calmly. She also has a private tutor for a few lessons but she I do not see her doing any homework! I have been thinking of taking to a psychologist for behavioural problems and wondered if this will help.

  • From my amateur psychology knowledge, it sounds to me like she has some issues to struggle with. Did something happen in the past? Is something happening at school?
    – Ben
    May 16, 2022 at 9:04
  • Has she struggled with school before? some kids give up after failing at something.
    – A.bakker
    May 16, 2022 at 10:45
  • She seems to be under a lot of stress. Find the causes with her. Make sure you relieve more stress than you cause. Stress is often caused by not knowing how to do things. May 16, 2022 at 10:52
  • 2
    To add to @reinierpost, sport is a good way to de-stress. So I'd avoid taking her sport away, or making her earn it.
    – R Davies
    May 17, 2022 at 8:36
  • Maybe get her a therapist or someone she can talk to. She might be being bullied and that’s why she doesn’t like school. Or she’s getting stressed out. Hope this helps. May 24, 2023 at 20:36

1 Answer 1


"I have been thinking of taking to a psychologist for behavioural problems and wondered if this will help."

My mom sent me to a psycologist when I was 17. It was a friend of hers, and she kept asking me "what are you going to do about your mom?"

I said "nothing."

Thankfully that ended my visits.

As a mom, my son went to counseling from about 9yo to 12yo, and I attended about 1 in 3 of his apointments, or more if he asked me too.

I'm not suggesting that you would do what my mom did, but I do hope that the contrast between the two situations stands out. My mom was trying to fix me. My son was working through some stuff that had happened to him.

If you approach counseling with your daughter as a way for you to work together to uncover what is driving her behavior, you can turn this difficult time into a positive journey of growth for your relationship.

Through counseling you can build a relationship that is respectful to both of you. You can reinforce that you, as the mom, are in charge, and convey to your daughter the expectations that you have about how she talks to you.

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