Not a parent but an older sibling and I’m trying to establish some form of peace in my household, I’ll try to give context here without making the question too long.
My sister is a teenager that’s going through that generic phase of rebellion, but it wasn’t anything worth noting up until recently. My family is the religious kind (Muslim, to be specific) and they started pressuring her about wearing the hijab about a couple of years ago and it only gets more and more intense as time goes on.
Now I believe it’s a choice she should make, not one that my parents make for her, but that isn’t their view of it, they see her rejection of it as disobedience for the sake of pissing them off and for her to be able to do what she wants, but that isn’t the case, I’ve spoken to her multiple times about this and she said that she doesn’t feel she is ready for it yet and that she doesn’t want to wear it now.
My family is really strict, not strict enough for it to make me want to run away with all my siblings, but strict enough to make almost every interaction at home be anxiety-ridden and have some sort of argument come out of it, and it’s especially the case with the girls of the family, this obviously causes a lot of tension with her since she’s going through her phase currently.
Every time they argue with her the whole house piles up against her, they blame her for everything, force her to do things then act surprised she is being reluctant, actively take away electronics/privileges from her as a form of punishment (I personally am very against this punishment tactic as it has proven to only escalate problems, not solve them). This sort of attitude only reinforces negative behavior for her as she is partaking in self-harm, has difficulty controlling her outbursts, and frequently locks herself to cry in the bathroom, that sort of thing.
What can i do to make it easier to coexist with my parents in this status quo? What i try to do is to treat her somewhat like an adult, make her voice feel heard by listening to her takes on things, help her go out with friends (because she isn’t allowed to go out without an older sibling with her), and generally just try to defend her. What can i do in cases where i have to tell her she is wrong without having her think I’m also against her now and have her turn on me?