We're all on the autistic spectrum in our family. I only mention it because we work hard in this family to teach good coping skills without using aba skills that gave us lifelong trauma as children. For the most part, everything works out. We created a good sensory environment and generally do things differently than our parents did.
The problem is that our only child doesn't understand or care about boundaries. He walks out of his room naked constantly in front of his aunt even after we repeatedly told him not to do that (it's not a sensory difficulty with clothes because in the house he only wears loose fitting clothing inside out to avoid seams). He seems to think he's playing and tells her that she doesn't need to enforce it because mom is asleep or at work.
There was previous sexual abuse in our family by a stepfather when we were children so she's naturally concerned that he doesn't know how to have boundaries around adults. And he's very physically affectionate without asking. He'll climb all over you and headbutt you if you don't give him attention. Climbing over me without warning is an issue with my trauma and sensory difficulties especially when he climbs on my back and holds onto my neck.
No amount of saying no and telling him to ask first does anything. He also hits and kicks and pulls hair when he doesn't get his way. He already gets in trouble at the playground because he changes rules of games to make himself win quickly and throws a fit if he loses and once another kid said he didn't like him and he kept trying to play with him so the other kid hit him. Obviously we dealt with it but it's at the point where we have to leave when this kid shows up because he still tries to play with him.
This is compounded by the fact that my new boyfriend thinks I'm taking it too seriously because "boys will be boys" but he doesn't understand that these behaviors in autistic adults lead often to incarceration or death if they persist and they often persist in neurotypical boys who grow up to be violent or sexually inappropriate because nobody thinks it's important to teach empathy when they're young, so he undermines all those efforts to teach it.
I just don't know what I can do to teach empathy and boundaries to someone who doesn't understand the concept when everyone undermines my efforts and talks about how cute he is even when he's being badly behaved? We don't spank and we try not to raise our voices (we're not always successful at that last part) but we do remove privileges like screen time. I'm trying to immediately end games if he gets mean about it but my boyfriend thinks it's normal for little boys to be aggressive like that so I get nowhere.