I honestly am confused about what to do as a parent. I have a 4 year old child with severe ADHD symptoms and ODD and persistent impulse control issues. My child experiences level 10 tantrums multiple times a day over various things. Sometimes it's because we're following through on a punishment like turning off the TV or tablet when he is using foul language or being mean to his brother. Sometimes he randomly hits his brother or the dog and we remove privileges when he does. It's at the point where every attempt at anything remotely resembling discipline is met with extreme rage and violent tantrums for at least half an hour or more and this happens multiple times a day
During these episodes if we don't lock him in his room, he will continue to punch, kick, and bite at us and his brother. It doesn't end until he is a quivering exhausted mess or he ends up hurting himself in his fit of rage. There is no point at any negative or positive consequences or attempts to punish the behavior as communicating with him during this stage is impossible. I and his therapists are not sure how to calm him down. I have tried physically restraining him to keep him from constantly attacking us or his brother, but that is dangerous for both of us. I have two damaged teeth from random headbutts. The last time I have tried this he clocked me in the face and I saw red and unfortunately lost my cool and screamed at him in his face. The terror in his eyes was too much to bear, but he did stop. This cannot be the only way to snap him out of it, surely, because I cannot accept for him to not be violent that he must fear us?
My parents and in laws are disgusted with us as parents and make it known that they think we are raising a psychopath because we refuse to beat our children. They make it explicitly known that they think this is 110% our fault and that ODD and ADHD are made up diagnoses to sell therapy and drugs.
Any ideas on what we can do to bring the violence under control in our house? The doctor highly recommends we get him on ADHD medication soon but wants to wait a few more months when he is closer to 5.