I just wanted some help. I’m 18. Lately I have been really confused if my mother is overtly controlling or I’m just a frustrated teen or it is dysfunctional household. I really don’t know where to start.
- So since I was young I have always been slapped as a form of discipline and I’m still slapped, punched or even choked (for like five seconds)[the choking started around 2 years ago]. I think my mom didn’t really meant to hurt me but I think she only did this to like instil a sense of fear.
- Even I was around 10, I had not studied for a test and my mom was mad at me and scolding me so while scolding me she suddenly started throwing stuff at me, I clearly remember she threw a pen then a notebook and a glass. And the glass directly hit my forehead and I got two stitches. Every one else was told that I had slipped on my own. This was the only time i was really like physically hurt by her. (Even tho she did not mean to)
- Now, she constantly mocks the way I speak even though I have clear speech and then continually critiques my weight and how fat my hips are. She even showed me her pictures and told me that she was the “slimmest person”. I even have stretch marks and she makes fun of them and once even told me to not wear bikinis. Then once she was talking to her sister and she thought I was asleep but I heard it. She said that my little sister is more beautiful and all that she can see on my face is my wide nose and I’m not pretty.
- She makes me wear the same clothes as my little sister (who is 7 years younger that me). A couple of times I have told her that I don’t want to wear the same clothes but she says that she paid for it and that I’m ungrateful. And one day she even told me that this was the last time I was “rebelling” against her and if I say anything against her I will face the consequences. And then one day we were having the same conversation and she hit her head twice on her own palm very hard and I have never talked to her about it again. She has also said that you can’t wear shorts because papa said no and also said that “I know you want to wear organ displaying clothes” (whereas all I ask for is my own individuality because I am really interested in fashion)
- I’m not allowed to go out. Like hang out with friends. Since I was 14-15 I always wanted to but my mother had often mentioned in conversations that she does feel the need for friends to hang out after school if they stay together in school anyways. Even If I go out I have tell her everything ranging from the people and even come back and show her the pictures. For example, I went to my best friend of 14 years birthday and 1 house into it she started calling and asking me when I will be back.
- I am also not allowed to have social media. I don’t have any Instagram. The only thing I have is Snapchat that keep logged out all the time and is hidden so she does not know about it. The chats I have with friends, I delete as soon as possible because my phone is only given to me for study purposes. Whenever I talk on call she just comes into my room and sits there and listens to all of it and then afterwards asks about what I talked about.
- I am also not allowed to date. Because girls with “honour don’t date” (I don’t know what this means either ).
- She also constantly tells me that she does not make me do many chores so I should be thankful and just study. On times she has also mentioned that she was married away at 21(she had and arranged marriage) so I should be lucky that I have this opportunity.(am I am grateful but idk sometimes things just don’t add up)
- She is not very supportive to the lgbt+ community even tho I tried to sit her down and talk about it. She also not supportive to inter caste and inter – religion marriages. It is not that I have just given into her rules, I have tried to sit her down and tried to give my own reasons for not liking some stuff that she does but she always evens the conversation but saying that I am a rebellious teenager and then warns me if I don’t change my ways she will see herself. So at this point I have just given up and just say ok to everything because I can’t argue or talk anymore and so came here to make myself understand first.