I reveal many details already, and for privacy, I don't want to reveal any more like ages. My son currently attends university in USA.

Since Son was 14, he's had huge crush on Tiffany Young, a Korean American pop idol. This was reasonable to me at first. When ever we discuss her, he says they have much in common. I agree. Tiffany's mom died by suicide, when Tiffany was 12. My husband died by suicide, when Son was 13.

Like Tiffany, Son has scoliosis. Like Tiffany, Son grew up in Greater Los Angeles his whole life. Like Tiffany's parents, my husband was and I am first generation Korean immigrants. We are American citizens who live in Greater L.A.

Like Tiffany, Son's thinking of working in Seoul and learning more about his Korean roots. He's working on getting fluent in Korean. They both speak out on anti-Asian discrimination. They both have identity crisis. They don't perfectly fit in Seoul or California, because their identities split between Korea and U.S. Son likes the good parts of each country, and dislikes the bad.

I thought all this was a fad and phase.....his crush will go away when he meets new people at college. But it hasn't! He still hopes to befriend her. I want to be realistic. As matter of fact, there's always some chance - even if teeny - that he befriends her! Who knows? Some celebrities have married their fans! Perhaps Tiffany and my son will cross paths and meet in real life! It's unrealistic to tell Son that this will never happen.

I just feel he's spending too much time on her social media! Anyone got any advice please? Can it help Son to meet Tiffany at a fan event or fan sign? Perhaps he can write a letter to give her, to say she is such important role model and mental support to him?

  • 2
    Something that might help: look up the phrase "parasocial relationships".
    – nick012000
    Jun 11 at 8:05
  • How old is your son now ?
    – Hilmar
    Jun 18 at 4:59

There's nothing wrong with having celebrity crushes as long as it does not turn into an obsession. Having a favorite actor, actress, or musician is no different than having a favorite movie, TV show, book series, or video game. It's a fandom either way.

If Tiffany helps him cope with the loss of a parent and is inspiring him to explore his Korean roots, then you can consider her a positive influence on his life. Many people look up to public figures as role models to inspire and motivate them to achieve greater things or teach them positive values. I strongly support Aidan Gallagher's campaigns for public awareness of climate change and human rights violations. Aidan also tells his fans not to spend money wastefully and explains the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships on his social media.

On the other hand, there are valid reasons to object a public figure if they promote poor values and lifestyles. My parents objected to a YouTuber that I used to watch when I was younger because he used drugs and had casual sex in the public eye. Although I did not see a problem with his life as a younger teenager, I now realize that my parents were right and he served as a poor role model for his fans.

Is Tiffany causing your son to engage in unhealthy behaviors? If so, then you should explain to him why those behaviors are not acceptable. However, you have to realize that your son is an adult and is old enough to make decisions for himself and you are no longer his guardian.

You said in your question that you feel that your son is spending too much time on her social media. You can find ways to encourage him to do other things, such as see or talk to his friends. If Tiffany has a fan mail account or there are meet-and-greet events occurring around you, you could possibly encourage your son to attend as a way to get him to do other things.

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