I found out my 10 year old daughter(11 in 3 months) told her two best friends she is a lesbian. One friend is a boy who's been her best friend since they were 3 and the other is her best girlfriend. The part that bothers me is she didn't tell me, I saw it on her messenger kids which she knows is supervised by me.(I work cyber security and protect youth from online predators).
I'm a single mom, her brothers are in their 20's, her dad abandoned her so many times & now by his choice hasn't seen her in exactly 3 years, he doesn't try and she doesnt want to as now she doesn't trust him with her heart, and we are a communicative and very open/non judgemental family who have gay and straight friends and have always talked about Anything.
I spoke with her(she's 10) & said I love her no matter what she is and chooses in life, &
I asked when & how she knew and she understandably said she doesn't know. I also did say she is too young for sexual activity and asked why she didn't tell me, she first straight out lied when I first asked a few days ago, until today I said I knew what she told her friends. So we talked a bit as to how there's no difference in gay or straight(judgement wise & individuality) and she really had nothing to say.
We mostly focused on convo about open honesty, be proud to be you and she can talk to me about anything. (She's Never been one to talk feelings) She seemed perkier. Her answer to most questions is "I don't know".
I hugged & kissed her head before she went to bed and I also reminded her I love her unconditionally.
What did I do wrong for her not to tell me and to lie until she realized I learned from messenger kids (which she even told a friend that mom reads these.)
In 3rd grade she had a crush on a boy.
I'm just wondering what signs I missed & feeling crappy that she felt she couldn't tell me.
What do I say & do going forward?