I have been trying to train my 2 year old for about 3 months.She tells us mostly after she goes but sometime before. She would tell us in the beginning and did well, now she goes in her pants. Do I put her back in diapers? She knows she is wet and will go get now clothes. Not sure what I should do? Beyond frustrated.


I feel your frustration, been there.

I suggest keeping her in her pants, and offering positive encouragement. She's still pretty young, and may honestly not feel things all the time. From what I believe, she's still developing the skill to learn what it is her body is telling her it needs to do. We have a 3tr old who is training herself, but still can't feel it every time.

If it persists, or she stops wanting to change, then you may have the same issue with her as we do with our 5 yr old, who is currently being treated for chronic constipation (developed a fear of pooping), and can't feel when she goes (until after the fact). She feels super embarrassed after it happens, so she hides things, making matters even worse. She'll also actively fight us almost every time we even hint at the need to go to the toilet.

We've found that by removing the accident's negative stigma, she's been more willing to come to us for assistance and even tries to go herself. We also worked going to the toilet into a routine, where we all go as a family before we leave the house and before we put any shows on the TV.

When there is an accident we discretely offer our assistance to help "make her comfortable" again, rather than showing disappointment in the accident. It's a real challenge, as sometimes we're downright angry that she hasn't bothered trying.

I wish there was a quick and easy solution, but sometimes it's just a waiting game. Stick with it, and things will improve.

  • Positive over negative is so key here. How many stories do we hear of shame about toilet training only getting worse when punished? Whereas when I was a li'l tyke, I used to not make it through the night, so my parents promised me a Beanie Baby if I went a month with no accidents. Somehow it just worked. The body understands reward even at some unconscious level :p Apr 7 at 12:01

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