I found my son in bed with his best friend (male) naked during a sleepover. I woke up at the middle of the night and went to go see if they were asleep and found them. What should I assume? Should I punish him and contact his friends family? I feel like a disappointment letting this happen in MY house. What should I do.

  • Have you considered talking to your son? – Joe Mar 29 at 2:30
  • I have thought about it and I don’t want to bring it up so soon. – Nancy Mar 29 at 3:04
  • It's possible that nothing sexual happened. Some people prefer to sleep naked, and teenagers aren't always able to fully understand things from other people's points of view until things have been explained to them. – nick012000 Mar 29 at 5:28
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    What are their ages? – A.bakker Mar 29 at 5:58
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    You ask if you should punish your son. Could you share for what reason you would punish him? What part of the behaviour would be offensive in your eyes? – Jan Niklas Fingerle Mar 29 at 14:11

Don't panic. It may or may not be an issue. The most important thing is to establish a strong relationship with your son. Being his mother will help because the subject is less confronting when it is the parent of the opposite sex talking.

Given he is a teen, it can be a confusing time and may just be a phase on the way to working out where on the range of behavior he is. It is better to underreact and build up your concern than overreact and drive a wedge between you.

He may feel annoyed that you were "checking" on him. Did you have any suspicions that led you to check on them or was it complete shock that happened because you were innocently just being mom?

Maybe open honestly with how you found out and then explain how others may see it, then take it gently from there.

Good luck, it's a tough one but may end up being a good outcome.

  • If the 'it' in 'how others may see it' should refer to the boy possibly being gay: Sexual preferences aren't anything people can chose for themselves. What others think about that shouldn't be of any importance except for some variation of "I stand by you and will fight for your freedom to live your life without having to hide your identity, no matter how others may see it." – Jan Niklas Fingerle Mar 29 at 14:33
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    I get the impression “it” means “this incident” throughout this answer. Not sure why this was downvoted. – Jax Mar 29 at 14:39

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