My father and I have an inequitable relationship. I'm not allowed to talk back to him or say anything to my mom in his presence without telling him. I have nothing against such a state of affairs; after all, he is a figure of authority.
A few days ago, he showed me a video of two children singing on Facebook and gave a high opinion about them as I looked on. He went on about how children my age had achieved great things (in his exact words, "Do you know what kids your age do?").
With all due humility, I find that offensive. I don't think I am an underachieved child. I've told him multiple times before this incident how I feel about his narcissism, and each time, he replied with a casual "okay". I told him this once more, but this time, he lost his temper. He hurled expletives at me, calling me a corpse (that's a slur in our native language) and an ungrateful child, and told me once more about the exemplary 16-year old.
Some more information about my father's character—which he has had as long as I can recall:
I sought therapy at school a few years ago, but my dad made a huge scene out of it. He called my mother a sitting-duck to my bad tendencies and me, a mental patient. He made it clear that I was not to seek any psychiatric help as it would, I'm sure, render him the father of a mental patient. It was impossible for me at the time. I had to take light valproic acid for 2-3 weeks without his knowledge. Even my teachers knew, but not him. I am confident he would kill me if he found out.
I have never had a single birthday party. I'm fine with it; after so many years, I realise birthdays aren't anything special at all. But wouldn't most parents at least ask their children if they wanted one? My dad pushed the idea away early on, not because of the way I see it, but because in his opinion, parties are for people of low character.
All of this does affect my self-esteem.
- How do I convince my dad to stop talking to me like I'm a lazy, school-flunking drug addict?