Hi, I'm 14 and I want to tell my story about my abusive parents [closed]

Question

I don't know what to do anymore because domestic violence is an everyday problem for me.

I really wish I could just make it stop, or explain to them how I feel. But I know they wouldn't because my family is Mexican and that they are very strict. They yell and curse at me (in Spanish). When they hit me they hit me on the legs or my back or some times my arms and they use the belt or a wooden spatula. It's got so bad that sometimes I have bruises for weeks.

I'm too scared to tell the police because they are my parents and I do love them even though I'm going through so much.

Sometimes I feel that I deserve it because I do sometimes talk back but not in that kind of bad way like only to defend myself. Even my grandmother makes things worse by saying how the old days were and how it's ok and fine to hit children and sometimes make them bleed. I could add many stories of my father's violence.

This problem got worse ever since the day when they took everything from me (my phone, my skateboard, my TV, and my room). I don't know why. But the things they took actually made me calm and relaxed. These were things I had bought with my own money.

I have a girlfriend and she's the only person that makes me feel loved and cared for, she and her family, even though they don't know my problems. If I told them my parents would kill me. My girlfriend also calms me down from doing anything stupid and I've been with her for a year now.

And so I need help and advice to figure what I can do to help my situation.

Sometimes I think to myself and ask myself if I have anger issues or if I'm depressed because I usually cry myself to sleep and wake up hoping today will be amazing but it's the opposite.

What governmental or charitable organizations other than the police can I go to for help?

Answer 1

You say it's not you who have problems, but "all of us and mainly me and my dad." Let me stop you there. You need to remove yourself from that sentence. Your dad has issues. He is abusing you. It becomes your problem, but you are not part of the problem, you're a victim of it.

I come from a place where all physical violence is considered abuse, and prohibited by law. I don't know if that's the case where you're from, but regardless, I don't think there's any place where what you describe isn't abuse.

You need to do what keeps you safe and out of harms way. If you think you can safely contact the police, and have faith they'll be able to help, you definitely should. If you think they'll drop the case and you'll just get a worse beating, then you may be better off contacting some local version of child protective services.

If anyone with local knowledge can answer this question and provide contact details, then great, but I don't think any one of us can make the call on what is your best route to safety. Failing that, I am posting for what it's worth, to say you're misguided in thinking you have anger issues or need family therapy. If you do, they're besides the point. You are a victim of abuse and you need to get to safety.

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you Julian. First--and you must hear this--their behavior is not your fault. I am a parent of four children, and while I have not physically abused my children, over the years I have gotten so angry that I am ashamed at how I have treated them (yelling at them, etc...), and actually wanting to throw them around.

Our job as parents is to teach our children what is expected of them in society (good work habits, how to positively interact with other peers (not hitting/yelling), how to learn, etc...), and as such some discipline is necessary to provide boundaries. However, physical and emotional abuse is not discipline.

Now, over the last few years I have been through a lot of counseling and addiction groups, and I have learned a LOT about our coping habits as humans due to other traumas in our lives. Your parents have bad coping habits to deal with the stress/feelings of inadequacy/whatever it may be in their lives--anger being one of the bad coping habits. I know, I was in the same spot.

We all have coping habits, such as over-eating, drinking alcohol, anger, retreating into computer games or books, etc...they are all coping mechanisms to avoid what we don't want to deal with. Anger was a big one for me because it pushed away everything I didn't want to feel.

What your parents need is a wake-up-call to start them on a path of understand what drives them to behave this way. My wake up call was my wife leaving me. I do not know what the wake up call should be for your parents, but they cannot continue on like this. Giving them a wake up call IS loving them--they don't understand what drives them to be this way and they hate every moment of it (again, I was in the same spot). They just don't know how to express it because they were never taught by their family.