I have been with my fiancee for a little over 4 years. I met her son when he was ten and he is now 14. In the beginning I felt in my personal opinion that he was a little bit of a "Momma's boy" but I figured it was because he didn't really have a male figure in his life and had been with his Mom the whole time and plus the fact that he was just a little kid but now he's still a "Momma's boy."
I get it - I am a bit old school, I'm in my mid 30,s now. Growing up it wasn't as socially accepted to be gay like it is now. I think my parents would have disapproved of that at that time, although they seem a little more open minded these days.
As for me, the first half of my life was, "gay = bad" and the second half, "gay = ok" so to me, although I don't like it-for me it's not my thing, I also don't put people down for it. I've had gay friends/acquaintances. I've worked security at one of the biggest gay bars in West Hollywood. My only problem is when they try to force it on me like, "oh you MUST accept the gay community and you're homophobic if you don't." It's like: no, everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone can like or dislike whatever they want.
Anyway back to growing up. Ok, my parents worked two or three jobs each since we were pretty poor so my brother (2 years older) and I were pretty much taking care of ourselves. I remember walking home from elementary school. It wasn't too far about 1.5 miles - 30 minutes walking - but like I said, elementary school! We would have to do chores before they came home. My mom was the "mean" one and would spank us with the belt if we didn't. She would ground us, make us read and basically write book reports so she knew we read. Other than that we would always be playing outside with the neighbors - football, basketball, soccer, riding bike,s typical boy stuff.
In high school at 15 I got my first job because I liked music and wanted to buy instruments or band shirts and saved up to buy my first car, then 9-11 happened so I wanted to join the military. My Mom wanted me to go to school so I did - I graduated from an automotive school and worked for a year but I felt like I wasn't doing enough, so behind her back I went and joined the Marines and now here I am.
This boy like I said before very feminine, dancing and twirling and using a girly or baby voice that he talks in 90% of the time. He is scared to take out the trash which is right outside of our apartment building or do laundry alone downstairs which is in the building, even though it is is gated and only people with the code can get in. He gets scared when someone knocks on the door.
I feel like he over reacts to sweet, "awww" type moments like you'd imagine a girly girl doing, and same when it's something that's sad. He Squeals when he’s excited like you'd imagine cheerleader teen girls doing, and dances in a very girly manner and not just when there's music like at a party or even dancing when you're home alone. If he's cleaning or something he'll dance with no music and he'll do it for attention. He will literally come out of his room and if I'm watching TV or something he will start dancing putting his arms up and shaking his hips either until I acknowledge him. Sometimes I pretend that I don't notice him and he'll give up and go back to his room.
Since I've been in his life I've tried getting him to do things with me, like I'll try taking him out to play baseball, football, or any sport. I put him in MMA but he gives up on those things so easily and whines/over exaggerates at the smallest of bumps and injuries. At 13 he cried because he was in the YMCA and they were going to big Bear for the weekend. Even the younger 8-9 year olds didn't cry.
Nowadays he had brought it up to his Mom that he feels like I don't like him because I don't spend time with him, but everything we do he doesn't like or care for. I go running 3 times a week, 3 miles at least and he asked her why I never take him so I took him. After 20 breaks and barely half a mile we turned back and headed home. I basically jogged knowing it was his first time I told him to slow down and conserve his energy but it didn't help after that he's never wanted to go again.
Sometimes I feel like it's just me. I feel like sometimes I'm being too hard on him but then again he gets bullied a lot at school because of all of this. The boys tease him. He's gotten beat up a few times. We had to put him in therapy because of it, but even the therapist asked his Mom if he was gay after a few sessions so his Mom asked him which he said no. We assured him that we wouldn't be mad and we'd still love him and even reassured him by comparing the situation with one of his friends which she used to baby sit when he was little that came out as gay and is even "instafamous" or an influencer and how nobody was mad at him, but he insists he's not gay.
But he loves wearing pink. He'll pick girl characters in video games or make things pink like guns or cars or whatever he's playing. I would really just prefer him either saying he's gay and is be fine with the things he does because then it would be understandable or him saying he's not gay but also not doing these things.
Am I wrong? Am I being too harsh? What should I do?