I have twins and one of them has a slight confidence issue in certain social situations.

At their 5th birthday party today when they brought the cakes out, she became embarrassed and turned away from the cakes and the people around her. There were about 35 people. She had to be walked over to the cake, at which point she pretended to be asleep, stood up, while also blowing the candles out. Her other twin is fine and she's very confident in these situations.

She's ok most of the time and normally she's a confident child, it's just in these kind of social situations where there are lots of people and she's expected to perform. (The school play was hilarious. She lifted her outfit over her head to hide herself)

At family parties, where she knows everyone, she quite likes being the center of attention.

Her teacher's tell us she's more mature than other kids and she excels academically.

This isn't a very serious issue and I don't want to blow it out of proportion, but I want to help her and I'm interested in any strategies you have that you think could help her.


1 Answer 1


I work with people of all ages who have confidence and emotional issues and I created a valuable tool that works almost every single time:

Create a situation in which yo make her feel at ease while paying attention to you. It could be a moment you are reading a book or cooking with her.

Ask her about how she felt during her birthday party at the moment of blowing the candles.

Encourage her to be open to you by telling her a moment that you felt exactly the way she felt that day. We all have those moments. Do not make it up.

Observe her emotional reactions as she talks about it. You are trying to identify the moment that she gets in touch with her emotions.

As soon as you detect some emotional boiling on her mind, put your hand on her back right behind her heart and focus your mind on how much you love her.

Encourage her to continue talking about it until you notice that her emotional discomfort has passed.

This could sound silly, but you will be astonished as to the power of this tool.

Just try it out, you will be amazed by the power of your love.

  • This is really great advice and these are the situations I try and get myself into. Recently, these situations happen less and less. It's harder to do this with twins who are always close to each other, but this isn't the full explanation. I've spoken recently with my wife about trying to manufacture situations/days-out where we can just focus on one at a time. She isn't that keen, but I feel it will strengthen the connection between us and each twin individually and create more opportunities for these kind of moments. Feb 5, 2020 at 23:32
  • You will do wonderfully if you treat them the way you would like to be treated. Love is the best healer ever.
    – Ivan Gil
    Feb 10, 2020 at 17:56

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