How old is too old for a mother to allow her son to hold her nipples, “check for milk,” or otherwise soothe on her breast?

Question

My 7 year old son recently told me that he and his mother (we've been separated for a few months) check to see if she is still producing milk every now and then. In an effort not to sound alarmed I asked the results of the test, and he said that yes, she does, but that the milk tastes different.

I knew that in the past she let him grab her breast and nipples "for comfort" far longer that I would have thought healthy, but she insisted that it was good for him. But I thought that had stopped a couple of years ago.

EDIT: I think this is far too old for her to be letting him touch/lick/hold her breasts even if he currently may want to do so. I am very concerned that one day soon he will mention this behavior to one of his friends thinking it is normal, only to find out that it is "creepy" or "immature" or whatever. I would also assume that at a certain age it crosses into "illegal" territory from a sexual abuse standpoint, though I couldn't begin to guess at what age that would be.

How old is too old?

Answer 1

I think the exact age of how old is too old is very cultural dependent. My common sense answer would be as long as the mother produces milk and it's a (significant) part of the kids diet you could argue benefit. These numbers based on WHO data suggest that breast feeding for 3 years would well be in the 'acceptable' range

• https://kellymom.com/fun/trivia/bf-numbers/
• https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/faq/index.htm#how-long

At age 6+ just testing if your ex-spouse produces enough milk would suggest there is no dietary benefit from continuing though.

Being a side in a ugly divorce myself i would be very careful how you approach this topic though. For it to be "illegal" often a certain intent would be involved and to accuse a ex-spouse of this kind of behavior makes things very messy (like why didn't you notice this last year, do you have proof, etc). If there is a neutral party that both of you trust you could see if you can raise this issue there. But be very explicit of your intent of the discussion ("she is abusing my child", is a different discussion from "i want to be part of raising my child, and i think a balanced diet without breast milk would be wise")