Is this considered child abuse [closed]

Question

First, my mom never hits me; I want to be clear on that.

My brother 13, and I, 15 got into a fight at McDonalds. We threw ketchup at each other and I accidentally got some on on a nearby woman. My mother had to reimburse the woman for the damage. My mother freaked out and humiliated us in McDonalds by calling my brother and myself immature babies. While leaving McDonalds, she commented on how she should get us pacifiers, pampers, and a playpen. People were staring at us as if she was correct. On the car ride home, she continued to comment on how when she goes to Wal-mart, she will buy us a crib and stuff. She keeps telling me how we made her look like a bad mother. She is being a total b** to me.

Now she has taken away my X-box, iPod, and Cell Phone. She has grounded me and I can't go out on weekends now.

Can I turn her into CPS for abuse for saying those things to me? Isn't it slander or something about saying lies about someone? Saying I need pampers makes me look bad in public.

For the record, my brother started this fight, not me. It is not fair that she is doing this. She took away my games, my iPod, my cell phone and I can't go out now because of that b**. Now she won't let me take Driver's Ed. She says I am too immature to drive.

Can't CPS make her a better mom or tell her to chill out?

Answer 1

No, this is not child abuse, this is parenting. This is you having to deal with the direct consequences of your own poor actions and bad decisions.

If things really happened the way you describe, then you owe your mother a very sincere apology, and you need to learn to not allow a disagreement with your brother to escalate to a point where you throw food at strangers in a restaurant.

You deeply embarrassed your mother by making it look as if she never taught you any good behavior. (And you do it again by coming here and calling her a bitch.) It is her good and proper right to take measures to teach you not to behave that badly again. You behaved like an infant, so she's totally right to treat you like one. And infants don't get to play computer games or drive cars.

Talk about first-world problems. You should be ashamed of yourself!

Answer 2

Unfortunately, disciplining your child after an act of immaturity is not considered child abuse. So sorry. You can, however, phone CPS and indicate how your mother retaliated when you humiliated her by humiliating you. You can also complain how she took away your hard-earned personal belongings such as iPod, X-Box, cell phone, etc. without consent - she had no right over them.

CPS CAN make her a better mother. After all, if they do take you seriously, you might end up becoming the ward of the state for a couple of days, months, or even years. You will be joined by your brother, and your mother would be freed of all responsibility towards you. You do not have to listen to her anymore, ever. You also do not (cannot) see her again. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that you will have access to any of their assets, but not to worry, us tax-payers will be happy to feed your sense of entitlement.

Please feel free to call the CPS and humor them. Those people need a laugh after they deal with calls from people who find kids who are not fed or clothed and are instead beaten and violated in unspeakable ways.

Answer 3

Well... while publicly yelling might have been a bit harsh, I don't think it counts as child abuse per se.

She might even be somewhat justified. You got into a fight with your younger brother, threw ketchup around (really?), damaged other people's property, and publicly embarrassed your mother.

Try maintaining your cool next time, and act as a better role model for your younger brother. If you can repeatedly demonstrate that you're capable of stepping away from fights and staying calm, even if the other person started it, your mother might change her mind and 'chill out'.

Answer 4

You do not realize how lucky you are to have x box, iPod, and cell. Thank you mother for these.

There are people who cannot afford the ketchup.

You already made yourself look bad in public by throwing the ketchup. You need to rethink the incident and understand that you were at fault.

Your mother will be a better mother when she teaches both of you how to behave.

No, your mother did not abuse you.

Answer 5

Saying I need pampers makes me look bad in public.

Fighting with your brother in public and throwing ketchup around made her look bad in public - have you considered that?

For the record, my brother started this fight, not me.

Firstly, that is impossible to judge responsibly based solely on your own account. We should hear your brother's version of the story as well (and probably your mom's too) in order to have a better understanding of what actually happened. And it is not even enough to know what happened that day - we should know a lot of your family background and past too, back to several years, to get the full picture.

Secondly, it doesn't really matter who started it. You aren't an automaton who must act in a deterministic manner every time when receiving the same input. You are a human being, free to consider your choices, and their possible outcomes, before acting upon a stimulus. Use that power - that's what makes you human. Otherwise, other people (including your younger brother) can basically control you: they learn that whenever they insult or provoke you in specific ways, you are bound to react predictably, out of anger. And you can rest assured that they will use this knowledge whenever they benefit from it, or whenever they are simply bored and want to have some fun.

I used to be like that as a teenager and well into my twenties. I have an elder brother, and later I had a coworker, who was a genius in pissing other people off. And he did practice a lot on everyone in our team, but maybe most of all on me. After a while, I started to feel as if there was a big fat red button on my forehead with the text "Showtime!" on it, and my coworker, whenever he was feeling depressed or bored, just came and pushed it, then watched the show grinning... it was a very bad feeling. So I decided to defuse that button, and eventually I succeeded, first to make it smaller... then gradually slow and minimize its effects... by now, I managed to remove it almost completely. I still act out of anger sometimes, but very rarely, and even then I can control myself so that I won't hurt or embarrass other people.

It is not easy to learn how to stay calm and not react out of anger in such a situation. It takes years of practice and effort. But ultimately, you will benefit from it immensely - and so everyone else around you. In the short term, your iPod and cell phone may not be confiscated next time - in the long term, you will become a fuller, happier person. I can tell you from personal experience this is worth the effort.

Update

One more thing: the very few occasions when I get angry are almost always triggered by my children nowadays. Raising children is a tremendous - and bloody difficult - test on controlling our anger, among others. I think all of us parents have had some bad moments when we lost our temper, and later regretted that. Including, most probably, your mom too. Yes, shouting at you in public was most likely an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration from her part. And yes, she probably regrets it by now, but feels helpless and out of ideas how to influence you and your brother for the better. And yes, she would most probably benefit from practicing anger management as well as you. You may want to talk to her about this - but only after - not instead of - committing to make some progress in it yourself.