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In a nutshell my very booksmart 11 yr old grandson, since he was about 8 yrs old, thinks it's not a big deal for him to spend his mother's hard earned money without asking for it first,oh, he's an only child also. So,technically stealing, he has used her credit card(1), taken account password(1), created account(1), all for gaming or sports related internet items. When found out he lied and denied each deed because thinks it's ok to lie. We've given the moral lectures, punished, restricted, removed, repeatedly state that this is unacceptable behavior and why, explain how this negatively affects the security and stability of his household, and as last resort spanked(4) he's cried, promised never to repeat the offense only to seemingly forget, and repeat the act in another scenario regardless of his knowing the action will come to light and punishment or restrictions of any type are looming,he doesn't stop himself while in the midst of the act, no seeming impulse control in that area. He's been an honor roll student throughout, plays trumpet in school band/orchestra, studies martial arts, won math/academic honors and awards, likes school, has friends, is highly motivated in all things academic, is a loveable/likeable child in all aspects, yet he doesn't seem to care about the moral logic, rational, reasoning aspect of his behavior or to be circumspect about the financial jeopardy he's placed his parents in. The questions of immediate/delayed gratification, monetary value, continued building of positive foundational character values, insights, beliefs, actions and consequences have all been discussed, repeatedly. We are very concerned about pattern building and are almost at our wits end, help, we don't want this lack of judgement to become permanently ingrained in his mindset as acceptable behavior

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    Two questions: 1) Does he have his own money, and if so does he have access to it/full control over how it’s used? 2) are the things he spends money on secretively done so bc they are prohibited? I mean, if he asked his parent to buy him whatever he bought would the answer be no? – Jax Nov 23 '19 at 19:07
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    He was getting a weekly allowance b4 he put household financial in jeopardy, now not practiclal. Not prohibited parser but monitored, jointly decided and given as gifts, rewards, etc., So the answer to his request would be "yes you can have it, you will get it 4 good grades, birthday, holiday. The recent $ charge was $500 worth of cable packages! To which the answer would have been a resounding NO! and his parents are divorced, spends quality time with both. – Concerned Grandma Nov 23 '19 at 19:28
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    Hi and welcome to the site. We need an actual question (a bit more specific than "what should we do?") How long ago did the parents divorce? Did he grow up with a lot of material things/did he get a lot during/after the divorce? How is his relationship with his parents (a lot of quality time doesn't always mean it's not contentious.) Have the parents considered therapy for the child? Thanks. – anongoodnurse Nov 23 '19 at 19:44
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    5yrs divorced, received a balance of material things before and after, non contentious with parents, respectful, mindful of all other things and request, fun loving, no cursing, or belligerent behavior, he started therapy when parents separated – Concerned Grandma Nov 25 '19 at 20:41
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    Surely the question is who gave him the passwords etc and the soltuion is that all such should be changed. – Solar Mike Nov 30 '19 at 3:41

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