My son is 20 years old. He is about to be father soon. He lives with his girlfriend and is doing very well for himself. He is in college, works fulltime and is a great partner. Now here comes the hard part, I have not spoken to my son in almost 2 years. He hates his father and I and does not want anything to do with us.
His father and I have been through alot, and about 1 1/2 ago we split up. I am the one who left the relationship and for that reason, my son has had major anger/hatred issues with me. During one of our arguments (my son and I) there were many harsh words said between us two. I admit, I said some things that were very unnecessary and I should have had more control over the situation but I didnt.
After that day my son went to live with his father and I started a relationship with another person. During the course of that next year, my son and I drifted apart and even though I was much apart of his father's life still (thank god) my son would ignore me when he seen me. Moving to today, my husband and I rekindled our relationship and have been going strong for over a year now.
Together we have 3 sons total ages 20, 16 and 12. Since we got back together, our son doesnt not want anything to do with us nor does he want us apart of his childs life. His girlfriend does not like me and that makes things worse.
When we go to my in laws home, sometimes we run into my son when he visits and he totally dismisses his father and I. It's so hard for me to even walk into the room knowing my son is sitting right there and I cant hug or kiss him.
My sister in law is very close to him and since the pregnancy, my son has made her and my mother n law apart of every step. This breaks my heart into a million pieces. I want to be so mad at them both because I feel like they totally dismiss my pain and never include me.
My sons girlfriend sent me a nasty message on social media basically telling me to stay away from them and that my son hates me and that I will never be apart of their life. Since then, I have stayed away and gave up trying. I cry everyday and I have prayed over and over for things to be better but I am at a loss.
Somedays I am angry at my son for treating me with such disrespect and hurting me so much and somedays I pray that this day will be the day my baby calls me and my heart can breath. I wish I was strong enough to have courage to reach out to him but I'm so afraid to be shut down again and I know if that happens, I wont want to keep living.
I walk around in a daze most days and try to get through parenting my other boys but it's so hard. I rely strongly on the " out of sight, out of mind" way everyday. If I do think about my baby, I wont cry that day. Dont get me wrong, I think about him daily but I mean I dont think of the situation and missing him or things like what is he doing or what has he eaten? I want to know how to move past this and learn to except what is. How do I live without having my baby boy in my life?