I recently have a quarrel with my kid who is about to get in his youths. The arguments happen more and more frequently. So I don't want to spoil the relationship with him. I love my kid. How can I handle this kind of problem that you and your kids have different opinions toward something?
Not in this particular case though, in any relationship a good listener should,
- Assume that the other person may have some valid points. Hence, listen.
- Summarise what the other person says and to get their approval of it.
- Try not to interrupt. (Especially not to interrupt with the sense of "this is utter nonsense/ you're are a blithering idiot/ you're stupid/ I don't have time for your Bull Shi*")
- Try to empathise with them. (Point 2 will help)
- Have self control over primal dominance instincts. (Should not make the other person feel awful/weak/vulnerable/intimidated especially by body language) (Eg: To stare without blinking is a predatory instinct, rather blink often with a calm face)
- Acknowledge their feelings, genuinely.
- Have patience to do these.
Answering from child view - children starting at certain age want to be acknowledged, to feel their opinion is important. Try to emphasise that you consider his/her point of view, give it time (do not snap back) and say, you have experienced that already. Ensure you give its opinion more weight as it grows up. I say, in the 20's parents should give advice not orders.
It would help, if you give more details on topic or situation. Nonetheless, I heard great advice from children psychologist - "Do not order, forbid children actions unless they are in danger of life".