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My wife and I divorced. Ironically, our relationship now is better than before the divorce.

We have a son (5) who lives with my ex. He is not entirely aware of our situation. We split when he was just 18 months so for most of his life I was the Dad who lives far away (after the divorce my ex moved to our country of birth while I stayed as an expat in the UK).

My ex did not explain to our son our circumstances - she has been just saying to him "Dad is working in another country". We see each other on Skype every other week and I visit him for a few days every 3 months or so. Despite these relatively spaced out visits our bond is strong - he is looking forward to our time together (as I do myself). He seems to get upset when I leave (which breaks my heart).

In the meantime I met someone and we had our baby son (10 months). My ex is aware about it and has accepted the fact.

But now the question is - when to let our son know about his younger half-brother?

It is a delicate situation. As I have been away from him most of the time he may start to think that I have somehow abandoned him in favour of some other child.

I have recently moved to the same country with my new family. My hope is that I would get to have more time with my older son and, hopefully, would be able to integrate him with my new family. My new partner is supportive of that.

My ex went to a psychologist and was told that it is advisable to let our son know about his half-brother as early as possible while he is relatively young so that he comes to accept this situation as something "normal".

My current feeling is to delay. First, his brother is too young and probably not very interesting to him to play with. My feeling is that once his brother becomes more interactive (can speak, play, run) than, potentially, my older son can perceive him as a play mate.

What would be your advice?

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    Is your son aware that you have a new partner? That might be a bigger concern than having a baby brother (and is also a different question if you still need to break that to him). – Imus Oct 23 at 13:43
  • @Imus He doesn't. To make things worse, neither my ex, nor me have told him that we are not a family anymore. – Nick Oct 23 at 13:57
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    I think you and your ex really need to tell him the truth about your relationship. You can't hide it forever, and the longer you wait the worse it will be. – Paul Johnson Oct 24 at 8:25
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I think you son needs to know he exists, even if he's too young to play with. I think you should go with what the expert told you.

Also, at 10 months, your younger son is not a featureless blob like a newborn is. He can crawl, he can play with toys, he can smile and laugh. Your older son might not want to spend hours with him, but they can enjoy interaction together.

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