To make this as simple as possible, I'm 23 and live in the UK. I have stayed at home with my mother and brother instead of moving out. I did this so i could help my mother (My father isn't in the picture.) pay rent. She is an alcoholic and my brother is a drug abuser and psychically violent person, which I also have to protect my mother against. He steals from us constantly + steals credit cards. Kicking him out isn't an option, my mother will defend him saying that she is her son so it isn't relevant.

I plan to move out on the 30th august but doing so would leave my mother in a bad position. She would be unable to pay rent and I was wondering if there's any options or financial help available. As much as I would love to pay two houses worth of rent, I would have to work myself to death to achieve it.

I am at a loss. I live in the south of england currently. My mother is firmly against the idea of moving anywhere far away as 'she's too old' she tells me and is too stubborn. I really love her, but it feels like I have to sacrifice my happiness to look after her. What can I do?

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    Hi. Welcome to Parenting.SE. I'm really sorry for the bad position you find yourself in, but this question is really too broad for us to say anything useful. My own opinion (and it is just opinion) is that you are going to have to harden your heart and get out of this trap, lest you turn two wrecked lives into three. If your mother is evicted then you might take her in but not your brother. That gets rid of your brother and also changes the dynamic. However what happens if he turns up while you are out and she lets him in? – Paul Johnson Aug 9 '19 at 9:47
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    Been thinking about this, and I kind of agree this is both too broad and not enough info. There are going to solid ethical arguments for both sides and with so much detail only you can know at best we could outline what those arguments roughly look like. But at the end of the day you have a hard choice to make and we can't really give you any insight you don't already have. – Adam Heeg Aug 12 '19 at 18:48

I'm making the assumption that your mother is in her 40's or early 50's. If so, she's got half of her life left. At least a quarter of a century. That's a long time.

You need to move out. It's the best thing for all 3 of you. @Paul Johnson is correct in the comments that if you move out, your mother will be forced to follow you. Take her in but change the dynamics. You're the man of the house. It's your house, your rules. You can call the police to evict anybody you want. You get to choose who stays or goes, not the other way around. When she shows up, and only when she shows up, you need to have a firm conversation about that. You'll probably have to have it a few times. Never yell or raise your voice. People in command don't need to shout.

When your brother shows up, assuming he's your age, send him away. You aren't trained to help one person suffering from addiction, nevermind 2. You can't help him and you seem to know that, which is great.

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