How to remove mobile addiction in my toddler

Question

Our son is 3 years old and addicted to mobile, he need to play games, or he will cry and make fuss. My wife give her phone and he is always starring down at it. To make him quiet coz he make a lot of mess, she give him mobile. He has tv open infront of him but still want mobile and if someone change tv channel he start crying.

I am not at all in favour of it. It irritate me, my wife says that I don’t play with him or anyone of his brother as they are busy but how can I fix this issue?

I hate my son starring down all time on mobile, home, car or visiting. If it’s not her mobile it’s his granny . From the moment he wakes up he wants it.

Answer 1

It sounds like your son is given a mobile phone or put in front of the TV because the adults around him don't find the time to engage with him. Your problem is only fixable if you fix this.

You need to provide an alternative to the mobile and TV. Spend more time playing with your son, reading to your son, looking at picture books with him etc. This may be outright boring for you depending on the picture books and the games you play, but it's part of the job. Memory games where you have to match pairs of tiles abound and might soon have him win against you (at first, you can let him win). Also, there are some picture books that are at least somewhat engaging for adults, too (I liked the ones where you have to find stuff like three frying pans, two parrots, seven tennis balls etc in a chaotic picture...). Also, I liked answering questions my kids had about the stories we looked at together; the interesting thing was to find explanations for somewhat difficult concepts that a three-year-old would understand - quite a challenge.

Find a place where he can play outside; if you live in the countryside, find a place that has lots of dirt/sand and water and take him there (and watch him - kids can drown in a few inches of water, but the combination of dirt and water is unbeatable in keeping them occupied). Find climbable rocks or trees or a playground that has something to climb. Encourage him to try things he hasn't done before; if he's scared, try something else for a while and try again later.

Make contact with families which have kids (playgrounds provide ample opportunities) and see if your son wants to play with one of them. This may or may not work at three years old; some kids play together at that age, others don't (mine mostly didn't).

Change your own behaviour towards your phone. Immediately stop using it in front of your son. Make sure your wife doesn't, either. This is feasible, even if it's hard. Don't turn on the TV when he's present except maybe for a small amount of time (I'd say 15-20 minutes, enough for a cartoon or two or part of some educational program, maybe involving nature and animals - I don't see any value in letting three-year-olds watch TV, but the American Academy of Pediatrics is somewhat more lenient and recommends no more than 2 hours a day for preschoolers, which I think is way too much) at a fixed time of day, so it becomes a routine and he learns he can't expect to watch TV at all other times.

This might not help you much now, but in hindsight, the time where your kid is three, four, five years old really passes by very quickly. Once he starts kindergarden and school, you'll have much less opportunities to spend time with him. You won't get a second chance at this, so think about what's more important now. You'll get more free time again in a few years, but for now, you're still the single biggest influence on your son, and spending time with him, reading to him, animating him to play outdoors in an engaging environment etc has a host of positive consequences for his development, and will strengthen your relationship with him.

Answer 2

FULL UPDATE

I. Understand the dynamics of power and control in parenting
II. Learn the concerns of children and technology
III. Learn how to replace technology with parenting
IV. Have a plan to get everyone on the same page

I. Understand the dynamics of power and control in parenting
It is imperative that you don't invert the power structure in your home. If your kids rule the roost now you will be in a horrible situation when they become teenagers. Don't let your parenting be ruled by a fear of tantrums, rather aim for setting a standard that the kids learn tantrums never work and thus THEY WILL QUIT DOING THEM (almost completely). He is not in charge, and crying should not teach him he can get his way.

Using the SuperNanny as a reference webmd lists these time tested rules:
Set Clear Limits
Set Clear Consequences
Be Consistent and Predictable
Be a Good Example
Avoid Reinforcing Undesireable Behavior
Praise Good Behavior

II. Learn the concerns of children and technology

Technology too many times is used as a "Shut-up tool" which is detrimental to the child and their relationship to the parents. I quote:

the use of mobile media to occupy young children during daily routines such as errands, car rides, and eating out is becoming a common behavioral regulation tool: what the industry terms a “shut-up toy.” Because young children need to develop internal mechanisms of self-regulation, it needs to be determined whether mobile device use, although helpful in the short term, could be detrimental to later social-emotional outcomes when used as the principal way in which children are taught to calm themselves down.

Read more about technology addiction here.

There should not be a game, show, or education app that you allow your child access to that you have not already done yourself and vetted. Not only has the very scary momo been spliced into episodes of Pepa the Pig , but there are plenty of apps and games that one person may approve of for their child that another does not. Technology devices should not be an alternative to parenting and actually take more time and effort for a parent to do their due diligence before handing over their child to an app, game or video.

III. Learn how to replace technology with parenting

Spend time and communicate more with your child. Put away the things you want to do and prioritize your child as the thing you want to spend your time on. Your side projects, hobbies, down time, all that is put on hold for the next few years. Failinig to do this has grave consequences which many parents of adult children can attest to.

One core idea is to simply create quality communication with your child. Learn how to have discussions and to teach them to have discussions. Some good advice can be found here.

You can also have simple fun. Here is a list that was written for 2 year olds and under, but I read through them and many of them sound fun for me and my 9 year old still does some of this stuff, so don't feel weird about it.

IV. Have a plan to get everyone on the same page

Use adult social skills to discuss the current situation, your concerns, and your goals for change using the above information. Treat your wife and Granny as co-workers who you must have on board for a successful project (your childs transformation into a functional adult). Address their concerns, ask for their input, and realize you can't be successful without them!

Answer 3

Living in this modern age, where technology and devices are actually ruling the society, this is a common problem faced in almost every household today. And toddlers especially develop mobile addiction as the fatigued parents want them to be quiet for a little longer. Letting your kids play with mobile devices for a while, while you grab some rest is fine, as long they don’t get addicted. And they certainly won’t get addicted when you as parents and your family and neighbourhood spend good time by playing or engaging with them without a mobile in their hand.

Am sure you are aware of most of these common advices already. And while it is imperative to do so, your difficulty is that practically it is not happening; as you’ve mentioned in the question. So, in order to fix this issue, here’s something you can and should look forward to do:

1.Instill the highest moral values in your child. Children bring with them their personalities at birth, but you have to help them nurture good habits, fundamental moral values and virtues of balanced human behaviour so that they flourish in life. This is your duty as a parent.

So every morning after his bath, teach him to pray for world peace and salvation and pray with him so that he learns from you. Never allow your child to use mobile or other such devices during one hour before he goes to sleep. Rather, have him pray to the God within him. So many children have benefited from such prayers and have changed for the better, such that they no longer feel the need to seek other diversions of mobile, TV, etc. Playing mobile no longer remains their prime source of enjoyment then. At first your child may raise objections, but after a while as he experiences how good it feels to pray, he will respond positively.

2.Love works wonders! It is important that you get along well with your child; he should want to make friends with you. As soon as you enter your home, your little toddler should want to come and welcome you in. For this, you don’t have to pamper your child, you just treat him with love!

Never get irritated or ever hit your child, nor use bitter and ugly speech. Bitterness or irritation on your part will only serve to make him vindictive and he could harbour hatred towards you. He will become good when you give him love. Real parents are those who manage to change their children’s behaviour through love and understanding, even when the child does dreadful things. The love from parents should be such that their children would never want to leave them.

Gently run your hand over his head with love and affection in your heart and explain things to him calmly how playing outdoors can fetch him more friends and how it will help enhance his energy levels and increase his concentration power too. You keep explaining to him very gently and lovingly until your words touch your child’s heart. And when he actually listens to you and obeys your words, do let him know that you are very happy seeing him do so. This will motivate him to repeat this behaviour again and again. Keep showering your love and affection on him. You may not see the results immediately, but with love you will win him over one day.

3.Bond with your child. Have a nice chat with your child every night. Answer his questions to his satisfaction and discuss different things with him in an amicable manner. Ask him only what ‘he’ thinks about his addiction for mobile; whatever he is doing, does it seem right to him? Although a toddler, he is capable to make this judgment with understanding. He instinctively knows when he is doing something wrong. But when you start criticizing him, he will rebel and become indignant.

4.Do not use force or authority. A father should never exercise the fear of power over his child by being overly strict. In fact, your good character will have a better effect and it will leave a deeper impact on your child. Encourage him for his good traits and habits and caution him wherever he is going astray. Do whatever is required to bring him in discipline. But ensure your speech is free from the ego that uses a commanding tone. Very calmly, set rules and limits on his usage of mobile and stick to them. When his time to play with mobile is over, make him know he has to let it off now. And if he doesn’t, you gently take the mobile away when his time is up and deduct 5-15 minutes of usage from his next allocated mobile or TV usage session, to help him learn discipline.

5.Think of him as God! God resides in all of us!!! So, when you see God residing in your toddler and then speak to him, your words will reach him and he will feel delighted by the love and concern he receives from you. This is indeed a very subtle and most important matter worth understanding. If you can manage to do the same, it will be to your great benefit! Pay attention to all aspects of his development, but with your sincere deep inner intent of never hurting your child, or for that matter any living being, to the slightest extent through any of your thoughts, speech and acts, for there is God residing in each one. Even a ferocious tiger is pacified in the presence of a person having such intent.

6.Do your job and leave the result to Nature. Put in your best efforts in what you do, but with a sound understanding that the results are beyond your control. Scold him if you have to or else he will think whatever he did was correct as his father has condoned it, and eventually, your household will be in ruins. Therefore, play your role convincingly but dramatically (with all the love within you), just as you would in a play where the audience believes everything to be real. But when the actor goes off stage, he knows that it was only a play, it was not real.

7.Do not abandon your child to fate, ever. If you abandon him, there will be no hope for him. The responsibility to improve your child lies with you as you are bound by your duty towards your child. But if you are finding it difficult to do so, at a suitable point, entrust the development of your child’s character to the Enlightened One, who is adept in the art of moulding human beings with all love, but without clinging, pampering or spoiling them.