How to make my 15-year-old daughter want to meet her 39-year-old sister?

Question

Background

39 years ago, a good friend and I had sex and she got pregnant just before I went into the Navy. After three months, I came back from boot camp. I found out she also had slept with my best friend while I was away. Regardless, deep down inside I felt like the baby girl was still my child, but definitely not 100% sure!

I was married for 22 years and have a 15-year-old daughter.

In about 2012, the baby girl is now 39 years old and found me on a social media account. About 2 years ago, her mom also reached out through the same site concerned for her daughter and wanted to meet me to make sure I wasn't a weirdo. Wouldn't you know it the mom and I instantly reconnected and have been dating for 2 years now.

Current situation

The three of us have completed and confirmed DNA paternity. I've told my 15-year-old daughter that she has an older sister, but she isn't really interested in meeting. I think my ex-wife has influenced my daughter in some way.

My older daughter will be in town in a few weeks and I want the two girls to meet face to face, but don't know how to convince my youngest that it's a good thing and not to be scared or nervous.

How do I convince my youngest daughter to meet her older sister?

Answer 1

To be honest, I can see your fifteen-year-old daughter's point of view. Why should she want to meet this grown-up that hasn't mattered in her life up to now? What positive change in her life would result from that? She's probably interested in a lot of other things right now, being a teenager; meeting unknown family members probably sounds like a chore to her.

I'd not force the issue. Tell her the older sister is there in case she gets curious and changes her mind (which might very well be the case), and if not, tell her if she wants to meet at a later point in life, you'll gladly organize it. This might just have come too suddenly for your younger daughter to process, or at an inconvenient time.

Go and enjoy your time with your older daughter even if the younger one doesn't want to come along.

Answer 2

My 15 year old daughter doesn't want to meet her 39 year old sister.

This is kind of a tricky scenario. It's hard enough on your younger daughter that her parents separated and dad is dating again without adding a half sister to the mix. I recommend having your younger daughter meet your girlfriend first like for dinner or some other social activity like bowling or mini golf. Once the relationship between your young daughter and your girlfriend is seem stable, then start introducing the half sister into the gatherings too.

It's important to note that just because two daughters are related it doesn't mean they will like each other or even want to connect. My older sister is a half sister (we share the same mom) and she has other half siblings whom she's never met nor want to meet. She maintains a relationship with her birth dad, but not her younger half siblings from his new marriage.

Having another sibling could be a really good thing, but it could not work out too. It's important to be realistic and encourage your daughter to be open to the possibility of a good relationship. But I personally would still give both daughters a choice as to what they'd like to do at this point and revisit later as necessary.